America's Next Top Podcast

Back from the Undead

2009-04-19T15:32:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone!

Long time no talk! How is everybody?

Max and I went to one of the major gay clubs last night and bumped into one of our listeners! It reminded me of how awesome you guys are and also made me feel very guilty for leaving you. We just kind of lost steam at the end of last season...I guess it is just a bit hard to keep going when you've been watching the show for so long...kind of starts getting formulaic.

I will give you guys a little update on how everyone has been doing:

Javier is doing well at his job and getting lots of action.

Scotty is now a bartender in addition to being a waitor, and I honestly do not know when he finds time to sleep.

Maxwell is doing well as usual, having fun clubbing with me. (Perhaps next time we go clubbing, I should post when we are going and you guys who live in Houston can say hi if you happen to be there at the same time. What do you guys think?)

Aaron and I got engaged a couple months ago, so that has been very exciting for us:)!

Anyway, I just wanted to say a quick hello to everyone, and thanks to those who have been emailing us and leaving chats in the chatterbox!

Miss you all!

xoxo,

Amy

p.s. Our cat Blue (pic) says hi!

I love you, you're perfect, now back to Tyra

2008-10-24T14:40:00.002-05:00

Dear listeners,
Now that we are officially way way WAY behind, I'd like to present you with episode 38. Hooray! BTW, has anyone else been watching Tyra's new baby, Stylista? I had high hope for it, but after two episodes of blandness (also, is the Elle magazine office really that ghetto? and into flourescent lighting?), I am less excited. Let me know your thoughts!
Yours Always,
Amy and the gang

Click here to listen to episode 38

The Ladder of Model Success

2008-10-04T11:18:00.001-05:00

Click here to listen to episode 37!

New Episodes!

2008-09-24T15:02:00.003-05:00

We've recorded podcasts for the last three episodes, but because of Hurricane Ike, we haven't been able to post them. The first episode to come soon so stay tuned!

love,

ANTPodcast gang

**Update: Here is episode 36!

The Girls Go LARP!

2008-05-26T13:49:00.004-05:00

So every couple of cycles, there is a model that seems a too good for this show. Brooke was one them. Joanie and Danielle could also qualify for this. This cycle, it happens to be Katarzyna. She doesn't reek of desperation like Dominique. Nor is she too eager to please like Anya. Nor need some sense of validation like Whitney or Fatima. She seems like a decent person which dosen't always translate well to trashy reality tv. Believe me, I'd rather be friends with Kat rather than most of the ho's left.

This week, the girls get their role play on. After going to a crash gladiator seminar, the girls have to model fierce posing while brandishing a sword. The sword probably weighs more than Anya and Fatima ... combined. As ususal, Anya was great. Fatima struggled. Kat underwhelemed. Dominique experimented which some whackey ass poses. But it was Whitney who did the best and wins a 1,000 euro shopping spree that she could either keep or split with a friend. I totally thought she was going to keep the money but she does a nice gesture and picks Anya, the only girl who does not need any more prizes from this show.

This is also the Tyra photoshoot. As usual, she has to make all about herself. She talks about how this the first time she has ever used artificial light and totally takes credit when the photos turn out well. The theme is some nonesense about Rennassiance women who go clubbing or something. The models basically wear some heavy coats and leftover wigs from Mary J. Blige's Family Affiar Video. Fatima and Dominique both come alive during the shoot impress both Tyra and Mr. Jay. Anya does well as per usual. But it is Kat and Whitney who struggle the most in spite of having both Tyra and Jay to help them out. Kat's picture is good, but lacks the punch as the other girls'. Whitney does not know how to work with her body and ends up staring into the light source. (Which is something Amis learned waaaaay back in week two. Keep up, Whitney)

In the end, Kat becomes the unlucky girl who is both the Cover Girl of the Week and the bootee. Sucks to be her. Even though DoMANinque showed up to panel again looking that the hot mess that she is. Girl needs styling lessons, stat.

Also:Stupidist thing said this episode: DoMANinque states the no one in American can say that they had their pictures taken by Tyra. Except the four other girls in the room. An the other models who had the pictures taken by Tyra in the past nine cycles. This girl really should think before she opens her yap.

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Click here to listen to our thirty-fifth episode

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Ten Cycles of Low Self-Esteem:The Ten Most and Least Bangable Top Model Contestants + Episode 34

2008-04-06T18:18:00.011-05:00

Ten Cycles of Low Self-Esteem:The Ten Most Bangable Top Model Contestants

by Team Frat

10. Whitney (Cycle 10) – We are as surprised as you are that a plus-sized model made the top ten list, but we have a couple of chubby chasers in our group. Whitney reminds us so much of a young Anna Nicole Smith, that she brings out the necrophilia in all of us.

NOTE: We are convinced that Whitney is going to be the first plus-size Top Model contestant to make it to the Top Six. We can't wait to hear Tyra say, "We're going to have to charter a bigger plane, y'all!"

9. Shannon (Cycle 1) – Shannon was hot, blonde, tall, and a virgin. She had all the makings of a top ten gal from the start. To top it all off, she actually has a career, so if we got her preggers we would never have to work again.
8. Kelle (Cycle 3) - She had the best body of any Top Model contestant in the history of the show. Add to that the fact that it took all of 5 minutes to completely destroy her self-confidence, and you've got yourself one hell of a girlfriend. We'll happily let her put her 'snout' wherever she likes, preferably our pants.
7. Christina (Cycle 4) – With crazy soulless eyes and bone straight hair, she reminds us of every snobby sorority girl that we have ever met. What she lacks in personality, charisma, and warmth, she makes up for by giving the best eye-fucking stares ever.

6. Norelle (Cycle 3) – Deep down, we all want a dumbass girlfriend. From not knowing what was Japanese food to staring bug-eyed at Tocarra's boobs, she won our lust. Post makeover, she became one of the hottest contestants. Plus, she could finally give blowjobs, thanks to the new lack of braces.
5. CariDee (Cycle 7) – The only Top Model winner to make the list, CariDee was a goofball, and therefore hot as hell. We love a girl who looks like she has always just bonged a beer. Let's put it this way…we'd love to cover 72% of her body in our semen.

4. Kyle (Cycle 5) – Tyra felt the need to constantly remind Kyle that she was 'not weird enough' to be a model. We would like to remind Tyra that Kyle is hotter looking than her fatass ever was. Kyle came to judging panel and challenges in sweat suits and was still hotter than all the other girls, because she was the shit, and she knew it.
3. Tocarra (Cycle 3) – When we all started the list, every single brother responded that Tocarra had to be on the top of the list. We are not sure what it is about Tocarra. Perhaps it's the fact that you could brag for the rest of your life that you survived titty-fucking her; perhaps it's the fact that she kept a whole chicken under her bed. Who knows? My favorite moment from Tocarra comes from Top Model Exposed: "Ann and Eva…that was just gay!"
2. Sara (Cycle 6) – As the only model to actually contact us, Sara had to go high on the list. From amazing lips to a height of what I imagine to be 7 feet, she was nearly a perfect woman. What mall did they find her at, again? We want to go shopping for some DSLs. NOTE: Top Model Sara looks so much like our brother Max' girlfriend (also named Sarah) that we wonder which came first…masturbating to Sara on TV or slamming his girlfriend…hmmm.

1. Brooke (Cycle 7) – Brooke was so barely legal fuckable that it hurt us to even lay eyes on her. One of the brothers even printed out her picture from the wobbly runway photoshoot to place over his bed. She was young, cute, and too good for this show.

The Ten Least Bangable Models in America’s. Next. Top. Model. History.

10. Robin (Cycle 1) – Robin was a whole lotta woman with a whole lotta issues. As both the oldest and fattest model of the first cycle, it’s no wonder that she makes the bottom ten chicks that we’d like to stick. We can only imagine how long the prayer circle would last after we asked for oral.

9. Wendy (Cycle 6) – Let it be known: stupid girls are hot, sad girls are not. We sympathize with Wendy’s plight in New Orleans, but we cannot sympathize with her lack of eyelashes and eyebrows. What caught her tears anyway? Post-makeover, she looked like J-Lo on queludes.

8. Victoria (Cycle 9) – As kids at a preppy university, we loathe what Victoria symbolizes. She’s the epitome of a smart, yet spoiled brat. Instead of trying to be hot, she always put her damn arms around her head in pictures. Something tells us that she does this because someone taught her how to masturbate wrong, and that is why she picks on Twiggy: sexual frustration.

7. Ebony (Cycle 9) – Besides looking like Count Chocula, Ebony had a lot of other things that made her unbangable. At all times she was either sporty a gummy smile or a stank face, and if either of those two expressions are her O face, then we are not interested.

6. Kathy (Cycle 6) – As the first eliminee of her cycle, we did not get a lot of time with Kathy, nor did we want any. Her feet were at least as big as ours, and she had a face to match. The icing on the cake was when she described her bald photo shoot look as “like a penis with ears.” I’m sorry, did she just describe herself as a dickhead? Well, she isn’t seeing ours.

5. Naima (Cycle 4) – For one thing, we would have no clue what color our baby would come out if we got Naima preggers. For another thing, she’s so damn Zen that we feel like we would have an even harder time than normal staying awake, post-boink.

4. Ann (Cycle 3) – Other than her outward appearance, we could not list one thing about Ann that didn’t scream “man.” Her height: man-ish. Her voice: man-ish. Her attitude and modeling ability: man-ish. Her penis: definitely man-ish.

3. Brittany (Cycle 8) – Brittany’s face looked like mashed potatoes. But not the regular kind of mashed potatoes that are yummy and delicious, but the school cafeteria style mashed potatoes. We all wish that we had a short-term memory disorder so that we could forget ever being exposed to her fugly face.

2. Amanda and Michelle (Cycle 7) – Top Model is the only show that we know that could take two of the hottest female stereotypes (lesbians and twins) and make it this unbangable. Amanda had her moments, but Michelle’s uber-ugliness overshadowed it so much that we had to put them both on the list.

1. Diana (Cycle 8) – I could go on for pages on the many reasons why Diana is utterly unbangable. To start, she actually weighs more (198 lbs., according to wikipedia) than 8 out of the 10 guys who came up with this list. Second, she could not model for shit. Literally, she couldn’t advertise fecal matter on a platter. She’s that bad. Lastly, she was so New Jersey trash no matter how hard she tried to hide it, it always shown through. We can summarize by saying that unlike 99% of the Top Model contestants, we actually WOULD kick her out of bed…if only we had the leg strength.

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Click here to listen to our thirty-forth episode

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The Girls Get "Body" Slammed

2008-03-19T08:02:00.006-05:00

An action-packed episode of Top Model This Week.

The gift of Apple Bottom Jeans prompts to a fight between Allison and Fatima. Its so very Alien vs. Predator, i.e. whoever wins, we lose. Fatima is being a bitch when she says that Allison has big ass. Allison take umbrage (as a former anorexic) then measures herself (as a future anorexic) and then uses Barbie dolls(!) to mock Fatima's ass (as a kloset Klan kunt.) I am no fan of Fatima, but that shits uncalled for and embarrassingly infantile. Also infantile is Stacy Ann. Between her childlike pleading to Tyra's portrait to showing her ass on the camera, I think I may be in like with her.

This week is the first Cover Girl Make Up challege of the cycle. Its the typical three minute/1 mirror make up challenge. This year, the girls have to compete in Walmart. The winner, Claire, gets to have her mug in a Cover Girl display in Walmarts across the country. Um, how is that a reward.

It also the make over episode and the only real tears come from Fatima. She gets a long weave and declares the process one of the most painful experiences of her life. (Not touching that one.) Her makeover makes her look really good. There are no outright disasters this season. A lot of girls go blond, especially Anya and Claire who go really, really blond. They also shave the other side of Claire's head. Marvita gets a horse hair mane which makes her look like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheeva. They give Dominique an unflattering mom cut. They do something to Allison which make her look less like Sarah Silverman and more like Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls. The cycle marks the return of Miss Jay getting a fake over. Also returning are those strappy swinsuit things the models have to pose in after the make over.

Tyra reads that the models are going to meet the "Body." At first I thought the models were going to wrestle former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura. It turns the models are going to photo in Elle "The Body" MacPherson's underwear, or as she adorably calls them "knickers." During wardrobe, it looks like there squeezing Whitney into a girdle. It turns out its just a corset (po-ta-to, po-tah-to). Most of the models seem to do well. Dominique thinks she has a high fashion look. Allison, who has previous modeling experience, thinks she does super duper great. Of course in reality, she stinks up the joint.

The panel seems to like Lauren's photo even though she has no idea what the hell she's doing. Kat's picture looks like that of a Russian mail order bride. Somewhere Natasha's ears must be burning. Fatima and Marvita take some strong photos. I am convinced that Marvita cannot do anything other than that one pissed look she has. The bottom two are Allison and Dominique with Allison being let go. She bursts into tears while I think the real daughter of the inventor of the toaster strudel wouldn't go out like such a pussy. I normally would feel bad to see someone's dreams crushed, but then I remember she's an skank who I hated even before her Barbie incident this week.

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Click here to listen to our thirty-third episode
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Oopsies

2008-03-12T20:13:00.003-05:00

Hi party people,
So, I was supposed to read the below aloud on the last podcast, but like a dufus, I completely forgot. Here are Max's notes on the first two episodes of cycle ten.
xoxo,
Amy
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Hey guys, sorry I can't be there for the podcast. Here are some of my notes from the last two episodes to read aloud on the podcast:

- I'm glad that Tuesday Therapies with Marvita® is back. But I swear,she's gonna end up getting so mad at Fatima that one days she's just gonnago and sew up the labia on her face, too.

- Did anybody else think that Allison looked like Mary Louise Parker? Iwas excited that she wanted to "annihilate" the competition, but too badshe has so far sucked.

- I'm disappointed in Tyra this year. She usually starts off with someserious issue. Instead of biofuel vans and photoshoots about the dangersof smoking, it's high school cheerleading, Hummer limos, and theglamorization of homelessness. Booo.

- Hooray for there being a plethora of Amys! You can never have enoughAmy in your life. ;-)

- Anybody else wanna sew up Anya's face labia?

- There is some serious ugliness on the show this season. Tyra, slowdown, America doesn't have that many beautiful women (at least that wantbe on your show). Now we're stuck with the tragic tranny boring horseynamed Dominique. Neeeeeigh.

- I hope that that ragamuffin Amis takes her name change and runs with it.Top Model hasn't yet had a transitioning transexual contestant on it, hasit?

- Paulina Porizkova told Kim that she had a dark side, and to bring itforth, and then she made a weird sound with her mouth, as if she werehacking something up. Is that model code for "you need to throw up andlose weight?"

- Marvita is Polish?

- I was very proud of Kim for not giving a shit. That should be a newfeature, where one girl each week insults something Tyra cares about,right before walking off the show. Props to Kim!Till next week!

Max

The Girls Go Derelicte

2008-03-06T19:25:00.007-06:00

**Many thanks to Randy once again for our beautiful new banner!!!**

The best way to deal with Top Model Overkill is the skip an entire cycle of it. After getting burned out on the disappointment that was Cycle 8, thank god I took a breather from the even worse Cycle 9. Hopefully, Cycle 10 will be an improvement. I am not holding my breath.

Every time, Tyra gives us a moral quandary to ponder. Last year it was: How far can a girl with Aspereger's go in this competition? This time: Is it wrong to hate a girl who was forced to undergo female circumcision? In between using a CW reality show as a platform against genital mutliation, Fatima is kind of a bitch. I didn't watch last week, but I read she managed to piss of a few girls. This week she drew the ire of both Amis (nee Amy) and Marvita. She must have balls of steel, because Marvita is one dude I wouldn't want to get into a barfight with.

This cycle's house is based on some lame-ass inspiration theme. Along with photos of previous winners, there are "inspirational" quotes from past contestants. We see one bon mot from Robin (Cycle 1). Unfortunately, I don't think any of my favorite quotes will make it on those walls. Such favorites include: "Bitch poured beer on my weave," "Even when I am sitting next to her, all I can smell is bitch," and "I'm sorry if I don't spew rainbows incessantly." Like last cycle, this house is also smoke-free. Luckily, some of these brain trusts figured out that you have to go outside to light a fag. Kimberly mentions that there are two no-smoking signs on the door. I am sure she thought they cancelled each other out. Oh, we'll get back to Kimberly in a minute.

The girls go on a tour of New York which (surprisingly) concludes with a challenge. More surprising is 1)that the fashion show takes place in Time Square, 2) There are more than fifteen people in the audience, and 3) it's for an actual design house, Badgely Mischka. (Note: In what I am convinced is a roundabout shout-out to us: James Mischka is a fellow Rice alum. Along with Candace Bushnell and Alberto Gonzales.) The only one who manages to completely suck at this stage is Marvita, who is looking down the entire time. Kimberly mentions all the expensive clothes she is forced to wear and how it doesn't make sense to her to spend so much money on fashion.

Later, the girls get to go to Elite Model Management to meet their potential boss, a.k.a. that douche from Elite Model Management. TDFEMM brings out Paulina Porizkova to critique each of the girls. Before unleashing her Czech terror, the tells them that this is part of the job. She tells Amis that she has a bad complexion (which she does). Says one girl has a squashed face. And she tells Dominique that she looks like the tranny version of Robin Wright Penn. Which, hee. Even though I think she looks like more fucked up version of Coryn. Although I wouldn't trust the taste of the woman who has to fuck Ric Ocasek, Paulina seems pretty cool so far.

So the first photo shoot of every cycle has some message or theme that makes us think Tyra cares. This time around it's the plight of the homeless. Of course this segues into a plug for Tyra's other show where she had to dress up as a homeless person for a day. It was a life altering experience, blah, blah, blah. Too bad there were no dolphins in the alley she had to stay in for the night. For this shoot, the models will be dressed in Mugatu's Derelicte. The shoot will also feature actual homeless women who will be dressed as extras. Still way too many girls to talk about individually, but I think Marvita and Fatima (who both lived in shelters at one point) are pretty affected by this shoot. In an unrelated note, I think I already hate Allison.

At panel, Tyra introduces us to our surprise new judge! Its Paulina Porizkova! Since CW releases everything via press release, none of us are surprised. Too many girls to go through, but here are some random observations: there are too many girls here! What's up with the one side of Claire's head? Lauren... why is she even here? Anya's picture was not that great. Loved when Amis admitted to staring into the light source. This plus-sized Whitney is a lot better than the last one. The important thing that happened at panel was that Kimberly quit. She goes on some mumbling speech about expensive clothes. Tyra tries to pull the "I picked you over six other girls who actually wanted to be here" bit and then asks her if she wants to leave. Kimberly is all "Smell ya later, Ty Ty" and walks away. I'm sure it was cutaways to the other girls' shocked reactions and the OMINOUS MUSIC OF DOOM that played everytime Kimberly opened her mouth that made this moment more dramatic than it really was. Sadly, she had one of the better pictures.

There is no reprieve from elimination this week. The bottom two are Amis and Atalya. Amis is this cycle's "You're so wrong you're right" girl. Atalya falls into that dangerous category of being pretty, but neither stunning nor weird looking enough to be a model. Since she also doesn't have much of a personality or trauma to exploit, Atalya is unceremoniously cut first. Tyra tells here that she can get some work as a commercial model, which I am sure is a back-handed compliment of some sort.

Next week: Makeovers! Do we still care?

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Click here to listen to our thirty-second episode
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Good quote from TelevisionWithoutPity about Tyra:

"...like the awesomeness of Tyra Banks: she's not a genius because she gives people what they want, she's a genius because she gives people what she wants, which just happens to be a cross-section of what people want, by virtue of the fact that she is shallow and pointless."

All Star ANTM

2008-02-23T10:27:00.003-06:00

Go here for The Fug Girls: Our ANTM All-Star Dream Team.

Thanks to Traci for the link!

Bre

2008-02-12T18:47:00.001-06:00

Interesting link with Bre on the Real Simple website.
xoxo,
Amy

Wah wah waaaaaaaaah....

2007-12-16T12:15:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I hate to be a Debbie Downer (see video below) but we won't be able to podcast until after Christmas. This past Friday, Aaron and I were robbed. As in our house was robbed. They took all our major electronics, which includes the working laptops. I am currently writing from my college laptop that periodically shuts itself down every 15 minutes. So, until I get a working laptop, we won't be able to podcast. Sorry guys, I swear, we are not making this up, we're just having a sort of rough year. I'll still be up and about in emails and the blog, so make sure to keep me updated on what you guys are doing this holiday season.
xoxo,
Amy

debbie downer-lindsay lowham
Uploaded by linvsay

UPDATE: The awesome Mark just sent me the video below that made me feel so much better. Thanks Mark!!

Tyra hates Second Chances

2007-12-12T07:51:00.000-06:00

Previously...
Why hello there. Perviously on Top Model: the first half of cycle 9 happened. Bitches came, bitches went, and now we are left with a more manageable group of girls to lampoon and parody. At this point in the cycle you would think we've separated the wheat from the chafe, but its pretty much the chafe from the rest of the chafe. Here's who we have left in no particular order: Lisa: long legged "entertainer" from New York who was given one of the worst make-overs this cycle, Heather- this cycle's poster girl that Tyra cares whose success infuriates Bianca, Bianca: stank assed bald girl whose stankosity guarantees her a slot in the top three, Chantal: wonky-eyed chick from Austin (Go Horns!), Jenah: this cycles hot mess with her giant chompers and rat weave, Ambreal: this requisite bottom-feeder whose only still here because God and/or Ebony decided pussy out, and Saleisha: the standard pretty girl whose was the challenge of trying to work the Tootie/Dorothy Hamil/Goomba hair do. Seriously, they shoulda spend less time on the CGI morphing effect for the makeovers and more time on the actual makeovers. With last week's elimination of Sarah, who was both too thin and too fat, I stopped caring about who wins.

Act 1: Guess who's going home this week!
From the first two minutes of the episode, you should know that a) Heather is going have a bad week b) Bianca is going to egg her on, and c) Lisa and Ambreal are going to be in the bottom two. Obviously, Heather's success infuriates Bianca to no end. While it is entertaining to see her slowing chip away at Heather's psyche, its does make me feel bad for the poor girl. While I would never describe Heather as pretty, she has done some remarkable modeling this cycle. She also seems like a decent person which makes always makes the other girls ganging up on her seem tacky and mean. We all know that Ambreal got a second chance, do ya think she is going to let that one slip by us. Also, since we barely hear from Jenah, Chantal and Shaleisa, we pretty much know they ain't going anywhere.

Act 2: Doesn't He Have Anything Else to Do?
Tyra must have had it out for Heidi Klum this week, because the challenge is a blatant rip off of Project Runway. Since Tim Gunn was probably busy, Tyra scrounged up a kilt-clad Benny Ninja. Seriously, how many times has he been on this cycle. So far, we have no Atoosa and no Janice. If I were Miss J, I'd think some other queen was gunning from my job. This week's challenge is to assign the girls a student at the same fashion school that Lauren Conrad allegedly went. (Aside: One of my favorite moments on the Hills was when Heidi dropped out sixteen minutes into her first class and then L.C. and Whitney sang a song called "fashion school drop out.") This is a multipart challenge where the model has to inspire the designers to make a dress that fits their personality. I wonder how well that is going to go. Heather inspires a water based design despite the fact that she INSISTS that she was born under the fire sign. (Oh, she's one of those.) Bianca inexpiably gets to be Cleopatra. Jenah thinks she inspires rock 'n roll. Seriously, if we learned anything from Meggg, its that if you have to say you're rock 'n roll, you're probably not. Saliesha gets to be a fairy. Lisa inspires party crashing and Ambreal gets a party dress.

The girls also have to walk and tell the superisingly decent sized crowd how they inspired the garment. The judge is some dude from Elite. Most of the girls do okay. It's only Heather and Lisa who fuck up royally. Heather does not take the criticism well and it reverbreates throughout the rest of the ep. It was edited to show Bianca smiling at this but given this show's history, she was probably laughing because Chantal queefed or something. Even though Jenah totally rocked (geddit) her dress, I was totally happy that she lost out to Saleisha. Her prize is a magazine layout featuring holidy jewelry. She picks Lisa and Bianca(!) as her guests.

Upon returning home, Heather calls dibs on the shower. Drunk with power, Saliesha and Lisa hop in the shower before her which is apparently the last straw for lil Miss Aspergers. She actually gets in the shower and lays into them. It dosen't help that Bianca was there egging her on the entire time. Obviously, she's having a bad day, isn't used to criticism, living with bitches, and disappointment. Even though I actually like Heather, has she not seen an episode of this show??

Act 3: Mi Vida as una Coverchica!
Ah, Jaslene is still around. And for some reason, SHE IS STILL TALKING IN ALL CAPS. In what must be the saddest My Life spot ever, we see Jaslene meeting her fans (both of them) at a Wal-Mart. WTF!?! Wal-Mart. Seriously. That is worse than Naima's slumber party or Dani(elle) taking bunny pictures. I'm sure there some thing about racism to say here, but I am too tired to care right now. Hopefully by next year she'll still be working at a Wal-mart. Yeah, I'm still pissed she won.

Act 4: How is that good for the environment?
Hey, you know what's a great way to promote your green agenda? Take the models in your eco mobile, dump them in the middle of the dessert, and make them take pictures in front of a flaming jalopy. Oh, and there was a car involved. (Bu dum bum!) This week's shoot is about taking pictures in a dress while looking fierce, and trying not to set yourself on fire. Since I was playing Puzzle Quest at the time, I kinda zoned out at this point. All I know is that a Jenah and Chantal did pretty well. Bianca was so fierce she looks like she probably set the car on fire. (Don't tempt her.) Saliesha continues to be blandy pretty. Heather dosen't do so great, yet still manages to pull off a decent photo. Since we already know that Lisa and Ambreal are in the bottom two, we know that they stunk up the joint. Its refreshing to know that Mr. Jay's brand of "coaching" is not coaching and telling the models to pose while not posing is back in full effect.

Act 5: Oh, so we're talking about China now.
Panel! Judges! Afros! The girls are evauluated on their photos. Bianca is lauded for her angry face and is once again told that she could have started that fire. (Seriously, don't tempt her.) Even though Heather had an interesting and decent shot, it was her worst film to date. The two blondes did a good job of selling the dress. Lisa is slipping. Saleisha is boring in photos yet according to Nigel striking in person. I really don't see the difference. Ambreal is not up to snuff. Everyone finds out before elimination that girls get to go to China for this years foreign country. There were dragons, sword dancers, and Tyra a giant novelty fan. In a dick move, the girls are informed that one of them will not be going with them. Bianca get called first which I am sure will get to her already inflated ego. Ambreal is told that she will not be going to China with the other girls and is finally let go. As she blah-blahs about God's plan her portfolio shows that she should have been gone weeks ago. At least Tyra hopes she continues modeling instead of hoping that she continues to try to be a model. Man, Janet''s kiss-off was one of my favorite moments this season.

Next week. The girls go to China much to the chagrin of the podcaster whose name ends in "amy."

Fast forward to 7:07 for an awesome Chantal impression. Thanks Rich!!

p.s. If anyone has a video editig program, can you plase get the clip of Rich pretending to be Chantal and just put it on loop lke 20 times and send me the youtube link for it? I'd love you FOREVER. And post it.

Because She Looks Like LIIIII-ZAAAAAAHHHH!!!

2007-11-04T12:18:00.000-06:00

Keep scrolling for our thirty-first episode, but watch the videos first!

And don't forget to leave us good reviews on iTunes so we can stay on the first page!

**NEW**

Read this great interview with Victoria the Yalie. Thanks to Jatziry for the link!!

You had a bad day, camel toe lie, sing a sad song just to turn it around...

Cat Confused by Butt Scratching

Liza and Larry

Liza and Carol

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Click here to listen to our thirty-first episode
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Episode 30

2007-10-29T02:14:00.000-05:00

UPDATE:
Sorry for the technical difficulties. This new link should be 2.5 hours long. Please reload your iTunes version for the full episode.
Thanks for your patience!

Here it is, the long awaited podcast about episodes 1-4!

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Click here to listen to our thirtieth episode
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xoxo,
The Gang

We're Sorry!!

2007-10-16T09:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, after a way-too-long hiatus, we are back! Sort of. This cycle will be podcast-lite. We have several excuses. They are:

1. Scotty is back in school, and therefore mucho busy as he is a smarty and need to get A's.
2. Amy has a full time and part time job and therefore has no time to do anything else.
3. Amy's dad was diagnosed with cancer and Amy is going a little crazy, and flying back to the east coast a lot to see him.
4. No one else really wants to edit anything. Except for Aaron who is awesome but kind of busy.

So yes, those are the excuses. We are so sorry! That being said, we recorded this weekend, and Aaron will do his best to post it this week. Otherwise, it will be posted beginning of next week.
Can I (Amy) just say how damn much we loved all of your theories? From being in the Middle East with no internet, to Aaron and I broken up (no worries we are still together). You guys are the best. And the bitchery that our absence incurred is also awesome!! Maybe we should be off the air to increase the bitchery? JUST KIDDING!!!

Hope to podcast in a couple of weeks again. Miss you guys so much!
Keep up the emails and chatters!

xoxo,
Amy, Aaron, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Aliens in America

2007-09-10T23:35:00.000-05:00

Like everyone else, I've seen this picture:

So when I opened up the CW website, I immediately assumed "Aliens in America" was a clever advertisement for ANTM. Ah, how I under estimate the anti-brilliance of the CW!

Anyway, I finally got off my ass long enough to digitize our America’s Next Top Model tryout interviews. I have to warn everyone that the sound quality is bad (yes, even worse than usual.) so if you are listening to it, I really have to give you mad props. Enjoy!

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Click here to listen to the ANTM tryouts episode

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The day started out well enough. Well, no, let me back track. It started out badly but then got better, which in the whole picture, made sense. I went to pick Scotty up at school. The collegiates came out of their class, and a new group went in, still, no Scotty. Finally, after waiting for an hour (Betch, you owe me! I only give Aaron 15 minutes before leaving.), just as I pulled up to my garage, Scotty called. Turns out he had skipped class and fallen asleep at home, conveniently with his phone off. Damn you sprint and your faulty chargers!

But I digress. I head over to pick up Scotty, and we get some quick lunch on the way. When we arrived, I felt as if I had inhaled not chicken nuggets and fries, but rather an entire bale of hay. And somewhere in that haystack, a needle was poking at my bladder. No matter, we do a quick recording in the car, and hit the ground running!

As we walked towards Drink Houston – wait, back track again!! Ok, whoever decided to hold this thing at a club during the daytime, and not serve drinks, was an idiot. The club was very damp and dark, with barely any seating. Everyone was sitting on counters (very hygienic for future drinkers) and it was very uncomfortable. As expected, we made several snide remarks about passing girls such as “HEYO! She’s not trying out, I hope!” or “D-damn girl’s got some badunkadunk,” or “That was a dude, right?” There weren’t very many people outside the club, which was weird. We managed to get a couple of interviews, and it turns out, NO ONE can pronounce chartreuse

Overall the interviews went smoothly. Sadly, no one asked where they can listen to their interviews. The highlight of the interview for me was when we accosted someone who I will now refer to as the Red-Eyed Monster. She barely spoke, was tall (to her credit), but had braces, a full inch of gums that were exposed when she mouthed words to us, and one of her eyes was completely red/scary. I know, I know, I shouldn’t make fun of people with eye diseases, but the soul cancer is digging away at me.

Now for the good part. The three requirements to get inside were you had to be female, between the ages of 18-27, and 5’7”. That is it, ladies. Now we see why we had our pick of the litter for the psycho sluts we see on this show. Scotty and I approached the lady who had the power of the stick (and no, she wasn’t a chick with a dick. If only we were that lucky!). She had the power to turn anyone under 5’7” away. When we asked her for permission for a picture, she encouraged me to try out since I was over 5’7”. Naturally, I was more than flattered (think Mean Girls scene when Cady finds out that she had been nominated for Spring Fling Queen, cut to Damien and Janice do an imitation of her swooning at the thought of possible reign) Still, I was hesitant to go in since Scotty had to leave for work in 10 minutes, and it would take hours for the audition. If you’ve met Scotty, though, you know how hard it is to turn down his big, excited, Chinese-opera like blue eyes and Cheshire grin.

With that, Scotty takes my car and I step into the dangerous world of Sluts“R”Us. As soon as I stepped in line, I realize what a huge mistake I had made. I felt as if I had stepped into a really boring lion’s den. There was possible danger, but most likely you had to wait an eternity for anything exciting to happen. By the time it happens, you’d probably be glad that your head was being chewed off (or in this case, your ribs, and instead of a lion it’s Tyra.) There were about three to four hundred girls in line, and cycle one of ANTM was playing on a huge screen. By the interviews, I knew that in this round, the things they asked girls to do were the following:

State your name and age

Tell them why you want to be America’s Next Top Model

Show them your walk

According to one of the girls, there was no panel of judges/directors/producers. Seems as if only the crew was running this whole shebang. No matter, I decided I’d wait for two hours, maximum. After filling out the 10 page application, I got stir crazy and decided I wanted to go home. I called my sister who proceeded to tell me that I would be a terrible reporter (duh that’s why I’m not one) and that I was failing all of our fans. What happened next is what I would like to call Gays to the Rescue. I called up Max and Liang and they both came over immediately! I was so relieved to have the gays over, and we were quickly giggling and gossiping as Max and Liang ate their pizzas and I scratched my mosquito bites that I had accrued while staring at the Hot Topic sign and cursing A.J. Long story short, the day ended at about 10 p.m. when I asked the “bouncer” (CW lady with clipboard) when my number would be called. She gave me an approximation of “midnight at the earliest” and that was when I decided that I had to go home. After all, a girl’s gotta eat.

And oh yeah, the song from this episode is Hotel Song by Regina King. She is the sexx.

My bad

2007-09-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

So, I thought Stephanie had given up on recapping CNTM, but as it turns out, I completely missed her email with the last recap. My bad!! Here are the youtube clips, followed by her recap, and followed by "Canada's Next Top Model....Andrea Muizelaar's True Story." Anyway, sorry this is impossibly late, and thanks again to Stephanie!

Check it out.

Now that the black rain cloud that was Cori is gone the girls do the Snoopy dance of joy around the apartment. Since there are four girls left, it's not until the Jay-Mail arrives that they realize there is only going to be one photo shoot left – the Cover Girl ad.

At the photo studio the girls have the presence of mind to practice in the mirror ahead of time. Tia was a nervous wreck to the point that Nolé stepped in to calm her down. Sinead still comes across as the girl-next-door, no French Vogue potential here. Tara's shots made Nolé happy but I didn't really see why. Rebecca transforms from high fashion into a serene and beaming beauty by exploring her sadistic side. She found her happy place by thinking about Tia banging her head on the limo overhead light.

Back at the house the girls start playing the drinking game "Never Have I Ever". Headed for critical mass one shot at a time, it's revealed that all of the girls have made out with another girl at some point in time. Before long Tia's playing with her nipples and Rebecca is topless. Cut to commercial before anything good happens.

At the first judging session, the judges dance all around Tara's mystery ethnicity. Tia is commended for her ability to make a connection with people. Rebecca impressed them with her transformation into a girly girl. Sinead's Cover Girl ad is the virtually the same as her cover for Fashion Magazine, and I'm fascinated by the 'Mom jeans' she chose to wear to judging. The judges mix it up and call Tia first, only to send her home. Sinead is called and gets to stay. Rebecca and Tara face off but only Rebecca gets a photo. In the leaving speeches Tara is embarrassed to be a loser, but Tia's got her sense of humor and lovingly calls the survivors "bags of douches".

The final walk-off will be between Rebecca and Sinead, wearing Lucian Matis, a mess of Victorian frump and lace mistakenly referred to as haute couture. His work is not couture any more than sparkling wine is Champagne. Look it up, Ms. Beker. The "runway" is a cleared path through a carpeted hotel conference room, full of pedestals that the models must navigate in pencil skirts. Nearly naked men help the girls up and down without falling. Rebecca pegs the situation as a pretentious farce and exaggerates her poses into a comic take on S&M. Sinead is nearly pulled to the ground when her headpiece catches on a decorated trellis. The whole affair reeks of budget constraints, confirmed with the cheap paper confetti falling from the ceiling at the finale.

The girls pack it in at the house and Sinead forgets her big screen television behind. At final judging Rebecca is commended for making editorial come to life, while Sinead's newfound ability to walk has thrilled them all. Next the judges review all of the shoots from the previous weeks. The girls performed similarly on the various assignments. They both sucked on the nudie shoot. The fish shoot was okay, but really, how good can you look with a dead fish stuck to your head? The bling shot goes to Rebecca, whereas the trampoline editorial was equally ugly/good for both of them. The lingerie and dog shoot goes to Rebecca, not only because of Nigel's crush but because Sinead is too boney. The cover for Fashion Magazine is like trying to compare yin and yang: Rebecca is high fashion, while Sinead is approachably feminine. The Cover Girl advertisement should probably be awarded to Sinead for producing more femininity, but Rebecca gets credit for being able to change up her look.

Yasmin Warsame sums up deliberations nicely: "It's two different worlds and we just have to decide which one we want to stand behind." Rebecca has international appeal and now that she's had her feet wet she'll do it successfully whether they give her the win or not. Sinead has a good commercial look, but don't forget that she admitted to not being particularly interested in modeling before being placed on this show. And so Rebecca wins, on her own talent, surely, but also because deep down the judges are likely wary of recreating Season One's debacle of a winner who quits and bad-mouthed the whole industry a few months later. Warsame and the other judges will stand behind the girl less likely to make a mockery of them down the road.

Overall not a bad season, with a winner that doesn't leave us cold and who will be working soon. Nolé Marin, Yasmin Warsame and Nigel Barker came out shining while Jeanne Beker was true to her usual public persona of a bowl of oatmeal. Stacey Mckenzie remains an enigma, on many levels. Paul Alexander failed to impress, but he didn't dig himself a hole either. The Jays, oh the Jays… The Jay Manuel show relied heavily on other personalities; I'm left thinking he supported whoever Nolé, Yasmine and Nigel told him to support. He was no Trisha Helfer, no matter how much makeup he wore. But one thing I can say for sure is that I don't expect Miss Jay Alexander to willingly make an appearance on Season 3.

The day after the finale aired Rebecca was able to publicly acknowledge that she had won and would now start booking work. The most obvious thing about her post-show look is that although she is still under the umbrella of Top Model, her hair color has been toned down to a dull roar and the shape is less architectural. It looks good on her; perhaps this is the stylists' way of apologizing for the crap they initially made her wear.

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"Canada's Next Top Model....Andrea Muizelaar's True Story"
She has her story posted:

My name is Andrea Muizelaar the winner of Canada's Next Top Model season 1. My story is a long one when it comes to CNTM but I will try to sum it up rather quickly in the next few paragraphs.

First, I will say though after being through hell and back I survived the road of being a model. No one seems to realize just the artificial and cut throat industry that fashion and film entail. I am forever changed because of CNTM and am forever thankful of it. I have been so lucky to have had such a strong sense of self to be able to walk away from the "glamorous" life of being a top model. I am not a quitter and want all those who read this to understand that. I had been trying to model on my own for five years (since I was 15) and had been emotionally and physically drained because of it. Once CNTM came around I became stuck between a rock and a hard place; 1)should I continue this unhealthy lifestyle of being stick thin, showing an artificial image or 2) should I accept this opportunity as it is 1 in a million? Of course at the time jumping at the idea of being on CNTM was the answer, like most would have been. The show was interesting; it tested everyone's mind and body to the extreme on CNTM. Even the producers were simply wiped by the end of the show. I got through it though…..my eating disorder (anorexic in case you didn't already know- for five years) was hidden due to the fact that well, skinny is modeling and it is really is okay for this business. Once home after the show I had a few months before the show aired and so I started to gain weight by working with a trainer so that I could be a good role model to women everywhere. This regime went great and my disorder was quite possibly going to heal over with a lot more work…..until I was declared CNTM winner to the entire world of course. Once my first photo shoot came about I was immediately told that I must not keep training and not build any muscle as long and lean is what makes a model and that's the bottom line. Needless to say I heard this repeatedly and so again conformed and became a complete skeleton. This eating disorder and what it did to me after CNTM is one that I could write a book on as it nearly ended my life but the real reason for this group is for me to just touch on CNTM and what it offered for me and my future, so here goes:

1) Contract of $100, 000 was declared work so the government taxed me to the hilt.
2) I was set up with a tiny room in a woman's house engulfed with city dirt, summer heat, no place to respectively store my food. In fact it was so hot that my granola was covered in white worms within three days. Oh yes, I paid about $650 a month for this place.
3) My modeling jobs didn't pay near what the world thinks I would be making, i.e. a cover page and 8 page editorial spread in a top magazine offered me only $500…..and these jobs are rare to begin with.
4) I had an interview where I was taken out of context in regards to a judge on the show CNTM and was looked on negatively and bitterly by absolutely everyone that new this person. Pretty sad seeing as how I was three weeks new to the industry versus the other party of more than 40 years experience.
5) I was told what to say, do, wear, eat, where my hair, colour my hair, how to walk, etc and never got to be the Andrea Muizelaar that one the show in the first place.
6) I was given little to no free products, clothes, make-up etc.
7) I was paying for every expense imaginable, i.e. transportation, rent, portfolio pictures, comp cards, postal services etc…..without my even knowing until I got what little money I made three months later from the original time of the job with deductions included.
8) I was mailed letters from a pre CNTM modeling agency's lawyer claiming I was still under a previous contract and owed money or else I'd have to go to court. This mess was supposed to have been avoided when my parents and I spoke to City TV of the risk of such an event way before the show aried, and City TV said, "If this agency does anything our lawyers will squash it like a bug."…..Well, I told City TV of the problem and they say now "deal with it, it is your problem"….I now have a lawyer and either way my hard earned money (what is left) is being drained
9) I moved out of the confined room and was placed in a man's house where I had to live with mice in another small room. What started off as a few mice turned into utter filth where mice were everywhere….running under me as I ate, shitting on my pillow as I slept. I again was forced to move. Yep I was paying $650 each month as well to live there. I moved to a final location where I was in an apartment building on one of the most dangerous streets in Toronto where I lived with cockroaches, drug dealers, prostitutes etc. for this awesome new residence I paid $675 plus hydro, cable, etc etc.

Well, I could honestly go on for a lot longer and depending on how many people are interested in my story should I consider writing a book.

Keep in mind with all I mentioned above I am lucky on so many things, i.e. I didn't get raped and killed while walking the streets of T.O. alone; or the fact that I was a clean cut kid who wasn't interested in drugs or the party scene (which is a huge part of this business)

To conclude the above I will note though that I am home after 8 months of hell, I work at a bank, I am a healthy, healthy girl who eats tons of food and looks the womanly self I should look like, never again touching a weigh scale, measuring tape etc., I am starting to become social for the first time in a long time due to my illness etc., I am attending college for Business Administration, and bottom line………..I AM HAPPY! Happy and healthy and proud of my success story! Anyone who still has negative comments on this decision well, all I can say is "Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in there shoes."

JOIN THIS GROUP IF YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE A STAND AGAINST THE PRESSURES OF FASHION/ HOLLYWOOD/ THE MEDIA....AND IF YOU SUPPORT MY LIFE CHANGING DECISION:-)

CNTM 2-07: Schizophrenia, Amnesia and Testosterone

2007-08-19T17:14:00.000-05:00

Hi guys!

Sorry this is so late. Life has been busy. Hope everyone enjoy the finale! And of course, stay tuned for our favorite Canadian Stephanie's recap!

Cori found out all the girls hate her and she vows to get even, right off the get-go. She will use all her power for evil, and rid the world of these pesky competitors any way she can. After all she is strong. She is woman. Hear her crying. As she cuddles her teddy bear incestuously.

The girls begin their day by having a workshop with Yanka, an alleged ex-supermodel. It occurs to me that the word 'supermodel' is being thrown around a little too freely these days. She must have made lots of money in her day because she's been eating well. She teaches them "face language" and "visual confidence", some sort of tai chi for faces. To the girls' credit they have the presence of mind to laugh with her and not at her. Save that for us at home.

Next, Stacey Mackenzie greets them at the French Connection UK (read: FCUK) for a mannequin posing challenge. Something about Stacey's hair makes me want to say… electrical socket! They get dressed in their outfits and set up in the street level window; meanwhile Stacey and Nolé Marin go undercover in a town car across the street to watch. And this is where CNTM becomes a sitcom. The judges are outfitted with opera glasses and vintage telescopes. The filmed footage of the store window is accelerated for maximum effect. The girls rock back and forth, window cleaners appear and disappear, people come and go. Stacey and Nolé cackle in their air-conditioned car. Ultimately, Rebecca wins and earns $2000 and 30 minutes in the store to spend it.

The anti-Cori hate shout-outs continue as each girl voices her feelings. It's all very diplomatic – after all, we're Canadian. Cori on the other hand puts aside her vow to be evil, and stresses she doesn't want the next top model to be a big blue meanie, which is exactly why SHE should win – because she's just so damn nice.

Next up, the girls are off for a "cover-try" for Fashion Magazine. What the heck is that? If your picture sucks, we ain't committing to nuthin'! At least on ANTM they give them a real advertisement once you're getting down to the wire… Yasmin Warsame and Nolé meet the girls at The Carlu. Yasmin, the most beautiful woman on the show, has gotten her hair done at the same salon as Stacey Mackenzie, sadly. Sinead is dressed in bridal flounce, or a cupcake, depending on your view, and is deemed quite commercial. Rebecca has a hard outfit to work for a cover shot, given that the front is boring as heck and all the action is in the back. Cori needs to "be strong" for the cover but that's hard when you're always crying. Nolé thinks Tia is birdlike but she looks good in red – maybe she's a cardinal. Tara has this monstrosity of a fake flower stuck to her chest, but even after the photographer makes them take it off she still looks like a prom queen. She's also told to try not to be too tall, and to try not to look like a drag queen.

Back at the apartment, Rebecca learns she has a second part to her prize, and voila: her boyfriend Tyler is waiting in the dining room. Despite being incredibly tall he looks like a little boy with old man hair, very small town. Rebecca needs to take some of her own personal sense of style and start dressing this guy, clean him up a bit. Tia sums up by saying, "Rebecca has just turned in to a Becky." They remove to the bedroom for a while to check the sheets, while Cori complains that there should be no sex in the top model house. She, after all, fancies herself a role model for younger girls. Soon enough Rebecca smartly hightails it out of the house, Tyler in tow. The producers blow their budget and set them up for beer and wings at Filthy MacNasty's, a local chain of bars that I've always thought of as Chuckie Cheese for horny adults on the make. The boyfriend proceeds to get shit-faced and belligerent, plainly setting out to ruin Rebecca's run on national television. Rebecca – you don't deserve this. Changing his clothes won't change his attitude, sista. Since the cameras are everywhere she can't even tell him off properly without offering up another sound bite, so she whisks him back to the bedroom, probably to kick his ass. Evil Cori re-emerges and tries to slide incriminating photos of Rebecca snogging the hockey player under the bedroom door, but the other girls step in as the voice of reason and deny her the pleasure. In the end we see Rebecca hoisting Tyler off in a limo and she tells us she "gave him the poop". I hope this means she told him she'll be moving to Paris to model and she ain't supporting his drunk ass when she's rich and famous.

Cori is back in good girl mode by the next day. She must have bouts of amnesia over her dark side. She shares that she hopes no one makes her cry at judging, as she snuggles up to her teddy bear. Someone should throw that bear in the blender.

And on to judging... Sinead's photo looks good, especially because her white dress is shown on a white background, allowing her face to shine. Rebecca's shot gets rave reviews. It looks like "Italian Vogue the whole way through". The photo "tells a story" for Jeanne Beker, and we know how much she needs her stories. The biggest criticism they can work up for Rebecca is that she would be booked by international designers such as Marc Jacobs or Karl Lagerfield on the strength of this one picture, but maybe not local publication Fashion magazine. Jay throws Cori a diplomatic bone by pointing out that the covers that sell the most magazines are the ones where the models wear red, and she was after all wearing red. Jay also thanks Cori for not having a breakdown this week. Tia brings drama, she's dreamy, but Jay asks if this is a fluke. Tara gets criticized for not using her legs, but earlier she was been criticized for being too tall. What's a girl to do? The judges go off on a rant about misconceptions. Jay claims he doesn't fake and bake. Stacey blurts out "I am not a man." The jury is still out. Jeanne Beker claims she is not a bitch. Again, jury! Paul Alexander said something, but we don't even know who he is in the first place, so who cares. Photographer to the stars or something – he's probably bent out of shape from all of the hubbub Nigel Barker caused last week.

In the final judging, Sinead is called first – she did exactly what the client asked. Tia is next, fluke or not. Rebecca is third (third?!!), and told she needs to learn her client. Yeah, Rebecca, try not to be so internationally appealing next time will you?

Cori and Tara are left to hang because they have no pizzazz. Last week, no one was eliminated, so the tension builds. In the end Tara is saved because she got her photo on the first frame, and oh yeah, Cori was boring. And so ends the last crying jag we'll ever see from Cori. As she says her goodbyes all I can think is that Tara has rather large breasts for a dancer.

Next week: Down to four girls. We have to eliminate three girls on one episode. WTF?

Canada's Next Top Model, Season Two, Episode Six

2007-08-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

As usual, thanks to the uberfantasmic Steph for the shownotes!

Starting with a bang the girls are sent on go-sees, making their home base at Sutherland Models. Because there are five of them they draw straws to see who will go on their own and who will go in pairs. Rebecca gets the short straw and one less hour; the pairs are Cori and Tara, and Tia and Sinead. Things go reasonably well for most of the afternoon. That said, Tara is deemed too tall for runway, something I haven't heard before. Cori is called a "B model" at one appointment and "the prettiest girl in Sudbury" at another, which is a backhanded compliment at best. Cori learns how to hail a cab; next week she'll try out escalators.

The kicker comes when Rebecca learns that she didn't have to do all the appointments in the order they were laid out for her, i.e., A, B, C, etc. Understandably, she was plodding through the alphabet front to back. I blame Jay and his instructions, or lack of them. In order to not be late (or disqualified) she bolts back to the studio and misses two designers. It could be worse – Cori couldn't remember what time she had to be back at all. The prize is a $5000 diamond ring from Birks Jewellers. Jay adds up some sort of scoring from the designers to decide the rankings. Rebecca comes in last, and Jay is hard on her about missing the appointments, ignoring his own complicity. Tia is next, then Tara and Sinead and ultimately Cori gets the bling. How this happens considering the designer's comments is beyond me. Tara, of course, points out that Cori couldn't have made it to even one appointment without her help, and she's pissed off AGAIN.

The house scenes the editors play up this week highlight Cori's wishy-washy-ness. Everyone thinks she's ready to 'sell her soul' to Jay to win CNTM. She puts on her best television face, she has split personality between onscreen and off, she sucks up at judging, etc. What she needs is to ditch her whiny crying Rene Zellweger lemon face.

The shoot this week takes place in Toronto's Distillery District, where they will do a fake ad for the LG Chocolate Phone, and the photographer is going to be Nigel Barker! Ooooooh!!! Aaaaaaah!!! The theme is Bond Girl secret operative with lingerie, trench coats and big dogs. Tia comes out smokin', in control of her garter, the phone and the dog. Sinead is more gangly than sexy. When Tara had the dog she didn't have the phone; when she had the phone she didn't have the hair. Cori couldn't walk the dog to save her life; she was too flustered by Nigel being close by. In contrast, Rebecca's shoot got Nigel all worked up and excited – almost cartwheels. If he could have awarded the whole contest to her right then and there, he would have. It made me feel a little dirty, in a good way.

Nigel later takes the girls out for dinner. Cori thinks he's dreamy; she's so star struck it's sad. The idea of Indian food is freaking her out – she'd rather go to an "Eye-talian" restaurant. We also learn she's never had a cheeseburger in her life, because she doesn't like orange. Hmmmm. Part of me loved that Cori was freaked out, but part of me is peeved about the portrayal of Canadians as potatoes and gravy people. Hella-f*ckin-lo? Multiculturalism is our middle name up here.

The photos reveled at judging actually reflect what we saw in the video, for once. Or maybe the video did justice to the photos, or something. Tia's photo oozes smoldering sexiness, while Sinead looks confident but boney. Cori looked like she was going to cry in her photo, I can't imagine why... Tara is told she looks hesitant and has no presence, which makes the stone-hearted beeyatch break down into tears. Jay does some significant backpedaling about Rebecca's go-sees; maybe he got a talking-to. Her photo is stunning, just ask Nigel, who gushes that LG would probably use this photo in an actual campaign.

Now that everyone's emotions are all out of whack, the girls are asked to rat on each other and expose any misconceptions we might have about them. They go for the jugular and gang up on Cori, citing her tendency to brownnose when the judges are around. Cori wrings out, "I can't respond because sometimes when I'm upset I hyp-(sob)-er-(sob)-vent-(sob)-il-(sob)-ate." Ohmigawd, the list of things wrong with these girls continues to grow.

Judging is cryptic. The only things you can predict are that Rebecca is safe, and that Tara looks like a drag queen. The order is Rebecca, Sinead and then Cori, who's already/still crying. Maybe this was Jay's way of making it up to Rebecca after getting screwed on the go-sees. Despite Tia's fab photo, she is told that the camera doesn't capture what she brings in person. Tara doesn't have whatever it takes to be someone's muse… America's Next Top Inspiration? Gasp, both of them get a photo and no one needs to hightail it out of the house this week.

Next week: With two episodes left, a double elimination is a sure thing. Rebecca gets a surprise, and Cori has blackmail plans.

Canada's Next Top Model, Season Two, Episode Five

2007-07-22T17:01:00.000-05:00

I saw a behind-the-scenes of The Apprentice one time and it said they do things like deny the competitors decent sleep and only stock the house with junk food, which keeps everyone on edge and all hopped up on sugar. In comparison, CNTM exercises dramatic license and moves all of the girls into one room to pump up the drama, apparently needing half the apartment emptied quickly.

The girls are taken to The Yorkville Club for a spinning class, which loosens lips as much as joints. Mo talked about her drive and ambition. Tara talked about being lucky and things always going her way. Rebecca talks about moving forward with her fashion career, but I was transfixed with her face which was the same red shade as her hair. Sinead admitted she knows nothing about modeling. Tia talked about talking and talking and talking. Cori talked about her strong level of confidence, which is unusual since she's always crying. And that's when she threw up.

Next, Jay visits the apartment for the get-to-know-you interviews, and more talking. Mo feels she's working against her skin tone. Sinead loves everyone, but Jay tells her to trust no one. Jay tells Rebecca to act up more and show her personality. Tara tells Jay that her mom went blind seven months ago, from poison, no less. Cori talks about crying so Jay tells her to buck up. And what a surprise – Tia talks about talking. Also, Tia's teeth have those rounded corners that you get when there's something wrong with your nutrition when you're growing.

The girls are shuffled off to Flirty Girl Fitness for a lesson in Carmen Electra styled good old fashioned pole-dancing. They are given twenty minutes to learn a pole routine, and we are told that, "The girl that does the pole dance the best, that exudes the most sexuality, wins." Stacey McKenzie is documenting, I mean perving, the whole affair with her phone's camera feature. Mo got the giggles and collapses without doing much. Cori reminded me of the 'exotic walkers' you can see on amateur night at the seedier clubs. Sinead moved around the pole like a newborn pony – all gangly and timid. Rebecca gives it an admirable effort. Tia doesn't suck at all, despite her initial protests, and seems quite comfortable with flinging herself around the pole in a rather sexy fashion. I personally suspect that's because she's from Montreal, where many a college student uses dancing to pay their way through school. Hmm. Finally, after hearing so much about Tara's history as a 'dancer', we can safely rule out the possibility that it had anything to do with sensual pole-dancing. In fact, a little poking around Google with "Tara Marie Windspur" leads to the "Premiere Dance Academy". It's worth the trip just to see the kind of quality dancing she's referring to… Anyway, only Canadians would root for their competitors, and all the girls cheer each other on. The criteria for winning must have changed without warning because in the end it's NOT the most sexual/sensual dancer that wins, but we are told its the most improved. Cori is selected and she picks Rebecca and Tia to share in the prize of a trip to the spa. Tia pegs Tara as beating up on herself for not winning the dance challenge. Tara meanwhile quickly goes from focusing on her own performance to slamming Cori as trash.

This week is an editorial photo shoot and the girls are uglied up – I have no idea how this is supposed to be pretty in the end. Everyone loses their eyebrows under a Dermablend mask, and most of them lose their lip colour as well. Spooky. Then they have to do trampoline jumping while posing artfully. Nole loves Rebecca's ability and personality at the shoot; she may be taking Jay's advice to act out more. Part two of Cori's prize is 50% more frames plus analysis at the halfway point. Mo can't seem to stay on the trampoline, nor can Tia, who looks remarkably like a teletubbie. Tara's dancer tendencies are holding her back.

On to the assessments… Mo's photo made her look taller than she really is. Cori is learning and listening. I thought Rebecca rocked it. Sinead is told she's not going for it enough. Tara was deemed too graceful with her poses, but all I could think of was Kirsten Dunst doing 'spirit fingers' and jazz hands. I can't even tell you what they thought of Tia because I had to pick myself back up off the floor after Jeanne Beker said she was mentally wonky.

In deliberations we learn that we have several girls who, in time, will be slated for elimination for being too short to model: Mo and Cori, Sinead. I don't know how they can make judging the most boring, uninteresting part of the show but they do. There's not much to report except the order: Cori, Rebecca, Tia, and Sinead are safe. Tara has the pieces but can't pull it together. Poor Mo, however, delivers "mediocre product" and is eliminated. In one of the most dramatic and emotional displays to date, she crumples to the floor with heartbreaking sobs, and everyone else melts.

Next week: Go-sees and dog photos.

Canada's Next Top Model, Season Two, Episode Four

2007-07-16T22:52:00.000-05:00

Stay tuned for Stephanie's recap!

The whole opening house scene boils down to Tia and how she annoys the other girls. Not because she's a twat like Tara, but because she's a wingnut like Jael. Witness her clomp-clomping around, stealing other girl's shoes and yelling, "Rebecca, where the hell did Jesus die?" Clueless.

Jay-Mail tells the girls to "Be the genie", a reference to Jeanne Beker. Oh, the irony! JB is going to teach the girls interviewing skills! And Tonya Harding will teach etiquette, while we're on it. If you read my previous comments you're well aware how I feel about JB's (in)ability to lead a quality interview. Tara gets a few points in my books because she actually drifted off to zzz-land during the "lessons" (to use the word loosely) but her lack of mental attendance is only noticed by the other girls. At the end of the day Tia gets called out by JB for browsing a book they were given, instead of hanging on her every word. JB diagnoses her with attention deficit disorder (ADD), not dyslexia.

Next the girls are introduced to Gina Pugliese, host of "Star Daily", the poor-man's "Entertainment Tonight". They are told they will mock-interview a big celebrity with a list of required questions. The celebrity turns out to be Adamo Ruggiero, who is apparently "known to viewers around the world" as Marco on "wildly successful Degrassi – The Next Generation". Wha…?

The worst performers were Tara, who once again read like a robot, and Rebecca, who brought out the crickets. Tia predicts she will perform like "a bag of douche", but she was merely a mediocre douchette; Gina gives an unremarkable go at it. Cori is openly broken hearted because she found him rude, whereas he apparently comes across as a sweetheart on the show. The best were Sinead "The Tractor", dubbed for her perseverance, and über-determined Mo. Mo gets kudos all round at the time but Sinead is credited with the win, receiving a televised interview and a flat-screen TV. I can't wait for the episode when Sinead gets sent home, and she has to balance her massive TV on top of her luggage as she exits the house. Her televised big break is to interview the designers from Comrags, as part of the 2007 Toronto Fashion Week, and she doesn't suck.

This week's glamour photo shoot takes place at an airplane hanger with photographer Mike Rosenthal, a 2008 CTS Cadillac, a helicopter, and liberal product placements of Pantene and Olay products. Gina produces more mediocrity, as does Tia. Nolé feels Mo is channeling Naomi Campbell and loves it, whereas Sinead is channeling a coma. Nolé also loves Tara, but feels Rebecca over thinks, and starts Cori off on her regular shower of model tear droplets.

Back at the house things quickly break down into perceived insults and hissy fits, It turns into a big "She said, she said" brouhaha, but then MEN show up and everyone is happy again! The hockey team from last episode comes over for drinks and the opportunity to take their shirts off for the camera. Can you say "pale"? Critical mass is attained: more clothes come off, men prance in high heels, everyone crams into the rather small hot tub. Tia reveals herself to be a woo-hoo girl: she yammers something about drinking your own pee, wrestles men to the ground, fakes standing-up-peeing in the bushes, photographs genitalia. The big scandal, however, is that Rebecca kisses a guy, and she has a boyfriend at home. Gasp!

At judging, Jeanne Beker is having conversations with the photos that no one can hear except her. Rebecca, she feels, nails it, because her photo "tells a story" to Miss Beker, but Gina's photo doesn't "speak" at all. Tara's photo is not telling anything interesting to JB, although all the other judges must have heard it because they loved it. Cori cries model tear droplets, again, and I should say I might have too, with Jay, JB and Nolé (via notes) saying you suck, you suck, you suck. Sinead was adequate, while Tia was said to have a bad photo and good attitude. Mo stuns the judges with her photo, apparently because the was touching the bling in the right way. Mo is called up first, followed by Rebecca, Tara, Sinead, Tia. I'm glad Tia is staying because she entertains me like no one else on the show can – not because she has any particular modeling ability. The last two girls are Gina and Cori. Gina may be too commercial, while Cori doubts herself too much Cori, of course, turns on the waterworks. Jay tells her no more tears, but what he should have said was "Stop your fricking crying,girl, or I'll give you something to cry about." Gina goes home.

Next week: The girls learn to work the pole.

Hiatus Episode - Yay!

2007-07-05T18:11:00.001-05:00

Between watching porn and getting together with friends, we finally got our shit together and recorded an episode! Unfortunately, Max was still quarantined and Scotty had to work, so it was little ole me, Aaron, Javier, and our friend Vianna (think April Fool's finger giving hotness.)
Enjoy. We miss you guys!
xoxo,
Amy
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Click here to listen to our twenty-ninth episode
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p.s. This is extremely NSFW, and bad for peeps under 18 (They make me say this). But if you're really really bored, click on this.

The Cutting Edge: Canada's Next Top Model, Season Two, Episode Three

2007-06-27T23:43:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the awesomelicious Stephanie as usual for the recap! (To follow after the clips)

This episode is chock full of stank. There's a term in Canadian broadcasting that explains this episode: CanCon. The Canadian government has a policy that the airwaves need to dedicate a certain percentage of time to homegrown content. This episode of CNTM should satisfy the CanCon requirement for the rest of the summer – you could not pack any more Canadian content in if you brought in a Mountie and maple syrup.

The girls are shunted off to the Hershey Centre, an arena in nearby Mississauga, where they are put on skates and partnered up with members of a local hockey team. This, apparently, is where the girls are going to hone their runway skills, because in Canada we skate down OUR catwalks. Miss Jay wobbles in from the sidelines on skates, and if you listened closely you could hear the sound of regret – regret for not reading the small type of his contract. A few skating lessons with the hockey team end in a free-for-all pose-off. Mo goes down and stays down… until after the commercial break, when we see she's fine. Once the carpet gets rolled out onto the ice, we learn that Rebecca has scoliosis and puts special effort into keeping her posture under control. Cory has a crying stint, which she attributes to PTSD from some undisclosed past event. Jay joins in on the medical theme, with his chemo-styled headscarf.

Stacey McKenzie arrives as a segue to the MuchMusic TV studio for a competitive walk-off in front of an audience of teens. MuchMusic is the Canadian equivalent of MTV, except it still shows music videos – ha ha. Jay Manual is from Toronto, after all, and gets a decent reaction, but the studio audience reacts more to Jay Alexander. Our ladies are dressed in pink cat suit and veils, and given cheesy household props to model, such as a frying pan, toilet brush, or a Swiffer (trademark registered!!!). Since this runway training episode has little connection to anything useful, the girl climb down a set of stairs, dance around, and wave their cleaning products. The process makes a mockery of runway; the audience knows it, and so does Miss Jay.

Tara is declared the winner of the challenge and receives a diamond watch in return, which of course she taunts the others with. They retaliate in the camera closet. Also, the girls make a photo album of each other, but use a crack shot to represent their favorite person to hate.

Next we're off to a greenhouse to meet Nolé Marin for a commercial for Venus Breeze razors (trademark registered!!!). The script they need to memorize is the length of a short story, so no surprise that the girls have trouble. Oh, Brit-Brit, where are you now? Mo has trouble hiding her British/Island/something accent, which seems like a strange thing to ask given last season's pro melting pot policy. Rebecca says she has a bad memory, but more pressing is that Nolé doesn't like her speaking voice. Tia reveals she has dyslexia and cries over horrible memories of... something. Here we can see that some girls get better support than others, because Nolé also has dyslexia. Steff is in trouble again because she needs cue cards, however since the final commercial edits together single phrases from each girl, that shouldn't have been a big deal. Tara is a complete train wreck – no voice, no memory, no personality. Ironically, when I watched the episode the very next commercial they showed was for Venus Breeze razors, and it was the standard beach version, NOT the one filmed in the greenhouse.

Jay Alexander acts as guest judge at elimination and the girls have to navigate the entrance stairs in tight pencil skirts. Since they all fail miserably, Miss Jay tries to show them how it's all done. Sadly, even the expert can't save this one and I feel sorry for him. Jay Manuel begins judging and declares that everyone was horrible. Tara is saved by the MuchMusic walk-off. Next are Cori, Sinead, Rebecca, Mo ("Pick an accent when you do a commercial"), and Tia. Gina and Steff are last up. Steff is visibly pissed off that she is in the bottom. PISSED. OFF. Gina may be an actress but may not be a model. Steff could have showed her personality in the commercial but she fell flat. Gina is called forward. Last week Steff showed us why she's super cool, and she leaves with more of the same. Citing "three strikes you're out", she comes back to hug Tia then walks off. Lessons learned tonight: (1) Everybody on the show is saddled with some sort of medical or psychological problem. (2) If they hand you a toilet brush and tell you to work it, be very very suspicious.

The Squid and the Whale: Canada's Next Top Model, Season Two, Episode Two

2007-06-16T14:33:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the ultra sexy Stephanie for the awesome recap!

And as always,please leave us good reviews on iTunes! Thanks to everyone who has already done so!
Leave many many comments on our blog posts, and send us emails to antpodcast@gmail.com.
Please vote for us on Blogger's Choice Awards. If this link doesn't work, just go to http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/ and search for us under antpodcast.Be our myspace friend!
Lastly, please vote for us on podcast alley. We have a sad, SAD 42 votes, while idol chatter has 800 million votes.
xoxo,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

I'm such a sucker – I checked Wiki CNTM a couple hours before the show aired and they had a summary of the episode already posted! But what a red herring – it was nothing like what really happened and now in hindsight I feel like I was conned by a large marketing machine. You could take this as a sign that the producers are well organized, but wait! When the show starts we see the girls discovering a cold hot tub on the deck, labeled off limits since no one had the foresight to warm it up in advance. Hello? This was filmed in the late winter after all. Duh.

The first Jay-Mail hints at makeovers and the girls are quickly trucked off to Capucci Salon. The product placement trend established last week continues in spades. At the Salon the girls are treated to Nice and Easy hair dye, straight from the package. The colorists at this high-end salon don't create their own color, but pose unnaturally with drugstore boxes and tubes. Halfway through the cuts the girls get Covergirl gift baskets with a note that they have been filled with makeup specially picked for each girl's complexions. I guess they can't be trusted to do it on their own. Or maybe they're just not allowed out.

The makeovers: CNTM changed up the predictable "long-short, blonde-brown switch" routine that ANTM relies on. Two girls with long hair got to keep it: Cori's straight long brown hair simply got bigger and wavier and now she looks like a bartender who might get bigger tips. Jacqueline also got off easy, with her red Felicity hair getting only slightly trimmed and dyed slightly more brown. Two girls with short hair got to stay short: Mo, the only black girl in the competition (since they didn't keep my favorite Regine from ep. 1) got her finger-length hair restyled and now she looks like she has sexy bed-head. Mall model Steff had her neck length blond cut slightly shorter and sharper so that now she has become a ringer for actress Katie Sackhoff on Battlestar Galactica. Two girls got extensions: Tara had her wild kinky hair straightened and got a weave. (Wait, Tara showed a lot of patience with that weave process, maybe she's black, but if she is, she's a Janet Jackson black, not a Samuel L. Jackson black.) Tia has changed from all right to noticeable, mind you in a disconcerting way. She has over-collagened Nata lips, but she also has these big doe eyes (or maybe they're deer-in-the-headlights eyes) that reminds me of the look that all the models had in the Vanity Fair feature recently.

Of course the most drama happened in the group that had their hair cut off. Gina/Melrose had her long blonde straight hair turned into a short brown bob, but she coped and may have been smart enough to expect it. Sinead is getting her long wavy brown hair cut into what Jay called a "Natalie Portman" cut, but really, the idea of a bald Sinead is ironic, don't you think? Sinead starts having flashbacks about her sister's brain tumor and the haircut she had to have. Everyone supports her and she gets through, probably because Jay has already left the building. It was certainly an opportunity for the "models must put aside these emotions" spiel that Ty-Ty might make. Rebecca came in sporting long brown bangs and butt-length hair a la Pussycat Doll Chelsea, and leaves with a shoulder length, bright red bob. It's a disaster, it's so Vidal Sassoon it looks like plastic. She says that if she saw herself walking down the street she would think she was a freak, not high fashion. Shots without makeup look like last season's runway, but the makeup (not her choice – done by professionals) makes her look like an overdone sixties drag queen. Sinead's crying wins her a $5000 Visa for being so "admirable" – turns out she donated her hair to Locks for Love.

Back to the house for two minutes of clips. Tara hates everyone. Everyone hates her. Hate hate hate. The hot tub is ready, but don't get Tara's weave wet.

Off to Studio One, where a platter of squid, crab, octopus, eel, mussels, smelt waits. After the girls stop grossing out, producers put a small octopus on Steff's arm for no reason other than to get her freaked – this was not part of her shoot.Sinead gets an octopus on her head; Rebecca gets some kind of giant smelt; Jacqueline gets caviar eyebrows and an eel on her neck; Steff gets a periwinkle snail shower cap; Mo gets a fish in her hair and seaweed on her neck; Tia gets a crayfish necklace; Cori gets a lobster hat and a seaweed necklace; Tara gets a crab on her head and won't stop complaining about getting her weave wet with crab juice.

Sinead goes shopping with a stylist from the salon and brings back bracelets for everyone. Tara gives her stink eye. Jay has left everyone a black dress to wear to judging.

At judging we are all blinded by Jay's jacket. Wow. It's white with pink and green flowers over it and a pink shirt. Pure upholstery material. It turns out that they all had the same dress, even though they are wearing them all in different ways. They are given 30 seconds to pick accessories from a table. Sinead takes a gold belt and earrings; judges call her photo regal. Jeanne Beker calls it high fashion. Mo takes a black hat and red earrings; judges say her photo has no expression and is blank. Gina wears a beret, making me think she's aware of her Melrose-ness. Jeanne Beker calls her mean looking. Tia thinks sunglasses on her head compliment a cocktail dress. Judges say her photo shows off her "sensual lips". Tia says she liked her baby lobster necklace. Someone says that they're crayfish, not lobsters, to which she answers "well not yet". Crickets. Cori confirms my bartender theory by putting on a cowboy hat with sunglasses (this ain't the Coyote Search, girlfriend). Judges call her Vegas cowboy. Tara goes for pearls and sunglasses on head. Jay does the "You should do this, then do this" trick he learned from Mama Ty Ty. Rebecca has super-styling ability, according to Jay, with her black/white checkered hat and long black necklace. I think she has confirmed her own "freak" prediction, but Jeanne Beker calls her high fashion and haunting, and "good for you for disguising your weak chin". Jacqueline throws a sash around her neck, which is immediately moved by the judges to create an Empire waist. JB calls her face a mask. Steff goes simple with a silver headband. Judges tell her off for freaking out over the octopus, "It costs 20,000/hour to run that set, that would come out of your paycheck…", and everyone seems to forget that it wasn't even part of her photo setup, it was solely done by the producers to make good television. Behind her, Sinead faints. No crew comes running, only the on-air people. If that happened to me I would like to think someone might be more concerned. Does that mean its normal for models to faint – no one reacts? For god's sake, eat something ladies. Fade to commercial.

They come back like nothing happened – Jay: you were "dehydrated, riiiiiigt?" Tormenting Steff continues: Jay says she looks like a linebacker, JB declares, "This shot looks stupid" as if Steff designed it.

In deliberations Paul Alexander calls ugly girls "swamp donkeys". Jeanne Beker says "high fashion" about ten more times, and talks about how fashion should be "elevating", she feels elevated, this girl doesn't elevate her enough. Blah blah blah, Jeanne. Sinead is called first, followed by Rebecca, Tara, Cori, Tia, Mo, and Gina. Steff is told she is not photogenic, while Jacqueline is not memorable. Steff channels pure Starbuck with her cocky "yes sir, no sir" to the criticisms, and Jacqueline is sent home.

Next week, Canadian cliché ice-skating, Mo takes a potentially pelvic bone crunching fall, Miss Jay makes and appearance and the girls learn catwalk.

Canada's Next Top Model, season two, episode one

2007-06-10T11:03:00.000-05:00

First things first:

Please mail stuff to us at:

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Please leave us good reviews on iTunes! Thanks to everyone who has already done so!

Feel free to leave many many comments on our blog posts, and send us emails to antpodcast@gmail.com. We'll be lonely during the hiatus!

There's no way we will win, but please vote for us on Blogger's Choice Awards. If this link doesn't work, just go to http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/ and search for us under antpodcast.

Be our myspace friend!

Lastly, please vote for us on podcast alley. We have a sad, SAD 42 votes, while idol chatter has 800 million votes.

Now for the fun part. Stephanie from Canada has awesomely recapped Canada's Next Top Model for us (Thanks Steph!) She is funny, she is sexy, and she will blow your brains out if you don't read her recaps. So do it, bitches, and send her lots of Rotel afterwards, for she is a Rotelmaniac.

If you don't have Canada's Next Top Model like us in America, I have included the youtubes below. Stephanie's recap follows.

xoxo,
Amy

White town cars driving from Pearson airport to downtown Toronto. Mr. Jay brings in the ten girls and does a big "welcome to CNTM", then tells them "there's something important on the other side of this sliding door", and of course they all think it’s Tyra. I did too. Then the door opens and its ten more girls, and they almost cry. I didn't, because the prettier girls were in the 2nd group. Jay introduces Nolé Marin and Stacey Mackenzie, the Amazon-lipped alleged ex-model. A lot of the girls look like bartenders. I take back what I said about them being hotter than last season; they shots I saw must have been AFTER the makeover. All the headshots make the girls look like they have bug eyes and flappy jowls, even when they don't look like that in person.

A few are memorable: Elle is a pure Hooters girl; no two ways around them, I mean it. Jacqueline should be on the Coyote search. Steff is a mall model and you can tell they like her enough to get through, same with Tara. Gina reminds me of Melrose. Rebecca will be nice if you could make her wear some makeup. My clear favorite is Regine (from Montreal of course). Tara, Steff, Gina, Rebecca and Jacqueline make it. Regine doesn't, even though they said they could picture her on runways in Europe. No plus size models even made it to the top 20, let alone top 10.

The house is full of pictures of Jay Manuel – creepy! Not as inspiring as female pics might be, just saying. The kitchen is filled with cheap junk food like Cheetos and frozen pizzas that no one knows how to heat up. The gift baskets on the beds are full of Crest and Olay products – don't hold back on the swag or anything. It's all edited to be product placement after product placement, even later in the shoot.

Shoot 1:
The Nude PhotoThey go to Shmooze (an expensive and cavernous pick-up bar in Toronto), Nolé Marin brings in two male models. Naked chicks with a strategic bolt of cloth, probably a commercial for Olay Ribbons Moisturizer or something. This one girl Mika goes on and on about how her rich dad will disown her for going on the show because he thinks the modeling industry is all a sex ring. Then she does her photos and the comments are that she "pushes the sexual limits" of the shoot, like a true porn star. Everyone else is forgettable.

At the judging when Jay talks about the rewards, he says they're getting a shoot for "Fashion" magazine, which is the biggest Canadian based fashion magazine and published out of Toronto. But when he says it, it sounds like he forgot the word "a" or "some": a spread in some fashion magazine, to be decided later, if we like you.

Jasmine Wasabi/Warsame, Jeanne Beker, the photographer and Jay are the judges. Jeanne (pronounced Jeannie) Beker is the host of several fashion TV shows in Canada, so she goes to every fashion week there is. The funny thing is, she knows nothing about fashion and she's horrible at interviewing, and she only ever gushes over what a fantastic collection she just saw even when it looks like hacked-up cat food. If you look closely you can see the designers rolling their eyes when she approaches them waving the microphone. They tolerate her because somehow she managed to wangle a monopoly on Canadian fashion reporting. (She probably did some favor for Moses Znaimer – google him.)

Let me say again, there are NO plus size models here. The judges go into their deliberations. "These girls need to lose weight, nobody likes a fat model. We need to introduce them to the harsh reality." Now what would Tyra think of that talk? There's one girl who looks like the cover of Shape or Fit magazine, but they say she's too fat and needs to GET TONED! (Did you see Tyra on the cover of Shape? Jay – for shame!) Apparently, "toned" is the new code word for "bulimic". At one point Judge Jasmine says the male model holding one girl's boobs looks like he's touching something nasty.

The girls are all equally crappy at this stage, since they sent my Regine home so soon. The first girl called is no different than the eighth girl called. The last two girls are Mall Model Steff and Porn Star Mika. Jay gives the "Each girl has what the other girl needs" speech, and sends Mika packing. Sorry about that inheritance, Mika. Top Model don't tolerate no porn.

My prediction for the end: Tara. Quote me on it.

Next week: The girls get their makeovers and pose with squid on their heads – I kid you not.

Tyra Loves the Extra Chromosome

2007-05-28T16:19:00.000-05:00

For my impending graduation from UT, Tyra gave me the gift that I have always wanted: a Top Model I hate even more than Naima (C.4). Between this, the renewal of One Tree Hill and the cancellation of Veronica Mars (fuck you, Dawn Ostroff), the CW is on my shit list. The promos promise us a finale full of fun and surprises. Since the Top Model finale never deviates too much, one surprise is that Renee wasn't in the final two. This is kinda shocking, because she seemed to be doing well in the final challenge. The other surprise is that Nata's husband isn't hideous as we thought he would be.

The first part is always the CoverGirl commercial shoot. The commercial also doubles as the winner's first "My Life as a Cover Girl" spot. We have a special guest, CariDee, who apparently decided to become some kinda of flapper slut or the world's fiercest mop. The girls have to ad-lib the words. Every girl has one shitty take and then one great take. Natasha, located after a photo shoot, explains things phonetically. But it can be expected because she is the ESL model. Renee, dressed as a disco ball, is on a boat. I think she talks about how motherhood ruined her life, but Top Model has given her a fresh start or something. Her second take is much better. Jaslene is in the back seat of a car (too easy) and decided to spice it up a little by speaking a little Spanish. Jay calls the move brilliant, which, um, okaaaaaay. But her voice does a lot sound better in Spanish. Her English is the aural equivalent of a steamroller.

In the meantime, the longest day of Caridee's life has finally concluded.

This is a hard decision because no one outright sucked. Natasha has a difficult time smiling. She looks like she's constipated in her photo. Renee looks like she’s a 60 year old woman trying to look 40. Jaslene's photo is not commercial enough, but she did reign in her massive jaw line and for that she is called first. Apparently, Natasha's adaptability is more important that Renee's agedness because Natasha is the second finalist. Tyra hates Tiki Hut Trash. Jaslene is shocked or she loves giving showing us her O-face. I so had Renee and Natasha pegged to be the final two. But Renee does give Natasha some inspiring words about winning it for the mama's. I wish she would have told her that she walks like a pigeon-toed duck with a piece of poo hanging out of her ass. Ah well, see ya later, grandma. Don't let the sliding door at Luby's hit your ass on the way out.

In an interview, Jaslene threatens to rip out all of Natasha's hair if she wins. I know this is supposed to make us think that Jas is determined to win and really wants it. But it only makes her seem muy, muy loca. It wit, Natasha did interview that Jaslene is the weakest model because of her photos. They probably won’t be BFFs after this.
We waste no time in jumping to the fashion show. Like last year's "Ghost Bride" debacle, Top Model has another stupid ass theme this year: it’s Encino Model! The first pass, the girls have to walk around the runway acting like primordial man just discovering fashion. I guess they couldn't afford the rights to that song from Space Odyssey. Also, primordial equals stupid head pieces.

Natasha starts off strong with both passes. During her second pass, her dress falls off but it doesn’t faze her. Her fierceness seems to taper off towards the end though. I forgot what Jaslene does, but Tyra says she started off weaker but gained momentum towards the end. The girls close out the shot perched on ladders while vogueing. I am sure Benny Ninja would be proud. Better than last cycle, but not as awesome as the Thailand fashion show or the South African fashion show. (Even if that one begat us fucking Naima.)

At the final panel, it’s pretty obvious that Jaslene is going to take it all. Her face is confident and her hair is better. Also, Natasha looks a little too mopey and a little chunky compared to Jaslene. Also, all the photos that the panel goes thorough (political stance, high school) are all ones the Natasha sucked at. As Jaslene's name is called, Natasha is very congratulatory to Jaslene. In her interview that she is happy to go home and see her family. Even though Tyra hates Rushkie Business, Natasha takes the crown as the classiest girl this cycle. I am sure that she will be fine in the future. (She also loves Texas and that always scores points with me.)
Jaslene is crowned America’s Next Top Model. Being the drag queen/Carmen Miranda/Latina stereotype she has been portrayed as, she of course decides to salsa. Jaslene gives her "inspirational" speech about persevering in the face of adversity or rejection or something. I dunno.

Coming up: We take a well deserved reprieve from this show because I think we are getting kinda sick of it. Peace out, bitches!

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Click here to listen to our twenty-eighth episode

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Thanks to Dominick for the awesome fan art, and thanks to Frank and everyone else for the banners and logos! Keep them coming!

Please mail stuff to us at:
America’s Next Top Podcast
6730 Long Drive
Houston, TX 77087

Please leave us good reviews on iTunes! Thanks to everyone who has already done so! Check out this awesome fan art by Dominick!

Feel free to leave many many comments on our blog posts, and send us emails to antpodcast@gmail.com. We'll be lonely during the hiatus!

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Miss you already,

xoxo,

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

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Extra Stuff we make references to in this episode:

Liza!:

Liza Minnelli on Larry King (2006)
Uploaded by RichJuz

Straight guy at gay bathhouse:

Living Dolls:

More fan art. Yay! Sorry for the delayed post of these images. Thanks to Frances, Emma, and

Jawesome article

2007-05-21T17:28:00.000-05:00

Heeeeey,

Check out this article about how Natasha was not a mail order bride after all. Damn you Renee for spreading that rumor! Damn you brain for not questioning Renee earlier!

Big hare-lipped kisses,
Elaine

p.s. Here I am attacking the zookeeper's crotch. Yom!

Jaslene's Very Own Pretty Party

2007-05-21T00:08:00.000-05:00

Ok ok, I know this is totally copying from fourfour (again), but really, how is it different from anything else we've ever done?

And oh yeah, thanks to fourfour for every single image below.

We start our journey with this:

And continue with these:

Not Jaslene, but too good to pass up:

Well, I'm glad that we ended with this:

Wait, no I'm not. I still say Elaine should have taken the whole thing home:

We'll miss you, Elaine.

You Rape To-ma-to, I Rape To-mah-to

2007-05-20T23:50:00.000-05:00

Jazz Hands!

Rape!

Molestastic!

Mail stuff to us at:

America’s Next Top Podcast
6730 Long Drive
Houston, TX 77087

Tyra Hates Wholahay Brown a.k.a. The Girl with the Pearl Necklace

2007-05-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

One would think that with the ouster for Brit-brit, the drama factor of ANTM would decrease exponentially. But fear not true-believers, as we have an episode chockfull of bitchery, hypocrisy, schemery, and good ole pain-in-the assery. As the CW promos state, the beautiful [Ha!] become ugly [Too late!]

This week’s first challenge is to use a little body pain and some dancing to tell a story to an Aussie Model and some Aborigines. Dionne does not want to participate because she hates dancing or something. Se can be drenched in ice cream and caramel or made to look like a corpse, but put the girl in body paint and have her move her arms a little and all of a sudden she's modest. I never realized what a complainer that girl is. The others seem to be more into this challenge. Renee tells some origin story of abuse which totally justifies her being a total cunt. I forgot what Jaslene says, because I've learned to tune that girl out when she opens her empanada-hole. Natasha has a winning strategy by whispering her story in an attempt to get people to pay attention. Unfortunately, the plan backfires and nobody hears a damn thing she says. [Maybe it was at that time she revealed the name of her husband.] Renee wins the challenge and her prize is a pearl necklace. [Insert Joke Here]

Since Dionne totally overworked during the day, she decides that the girls need to blow off some steam. Natasha is not feeling too well, so she decides to stay in. Like sharks, the girls sense some menstrual blood and decide to attack Natasha while she's sick. At the bar, Renee leads Twiddle-dumb and Twiddle-dumbass in a round of "We hate Natasha." All the girls agree that she is a fraud with a sketchy marriage situation. While true, being a mail order bride is as sketchy as having a husband who lives on the beach and goes to places for 'business deals." People who live in glass tiki huts shouldn't throw poi, NeNe. While extremely arrogant, Natasha has been edited to be very kind and compassionate to the other girls. She congratulated Jaslene last week when she won the challenge and tried to comfort Brit during her meltdown. During interviews, she's never said anything more cruel or bitchy than Jaslene, Dionne, and especially Renee have said. Remember, just last week Jaslene was talking shit about Renee. And Dionne and Renee aren’t necessarily BFFs. The other girls agree and decide that something needs to be done about Natasha. Gee, I wonder what kind of ingenious plan these half-wits have concocted.

Dionne hopes and prays that this week’s photo shoot won't have dancing in it. Hasn't she ever seen this show before. And when did she become the next Dolores Umbridge with her anti-fun crusade? Top models have to jump through Diana's earrings sized hoops to win this show. You have to look the damn fool to get Tyra to notice show. This week’s photo shoot involves desecrating some indigenous legends. The girls also have to dance. Any-who, she continues to do her angry face until Jay finally coaxes her into doing something decent. Jaslene and Renee do pretty well, it’s obvious that these two will be safe. And then there's Natasha. Last week I mentioned that Natasha who have to take a dump at the photo shoot to land herself in the next bottom two. Well, that would have been more interesting that what she does at the photo shoot. With her illness in full effect, she just stands there. Jay tries to get her to work through the illness, but it does not work.

Renee hopes that Natasha does not use her sickness as an excuse for mediocre photos. While I agree, its no worse that using your infant child as a ploy to garner sympathy from the judges and designers, Renee. After the reading Tyra-mail, Natasha asks what is going to happen tomorrow. The remaining three sarcastically tell her that someone is going home.
At panel, the girls decide to reveal their little McCarthy-esque plot. Tyra asks the girls the question: Who has the most potential and who has the least? For the most potential, all the girls (except Dionne) pick themselves. Renee once again brings up her family, i.e. the fire under her butt. (Um, ewww.) Natasha talks about her strong Eastern features. Dionne picks Jaslene (really!?!) for her fierce poses and Guatemalaness, her primitive 'eat. Dionne not picking her self is one of many stupid things that transpire in the next ten minutes.

For least potential, Renee, Jaslene, and Dionne all pick Natasha, who they care about and respect. Not because she has a similar poses, tends to over pout, or hunch her noses. No, the models think Nata has the least potential because her personality seems fake. Seriously, Natasha's personality seems fake? That's the best they could come up with? That is retarded for several reasons:

1.) They all pick the SAME model and for the SAME reason, which only makes them petty and stupid.
2.) They pick Natasha who the judges clearly like for both her photos (not this week) and her personality. Also, at least Nata was never called out for having no personality (Jaslene) or need to have an intervention because her personality was so rancid (Renee.)
3.) They pick the one girl with the mutant ability to take criticism and metamorph it into a compliment.

So, are we at all surprised when Natasha thanks the other girls for their critiques and hints that maybe the girls might be a tiny bit jealous at all the attention she gets? By dealing with the responses so well, it elevates her with the judges (it actually saves her this week) and makes Renee, Dionne and Jaslene look bad. As for the pictures, Natasha's worst is still on par with the best that Dionne and Jaslene brought. Renee's photo was actually pretty good.
While the judges are deliberating, Natasha tries to ask the girls why they think she's fake. The other's just respond that they think she’s phony and they don't believe what she says. So much for caring and respecting her. Jaslene actually has the hubris (look it up, Jaslene) by getting all defensive that Natasha actually thinks they might be jealous. While all of this is happening, Renee is just smiling in the background. Don't worry, that shit eating grin is soon wiped off from her face.

The judges love they way Natasha handled the critiques. The judges love Renee but she photographs really old. Like Melrose old. Dionne is improving, but is the worst girl left. Tyra is worried that Jaslene wants this too much. Because she is insane. Four girls remain, but Tyra only has three photos. Not surprisingly, Renee and Jaslene get photos. The final two are Dionne and Natasha. Dionne is not improving as they hoped she would and Natasha had a really bad week. Tyra launches into this speech that they don't live in the house and they don't see the drama that unfolds. Maybe Natasha is a fake bitch, or maybe (as she pulls out Natasha’s photo) the rest are just jealous. Tyra even tells us that Natasha's portfolio is better than Dionne’s. (Suck on that, Wholahay!) Natasha, being the classiest girl left, tries to hug Dionne, but Dionne too shocked to even recognize her. Renee is stunned and Jaslene’s jaw practically hits the floor. I am not too sure if they are upset that Dionne was eliminated or that their ingenious plan backfired. Either way, Dionne's portfolio is not that great and she was the correct one to be sent home.

So, our final three are Natasha, Jaslene, and Renee. It’s a toss up. Jaslene and Renee have never been in the bottom two but I think Nata has been called before them more times. I have nightmares of Jaslene's potential My Life as a Cover Girl spots. We already had a reformed bitch win (C.2's Eva Pigford) and we just had a blonde win last time (CariDee). So my fearless prediction is that America's Next Top Model is ... Joanie. She did take the best picture all season.

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Click here to listen to our twenty-seventh episode
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Tyra hates Taxicab Tantrums

2007-05-15T16:43:00.000-05:00

And we're back. Previously, everyone else was eliminated, Dionne went all ape shit on Renee and Natasha tried on some black face. This week, we find the girls back from Jael's elimination. She has left the girls letters (probably scrawled in crayon). To Brit, she mentions something that she would have gladly been eliminated to allow Brit-brit to stay. Awww, that’s really sweet. Even someone with Jael's awesome intellect can tell within the first 30 seconds that Brittany is either 1) Be over dramatic, annoy everyone but totally rock the photo shoot or 2) Be over dramatic, annoy everyone and get her ass booted. This week, it’s a little bit of both.

Dionne, who herself is not having the best of weeks, calls Brit on her memory bullshit recalling that Brit was able to remember all her lines for the Pedro challenge. Everyone is sick and tired of Brit blaming all of her problems on thing such as car accidents, horrible weaves, evil ducks, and as we'll soon discover, a vast web of taxi drivers who have it against her.

This week is the Go See episode, where the models pimp themselves out to prospective clients and see how they can manage in the real world. This is also a time challenge and those who do not make it back will be disqualified. Every year, this happens to one person and I wonder who it's going to happen to this year. (Remember Thailand where no one made it back on time. Those were the days.) Based on the "loser" theme that plays, its obvious that Brittany is not going to make it back on time. It wouldn't have mattered because she pretty much sucked at all of her go sees with her horrible walk and her non-personality. Didn't she remember that she won the high school runway challenge. Oh wait, she didn't. Renee decided to pander to a recent mother and slips in some pics of her weird looking offspring. Jaslene seems to impress the designers. Dionne thinks "Go See" is Aussie slang for "free shit." I am not sure how Natasha did, because she was also late and eliminated. Even though she was a little cross, she was a class act compared to the meltdown that Brit had when she didn't make it on time. Basically, Brit was that one girl who every cycle thinks that she can squeeze one last go see in and she tells her driver that she is going somewhere. Since her cab drive wasn't bulimic, i.e. able to read minds, he just stays put. This, of course makes her late, and she proceeds to have a HISSY FIT outside the modeling agency. Natasha (who is kinda awesome in this episode) tries to console her and Brit puts ALL the blame on the cab driver. It was at this point where that bitch is dead to me. She is so loud and obnoxious, that she even interrupts the model-lady announce that Jaslene is the challenge winner. The prize is a photo shoot with Nigel. Woo hoo!

You know how Tyra is always stressing the difference between men's magazines and women's magazines. (Hunch back = women, straight back = men. Legs together = Vogue, Legs apart = Maxim). This week, she decided to make a photo shoot around it. The girls will take two photos this week. The first will be soft and ethereal bikini shots shot by Tyra herself. Never mind the girls are half naked and with paired with a hunky male model. The second is a glossy, whored-up version shot, with a bikini and a hunky male model. No one does spectacularly bad this week. Jaslene takes a while to finally get going. Natasha gets excited as usual. Dionne needs to be told what to do. Renee and Brit are also there, but I forgot how they did. Renee does look pretty good with the weave though.

I don't know if this will amount to anything, but before panel, Jaslene interviews that she wants Renee gone since she is only interested in modeling because of the money.

This week’s guest judge is model-lady. Most of the girls take good shots. Dionne's are pretty "meh" and she is struggling with her facial poses. When prompted to whip out three different poses, she goes all mean, mean, and hood. Natasha's pouty face finally becomes an advantage, but she needs to be more versatile. Renee is lauded for something called a "toot push" but is in danger of being "too commercial." Jaslene really connects with the camera and has her first strong showing in weeks. Brit takes some really great shots, but is also a hysterical mess and to make matters worse, none of the designers would have booked her at Go Sees. Twiggy condescendingly asks her is she was a wreck in front of the designers. (Which was awesome!)

After a little math lesson from Tyra, Dionne and Brit are the bottom two. Dionne gets another opportunity to mooch some freebies on some poor unsuspecting designer. And Brit is sent back. Hopefully, she won't remember that she was eliminated and shows up to the next photo shoot, only to be rejected once again.

Next week: Natasha gets the sniffles and we learn how Renee gets her bitch back.

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Click here to listen to our twenty-sixth episode
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Sorry it's been so long guys! We'll try to be better next time. Still love us?
If you do, please leave us many good reviews on iTunes! If you don't, please still leave us many good reviews on iTunes!

Love you like a Sylar,
Amy, Aaron, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Still having problems

2007-05-15T08:25:00.000-05:00

Our technical support still has not come through. Sigh. Sorry people. Here's some fan art to keep you entertained for now.

Nothing to do with ANTM

2007-05-07T18:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know this has nothing to do with ANTM, but a friend of a friend of mine is moving and can't bring her cat with her. If anyone is interested in adopting this healthy friendly kitty (esp if you're in the Houston area) please please contact these people. You can get more information at their website http://dkthecat.com/

I'm officially a crazy cat lady. I've come to terms with it now.

xoxo,

Amy

Ahhhh...bucket.

2007-05-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

We're back! Almost. We will record some time this week, so don't you worry your pretty little heads about it! We've missed you so much! In the meantime, here's something to keep you busy:

Check out more awesome images like these here.

xoxo,

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Tyra Hates Blewish American Princesses

2007-04-22T20:14:00.000-05:00

Following Whitney's inevitable booting, the girls decided have a detente and frolic in the pool. Since there is a pool involved, we already know that Jael and Natasha are going to be there. But we also see that Renee and Brit are there as well. Jael, who does not know the meaning of the word "armistice," whips out her guns. Renee's soul cancer creeps back and she cattily (or truthfully) admits that Jael's not a really good model. Things we learn this week include: Brit has no short term memory, Cycle 2's April has a successful career doing interviews, there is room for one more gay man on this show, Brit has no short term memory, it is possible for Dionne to have a mediocre week and still be charming (to me at least), the spirit of Steve Irwin lives on in Renee, and Brit has no short term memory.

The reason why America's Next Top Model needs to be a good speaker is that sometimes modeling jobs require models to talk. They usually don't have to come up with the words, but they have to say them. Cycle 2's winner Yoanna had a steady gig on The Look for Less. Since she was probably busy gracing the pages of GoFugYourself, ANTM instead gives us Cycle 2's April, who used to host the UPN's internet show about Top Model. Since Tyra is determined to hire every unemployed homo in West Hollywood, the models get pointers from other actor/comedian. The girls try to learn how to have a good interview with less than ideal subjects. The two we learn about are: blabber mouths and quiet types. The next phase is to take their newfound skills and interview each other. The interviews are somewhat combative with the girls trying to insult each other while asking questions.

Since the girls just learned how to be next Barbara Walt... scratch that, um, Tyra Ban..., no. Fuck it, let's just say Elizabeth Hasselback, this week's challenge is to interview people on the streets. The big twist is that the girls have to interview people in AUSTRALIA. By the time it takes Natasha's brain to process that information, she nearly has a seizure. Tyra in a kangaroo outfit and a live kangaroo were not enough to convey that information. I so would have paid money to see her weave come off with that kangaroo mask.

Top Model CG Plane! Australia! As soon as the girls disembark, they are met by Erika Heynatz, the first host of Australia's Next Top Model. Erika outlines the first challenge. The girls get to play correspondent for the Tyra Show and have to interview Australians on fashion using Aussie slang. In order to help, the girls are given a primer on key words to use. Of course, this sets off Brit's Woe-is-MEter, because she has trouble with her short term memory due to injuries suffered from a car accident. She apparently forgets that she has to interview Aussies and scores an interview with an older American tourist. Dionne thinks, "Oh that's cool," is Aussie slang. Jael strikes some weird poses while she interviews people. Renee appears to do a good job as she interviews people on the beach. Jaslene and Natasha ask questions. The winner, whose interview will be featured on the Tyra show, will be announced during panel.

The CoverGirl commercial rears its ugly head once again. After last cycle's Catalan travesty, the producers decided the let the girls speak English. But the models have to do using an Aussie accent. While seemingly easy, this twist does pose a challenge to most of the girls. Dionne and Jaslene have noticeable regional accents. Brit has no short term memory. Natasha is not a native speaker and has thick Russian accent. Jael is Jael.

Renee goes first and does a pretty good job channeling the Croc Hunter, but looks strangely mannish and older. Jaslene pulls it together by the sixth take. Jael and Dionne struggle. Within one minute, the former cries, goes crazier, decides to become Captain Planet: Defender of the Universe, plays with a sheep, and climbs a tree. Natasha squints a little but gets things done. Brit (looking a lot like Rachel Weisz) struggles with memorizing the lines. I don't know if you've heard, but she was in a car accident which really affected her short term memory.

A great outback shot of Tyra transitions to really well done-up Tyra Banks. Kudos Aussie make-up people. There are prizes. There are judges. There is one girl whose ass is getting shipped back to America. Natasha gets evaluated first and the judges praise her efforts despite the language barrier. She gets some points off for relying on that pouty thing she does. Dionne needs to camp things up a bit. Jaslene was really committed to the accent but has some massive frown lines. Renee does a good accent, but needs to be more feminine. Jael apparently looks like an anarchist making fun of a CoverGirl. Tyra needs to tell her to be an anarchist making fun of a CoverGirl, but be more subtle about it or something. I'm not sure. If I don't get it, there is no way in hell Jael did either. Brit is told that fashion has no sympathy or empathy and that she needs to find a way to work with her limitations. Maybe she should have used a combination of informative tattoos and Polaroids to get through the photo shoot and solve the mystery of who killed her wife.

Natasha gets called first and surprisingly wins this week’s correspondent challenge. I think the point of this cycle is about going to extremes, but then pull it back. That's what Tyra thinks Renee, Jaslene and Dionne need to be better at. The bottom two is Brit-brit and Jael. Brit needs to stop her bitching and work with her limitations and Jael is a ghastly mess. Jael is released back into society armed with a wig and a tutu. Look out, evil doers! I am actually impressed she lasted this long.

Next week: Crikey! Shite happens, mate!

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Click here to listen to our twenty-fifth episode
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Tyra hates the Real Big Green

2007-04-16T01:18:00.000-05:00

Between all the allusions to previous cycles and Jaslene and Renee's self awareness, this season of Top Model is getting a little too meta. So it would make perfect sense to bring forth an explosion of Top Modelness with a mini reunion of sorts. I dunno, maybe an all-star cycle is not unfathomable after all. This week, our models are trying to live with loss. Renee tries to lose her bitchy demeanor. Brit loses the weave she's been bitching about since the beginning of time. Natasha loses her cool when confronted with other people's children. And the entire house loses Whitney, who tried her darnedest yet whose photos just kept coming out flat. (Which is very impressive given her curvaceousness)

This week has the first of several acting challenges. In a bit of CW synergy, the models encounter one of the Mowry twitches. I think it’s Tia. In an oddly placed time waster of a challenge, the girls have to don stupid hats and can try to act a personality based on the hat. Whitney goes the sultry route. Nata becomes a shrill witch. Jaslene uses her crown to once again act like a drag queen. But it is Brit who wins my heart by acting like an idoit in a jester's hat, complete with acrobatics.

The real challenge is to endure being around the guy who was in that movie that I didn't bother to see because it looked stupid and everyone started quoting it and treated like it was the bestest thing since My So-Called Life and then I really started to hate it... Suffice to say, I did not vote for Pedro. The models are given a script that they have to memorize in two hours and then act out with the aforementioned character actor. There are three scenarios: Melodramatic (think Brit), Diva (think Naomi), and Bubbly (think Tyra in white girl mode). During the melodramtic challenge, Dionne decided to channel Wholahay Brown and whips out this f-ed up accent. Jaslene manages to forget her lines. Natasha speaks every word pho-net-ic-ly. But it is Renee who impresses Efren the most and wins the challenge. She gets to pick a friend so share her victory. Since its Renee, who is lacking in the friend department, she picks Dionne. The first prize they get is a shirt referencing that accursed movie.

The actual prize is a family visit. Renee is visited by her non-sketchy, totally-legit, beach-dwelling husband and their weird looking baby (“Thank god I’m not the only person who thought that baby was a little fugly” – Amy.) Dionne gets a visit from her mom, sister, and daughter. Dionne's reaction to her baby's hair is priceless. In terms of family histories, mother in a wheelchair always trumps unemployed husband. (Sorry, Nene). All the motherliness strikes a nerve with Natasha, who begins to miss her giant eyed daughter. She calls her husband, Stuart, who once again come off as a nice guy. Nata's tantrum helps us segue into this week’s photo shoot where she is clearly still upset about it.

The theme of this week’s photo shoot is to relive some of the infamous moments in Top Model history. The girls have to invoke a previous Top Model contestant in the form of a comic Payless Shoes ad. Um, okaaaaay. The neat surprise is that the ghosts of Top Model past will actually be in the photo with them. Jaslene and Bre get to relive that weird granola bar incident. Natasha apparently contracted Michelle's infatigo. (BTW, Michelle is looking oodles better this time around). Whitney will not go nude, despite Shannon's insistence. Jael tries to faint and seduce Rebecca at the same time. Brittany becomes the meat of an Amanda and Michelle sandwich. Joanie gets to pull out Renee's elephant sound producing snaggle tooth. (Jay worries that Joanie is outshine Renne in the shot, which is true because Joanie kicks ass) Dionne gets to smooch Kim in the back of the limo. It’s funny when Dionne describes Kim as boyish and dorky just as she enters the room. But other than mega-lez, those are the two words that best describe Kim.
Panel. Tyra seems to be wearing something from the Queen Amidala Maternity Line. She also has her hand on her hip while she's introducing the panel. Natasha, Dionne, and Brittany are all praised for their photos. Both Natasha and Dionne are lauded for their weekly improvements, except for Dionne's clothing choices. Renee also does well, but does photograph a bit old, which is the same thing that Jade and Melrose were accused. Jaslene's presence is diminishing; she to find the right balance between draggy and non-existent. But Whitney's bland photos and Jael’s inability to complete a coherent thought land them in the bottom two. Tyra gives the ole "You have what the other girl needs" spiel before finally sending Whitney back to the Ivy Leagues.

Overall, Whitney is a beautiful girl and one of my favorites. Too bad her portfolio is kinda blah. Even though she is one of the most intelligent girls to ever grace this show, I am not too sure the lesson she was supposed to learn from her elimination was to try acting.

Next week: The girls go down under and face the dreaded commercial challenge. This does not portend well for Natasha and Jael.

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Click here to listen to our twenty-fourth episode
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Tyra Hates the Cheerleader Who Wouldn't Stop Clapping

2007-04-09T23:29:00.000-05:00

It's celebrity week in Top Model land! That means this week is all about personalities: real and alter-egos. So obviously, this week's main character is Jael. Though not the prettiest model in the competition, she is definitely one of the stand-outs this season, for better or worse. We learn the Jael is not intimidated by celebrities. We also learn what makes Renee so unpleasant (clue: she's a bitch), Dionne has a daughter (which both she and the viewers completely forgot about) and the Brittany's weave still hurts.The first step to developing a personality is to get a new name. The girls go some place to meet Ms. Leslie Hornsby. Who is Leslie Hornsby you ask? Why she is none other than Twiggy St. Twigglestern. Twiggy regales/bores the girls with how she was deemed "Twiggy" and because of it she was discovered and went on to become a living legend. A name can make or break a model and you can't mention Top Model and monikers without dragging up Melrose "No Issa" Bickerstaff. The girls are tasked with coming up with new names for themselves. Some girls kept their own unique names: Jael and Jaslene. Some girls basically decided to truncate their names: Nata and Brit. Sarah uses her middle name, Moe, which is just as bland as she is. Renee and Whitey use parts of their names to get Nayien and Whittel. Lastly, Dionne uses a documentary and her love of older men to come up with Wholahay. Okaaaay.

The girls take their new names and have to impress a bunch of celebrities and one "Funky Cold Medina." I was so hoping for Tone Loc but it's actually Benny Media, Tyra's manager. Here a brief lowdown of what happens: Jael pisses off 50 Cent so he throws her into a pool, twice;

("Apparently, you can't hang with that. But you can throw it in the pool." - Aaron)

Natasha has a momentary brain lapse and jumps in after her; Renee tells Nicole Richie that she hates Jael, Nicole Ritchie tells Jael that Renee hates her. The challenge is to impress Benny Media and his court. Jael and Natasha get scolded for showing up wet. Renee and Benny do little "Who's on First" bit with the whole "What’s your name?" "Nayien" "Yes, what’s your name?" "Nayien" "I know, what's your name?" But it's Dionne, who remembers that she has a daughter and cries into a Hermes scarf, that impresses him the most. Her prize is a Keds photo shoot with two friends. She selects Whitney and Jaslene.

Jael confronts Renee about the whole being a bitch thing. Their animosity towards each other is so profound, that Tyra's drama sense starts tingling. She decided to have one of her sit-ins. She asks the girls if they have any secrets or if there is anything on their minds. Brit reveals that her weave hurts. Someone rats on Renee, so Tyra thinks it might be therapeutic for her to get on stage and have the rest of the girls yell at her. It’s so, "I'm so sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed."

This week’s photo shoot is about personality. The girls have to self-style themselves and take four headshots of their selected personalities. Jael and her rat tail select: Sexy Beast, Anarchist, Revolutionary, and Dominator. Which are all kind of the same. Nata uses most of the adjectives she knows and does: sad, sexy, happy, and surprised. Wholahay is sensitive, hood, friendly, evil. That thing on Brit's head is not just evil, but secret evil. But she is also goofy, spacey, and innocent. Renee is sexual, dark side, motherly (ha!) and sorrow. No matter what Jaslene picks, they all translate to drag queen, drag queen, tranny, drag queen. Whittelle is secretive, peaceful, thinker, and comedian. Sarah is innocent, angry, sad, and happy.

Tyra thinks of herself as Emphatic, Entrepreneur, Supermodel and Silly. This week's guest judge is Benny "Funky Cold" Media. The best shots this week go to Jael, Natasha, Brittany. Jael's photos look like a MAC ad. Since Tyra hates some of the nicknames, she gives Wholahay the moniker "Brown." She does well but is not spectacular. Renee gets renamed "NeNe" and also does fine, but needs to take it to the next level and not be afraid to get ugly. Jaslene takes one decent photo four times. The judges compare it to a horrible picture of Janice. This week's bottom two are Whitney and Sarah. Tyra blah, blahs that Whitney is turning into this cycle's Jaeda. Sarah is too much of a thinker and a poser (pun intended, right?) and her pictures are too generic and amateur. Like Aaron, Tyra has a soft spot for large black women and Whitney is given one more chance. Sarah is sent released to pursue her modeling/singing/acting/photography.

Au revoir, Moe. You didn't turn out as awful as I thought you were going to be. See ya at the Midvale School for the Gifted.

Next week:...

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Click here to listen to our twenty-third episode

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Congrats to Alice whose quote got picked for Covergirl of the week!

Tyra hates Diana, Big and Tall (aka. Jersey Girls who wear giant hoop earrings.)

2007-04-03T00:26:00.000-05:00

Last week, Baby TyTy was eliminated for reasons that somehow escape me and Renee decided to reform her bitchy ways and be all nice and snugly. Nine girls remain. This week's “A” story is all about Natasha: Soviet spy, stay at home mom, and mail-order bride. (That is totally going to be a kickass Lifetime move. – Amy) She's having some troubles relating to the other girls because of the the language barrier or something. She calls her husband and he seems genuinely nice and supportive, which he has to be since she is basically his investment. He asks her if she wants to say "Hi" to something which could either be his wang, or a baby, or a puppy or something else the inspires annoying baby talk. The “B” story is about the budding friendship between Diana and Whitney. They both so happy to have another large girl in the house. Wouldn't it suck if one of them was not there by the end of the week. I think this weeks C story is the Renee is back to being a bitch. She tells Whitney that there will never be a fat girl on a magazine cover, as much as she would like to see one (which is a full bullshit.) Whitney and Diana are annoyed.

This week is all about fashion and clothes. The girls meet the head of Elite Models who is accompanied by a real fashion model to show these bitches why they'll probably never make it. After being forced to don "terrible" outfits, the girls then have to trade clothes with each other show how the simple task of sharing clothes can have some lesbianic tendencies.

Sears warehouse! This weeks challenge has the girls assigned to three teams of three. Each team has a few minutes to dress, accessorize, and make a living display out of items that can be found at an a local Sears (cha-ching!) Despite being shackled with Jael and Natasha, Whitney would have won the challenge. Unfortunately, Whitney was not on the podium on time. The grand winner is Sarah, whose prize is additional frames and extra coaching from Jay at the upcoming photo shoot. This pisses off her team because Dionne (who works in retail) picked out all the clothes and Renee (who is back to being an insufferable shrew) picked out all the accessorizes. It is not shown whether or not Sarah gives any credit to the others, but probably not based on this episode's title.

This week's photo shoot injects some more testosterone to this show. Actually it doesn't, the dudes they brought in are drag queens. The girls will become drag kings. Aww, its so sweet to see Jaslene reunited with her people. S/he seemed like s/he was missing home a few weeks ago. Doing well this week are Jaslene (sailor) and Brit-brit (Mountain man Bob). Natasha really gets into her hip-hop makeup, complete with her own custom made gum wrapper grill. Her fashion magazine research has apparently paid off (which is probably how she got most of her English). Nat does so well, she actually gets applause from the rest of the girls. Renee is a rocker dude. Not so well this week are Jael (bohemian), Diana (red carpet dude?), Whitney (collegiate guy with boobs, aka Did you know I go to Dartmouth?), Sarah (Sergeant Pepper), and Dionne (businessman.) Particularly struggling is Diana who is asked by Jay why she wants to be her. She answers him with all the enthusiasm of Anchal's dancing. Things look grim for her.

(Go teen wolf!)

Mod-librarian Tyra leads us to panel. This week Twiggy is wearing a red blazer that I am sure she's whips out every three weeks. The guest judge is the Elite model lady. The judges ooh and ahh over Natasha and Dione's photos. Twiggy loves Nat's spirit and Dionne finally looks like a model at judging, i.e. she slicked back her hair. Jaslene,Brit-brit, and Renee are also unsurprisingly safe this week. Sarah's extra shots saved her ass this week. The judges are not too fond of Whitney or Jael or Diana this week. The Elite lady does not see "model" in both Jael and Sarah, but it is the big girls who are this week's bottom two. Even though Tyra has also wanted more plus sized on this show, there can only be room for one this week. Diana is (justifiably) sent home much and she has the loser's montage to prove it. Her only striking photo being the one that fades away leaving us with only seven girls and Jaslene.

Next week: Paris and Nicole (!) and Renee and Jael have a row.

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Click here to listen to our twenty-second episode
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Poll for Jaslene's drag name will be up soon!

Vianna's permission for us to publish her photo is still pending (you'll see what i'm talking about after the first 10 or 15 minutes of the episode)

Sorry for the length of the episode again! Thank you guys so much for listening!

Your task for the week: Leave us enough 5 star reviews on iTunes for us to move from 4.5 stars to 5 stars!

Tyra Hates Baby Ty ty

2007-03-24T20:57:00.000-05:00

Alright, this picture isn't from the latest episode, but I just find it particularly amusing.

Don't stay tuned for Javier's show notes. Sorry!

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Click here to listen to our twenty-first episode
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We need a drag name for Jaslene! Send me your entries and we will take a vote and reward you with non existent internet fame.

Tyra Hates the Shnoz of Gold

2007-03-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

Time for my favorite time of the cycle: MAKEOVERS! But before we get to the vast improvements, let’s talk about the drama. Previously, we have not seen or heard too much of Brittany, other than she apparently can walk and take great photos. Apparently, she is also a bit of a whiny, crybaby brat who is constantly complaining. I guess Renee's maternal instincts haven't kicked in just yet, because she is constantly bitching about Brittany's bitching. Brit-brit is also getting on the rest of the girls' nerves as well, because both of the big girls are also annoyed with her. The latter even going so far as to call her out on it. Not in the bitchy way Renee does, but more in a "I like you and all, but I'll give you something to cry about if you don't shut the fuck up." We also learn that Cassandra is relatively nice, normal person who is trying to be competitive but still friendly with the rest of these girls. Her days are pretty much numbered (Spoiler.)

The girls go to a salon and Tyra uses her "acting" skills to segue into a montage of girls hating their makeovers. These ungrateful bitches go all the way back to the days of yore when Top Model was still shiny and new on the waning UPN. Here a bit of a breakdown: Diana goes lighter, Sarah goes darker, Cassandra gets a frizzy 'fro, Renee goes shorter (I was hoping she'd get decapitated), Jaslene gets trimmed and volume, Whitney gets extensions and volume, Felicia goes darker, longer, and with bangs, Dionne gets Kelis style short do, Natasha goes for heavy bangs and chocolate brown. The two most drastic and painful are Brittany and Jael who get longer extensions that have to be sewn in. Brittany's is pretty successful but when Jael is almost finished, Jay tells her that she is getting the Tyra Banks Special, i.e. The Mia Farrow Pixie Cut that she bestows on one girl each cycle. After sitting in a chair for eight hours of pain, Jael is a little upset but is overall a pretty good sport about it. On average, most of the makeovers are pretty successful: Jaslene, Brittany, and Cassandra looked remarkably better. The two worst are probably Jael (not a fan of the short hair on her) and Natasha (who looks like she is wearing a Cleopatra wig). Most of the girls' seem to like their new do's, except Brit-brit is constantly bitching about all the pain she's in.

Back at the house, Jael gets some terrible news: a close friend of hers OD'ed. Naturally, Jael is unhinged. Brittany and Whitney try to confront her. Normally, I am not a fan of overt religiosity. But unlike C.1's Robin (who made the entire house hold hands and pray) and C.7's Monique (who would openly read the Bible by the pool and yet be a mega bitch to her housemates), Whitney wasn't trying to cram God down Jael's throat but was rather trying to comfort her. (Here is where Amy rolls the eyes.)
There is one scene where Jael and Brittany are sitting by the pool while Renee and (apparent Cunt by Association) Diana are bitching about Brit-brit being all shallow and fake in trying to help Jael. Instead of actually helping her, they complain about the people who do. All this escalates into a confrontation between Renee and Brittany that concludes with B telling Renee that she is kicking her ass in this competition and Renee responding by giving her a blurry finger.

The challenge is a makeup challenge where the girls don sundresses and have to put make up within a time limit. Brittany complains (again) of digestive issues and promises to the best she can. Apparently, even at a crippled state she is able to win the challenge and select two girls to be part of Seventeen magazine photo shoot. She picks Sarah (I know!) and Jael. Cassandra was unable to complete the challenge and was disqualified. The most disappointing thing about this competition is a lack of some Seventeen's Atoosa. I gots to get me some Atoosa and her cheekbones of awesomeness.

Not only are we blessed with the makeover, but we also get the Nekkid shoot as well. The theme is sweets, and the girls are going to be covered in candy, syrup, chocolate, and for some masochistic reason ice cream. This prompts Brittany (again!) to bitch about holding cold ice cream and being naked. Felicia, in a moment of great frankness, tells her that it is going to be cold for everyone. The rivalry between Brit-brit and Renee heats up, but even that bitch has to admit Brittany did a awesome job. Sarah compares her to Kate Moss which Renee promptly dismisses. Struggling this week is Diana, who does not really know how to work with her curves. Jaslene tries to show her personality in her shoot. Her voice is really deep in her interview so I think she's been forgetting to take her estrogen supplements.

A candy store pic of Tyra leads us into this week’s panel. Tyra is really taking the whole pirate/fortune teller them to a whole new level complete with frizzy 'do to go with the ensemble. This week, many of the girls are told to let their hair down and not accessorize so much. Which is a bit of a departure when past girls were told to pull their hair back. Jael works through the pain and really delivers a great photo. Brittany also does really well and is lauded by all the judges even though she bitches (again!) on how much her weave hurts. Sarah finally takes a decent photo which is compared side by side with Renee's weaker photo. Apparently, Sarah has something in the eyes. The judges rave over Jael's photo who she dedicates to her friend. I'm glad Tyra got to put on her concerned face but I am actually shocked that host, mentor, and executive producer was not aware that something tragic happened to one of her girls. Other shit happens too and the girls are dismissed while the judges deliberate.

Although Jael takes a pretty good photo and has a newly deceased friend, its not enough to get first pic this week. That honor goes to Brittany, much to the chagrin of half the girls left. There are some weird facial close ups as other girls get called. This week’s bottom three is Jaslene, Cassandra and Diana. Jaslene is reprimanded for her apparent lack of personality. Cassandra has plateaued. Diana cannot really pose and she is kinda boring (and a C.B.A.). Even though Cassandra is very likable, the judges feel that Diana can show more improvement. All I think is that she can show more growth, if you know what I mean. Cassandra takes things pretty well. (Because she's a nice, normal person and that shit ain't gonna cut it.)

Next week: Renee wants to kick some ass and take names later. Since she's featured in the previews that probably mean that she's safe next week. Bum city.

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Click here to listen to our twentieth episode
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Check out Aaron's sorta new baby, COUCHVILLE!

Oh, apparently Jael has gotten over the death of her friend. Read the blog. As usual, I'm more concerned about the cat in the closet. Isn't that just cruel?? (Thanks to Alexandra for the link and pics!)

If you've been missing ANTM

2007-03-18T15:36:00.000-05:00

Hola, international listeners!
I've gotten some emails that you over sea-ers haven't been able to watch cycle 8 because of air delay. So I'm going to post episodes 3 below (couldn't find the premier episode (1 and 2) 2 hour special on youtube, sorry!) so you guy can catch up! I haven't been able to find a working episode 4 yet, but I'll post it when/if I do!
xoxo,
Amy

Tyra Hates the Good Little Bad Girl

2007-03-13T21:16:00.000-05:00

Someone must be approaching their high school reunion, because it’s "Back to School, Back to Cool" week in Tyra Land. Featured girls in this episode are Jaselene, who is having trouble being away from home or missing her mother or some crap like that; Natasha, who's having some issues with the whole English thing; Renee, who seems hellbent on starting shit with everyone who isn't her kid; and Samatha, who is miss whatever it is that makes Alabama so effing rad. The first Tyra mail clues the girls that they are doing something that babies learn how to do. Since babies are only good for crying (which all these bitches are good at), defficating, and sucking the life out of everything that I hold dear, the girls correctly guess that it is the walking lesson. Usually walking lesson means Ms. Jay in ridonkulous outfits. This week we are treated to Band Master Jay, School Marm Jay, and Drag Prom Queen Jay. Lesson the first: walk. Lesson the second: walk with two other girls. It doesn't seem that hard, but some of the girls struggle with the "choreography" of walking in a line, then stopping, then cross over, then walking back. Natasha stuggles because the only works she can understand in English are "Martian" and "mouse and squirel." Jaslene doesn’t take orders too well, and decides since she walks "all day, everyday" she'll just do whatever the hell she wants. This episode's challenge is a prom themed runway show with each girl wearing three prom dresses: contemporary, 80s, and ghetto fabulous (i.e. tranny whore). Due to the quick editing, it’s kinda hard to tell who does well. There's some walking, pointless posing, sashaying, and a whole lot of colliding. Apparently, Britney does well enough to impress the guest judge and she is deemed the winner. Her "prize" is a giant trophy with a heel on it. Our prize is watching an eager and smiling Jaslene being told that she is the worst walker in the history of humanity. You can see her face fall frame by frame and it is tragi-larious.

Back at the house, Renee baits Jaslene into bitching about her poor performance. Jaslene also hears Felicia talking about her disappointment which causes her to freak out and confront Felicia in the bathroom. Fucking Renee remarks that Jaslene is crying in the telephone room, which highlights that bitch's hypocrisy since she's only done two things since she's been on the show: crying and being a fucking cunt. Natasha decides to make the Tyra-mail an E.S.L. lesson. The blank stares of her housemates and cricket sound effect #2 tells us that failed miserably.

This week's photoshot is high school cliché. There are still too many girls to write about so here's a mass recap. Renee gets pissed that other girls get relatively easy assignments, which is true: Sarah (flirt), Jael (nerd)), Cassandra (cheerleader), Dionne (bad girl), Whitney (mean girl), Brittney (valedictorian), and Diana (class president) are relatively safe. But Renee chooses Samantha (bad rep/slut) and Jaslene (weirdo) to bitch about. First, Jaslene's makeup/outfit made her look atrocious and Samantha was so uncomfortable looking like a hoochie. Also, Fucking Renee bitches about Jael and Sarah being at her shoot, but that doesn’t stop her from watching other girls' shoot. Ugh. Fucking Renee. Natasha fails to understand the concept of teacher's pet and pretty much screws up another photo shoot.

At panel, Jaslene and Felicia's photos get mad raves. Jaslene brings up the house drama, which causes Renee roll her eyes at no one in particular. Tyra basically tells her "Suck it up, chica!" Natasha gets criticized for her horrible photo shoot. Mr. Jay compares her to season 3's Ann who also was a pretty girl who could not take direction to save her sweet Eva-luvin' ass. Natasha quite good naturedly turns the criticism into a compliment and counters that Ann was one of the better looking girls that season. If Natasha were on Heroes, her special powers would be to squint and turn critiques into compliments.

The order of pictures doesn’t really matter, since Renee (whose picture was kinda terrible) gets her print before a lot of much more deserving girls. Jaslene gets hers first. The bottom two are: Natasha and Samantha. Apparently, there’s still some more of Natasha's whole mail order bride/fish out of water story to exploit because she is given a reprieve. Sam's little dang-nabbit stomp is kinda cute. Pity, because Samantha was one of the nicer and prettier girls this cycle. Ah well, we all know that pretty won't cut it in this world.

Next week: Makeovers! The never-before-mentioned rivalry between Renee and Brittney heats up and something terrible happens to Jael. (and she gets some terrible news over the phone.)

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Click here to listen to our nineteenth episode
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Please don't forget to send us lots of emails at antpodcast@gmail.com, or leave us a voicemail at 206-350-TYRA (8972)

Also, please keep adding good reviews for us on iTunes so we can get bumped to their features page...one day. Sniff.

And please please please vote for us on podcast alley

Last but not least, Idol Chatter is finally back!! YAAAAY!

And now, just for funsies, check out these Tyra dolls:

Tyra, circa 1990:

And the Tyra of today:
Thanks to the awesomely gorgeous Rachael for the links!

And here's the video we were talking about during the hate shoutouts:

xoxo,
Aaron Beep, Amy Beep, Javier Beep, Max Beep, and Scotty BEEEEEP!!!

Twiggy, Twiggles, Twiggums

2007-03-08T16:41:00.000-06:00

Did one of you guys do this?
I sure hope so. If you did, I'd be so proud of you.
By the way, I did an image search of Twiggy, and this picture popped up:

Just wanted to share.

BTW, here's an audio interview with Kathleen. I know, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?

Tyra Hates the Soundbite Potential

2007-03-06T08:27:00.000-06:00

Welcome back to yet another cycle of America's Next Top Model. Back for another season of vagina arms, bitch's classing, the awesome gayness (or gay awesomeness) that is the Jays and the dashing (or smarmy) Nigel. Since the CW (formerly UPN) always releases the final thirteen girls before the pre-show, I won't even bother fully recapping it. Vying to be the next big thing in modeling since CariDee include a chatty Cathy, a pink tutu, a Russian mail order bride, a repossessed weave, two plus-sized girls, a human canvas, and a subdued (well, subdued for her) Jaslene. Girls meet, girls bitch, bitches get sent home. Of these, the blabbermouth (Dionne), the tutu (Jael), the Ruskie (Natasha), the big girls (Diana and Whitney), and the Jaslene (Jaslene) make it to the Top Model house with their newest best friends, or worst enemies. The House this season is based on the History of Top Model. In addition to the ubiquitous Tyra shots, the house is decorated based on the previous winners. I'm sure the Yoanna room has a barf bag and toilette, the Eva room has some L Word dvds and flannel, and the Naima room has massive amounts of ennui. No word if she-who-must not-be-named has a room. Since it's still the first week, the only stand out personalities (i.e. girls I already hate) are Sarah, who is more Melrose than Melrose, and Renee, the 20 year old two faced bitch who won't shut up about the infant she loves so much yet abandoned to be on a reality show on the CW. Did I mention she was a bitch? The first challenge brings the girls to a local Goodwill that involves a patented ANTM three minute challenge to pull an outfit out of thin air. As Kathleen observes, they are dealing other people's crap. Not literally. I have to give the girl props for the correct use of the word "literally." (“i.e., me.” – Amy) Even some of my college educated friends manage to misuse that word, literally. After the frenzy, the girls have to strut their outfits down a runway for an auction with an audience consisting of a few old people, a couple of gays, and one recurring guest star on Gilmore Girls (synergy). The girl whose outfit gets the "highest" bid wins. The "big" winner is Jael whose "prize" is getting the sign the $286.50 check. That's a lame turnout, ladies. Fuck, Ms. Jay's foundation probably cost more that that.

Sigh.

Jael's victory must have tuckered the poor girl out because she's sick as we go to this week’s photoshoot. Not one to shy away from controversy, this first photo shoot is based on opposite beliefs. Thanks Top Model, for characterizing these polarizing political times with a photo-shoot done by Nigel and his boner. Still too many girls to write about individually, but let’s just say the overall consensus is "meh." Apparently, hula-hoops have restorative abilities in Jael's mind. (I get the feeling that "in Jael's mind" will be a phase I use a lot this cycle) Panel. Judges. The Twigster. Prizes. Tyra in a bandanna. This week's photos aren't great. They’re not bad, but most of them are not good. Jaslene (executionix) and Britney (pro Anna Wintour) do pretty well. Felicia (Baby Ty Ty) also does pretty will with her traditional marriage shot. Samantha (gay marriage) gets raves, but she is already being fingered with the dreaded pretty but boring tag. She's like a prettier version of Meggg. In the middle are the hefties, Whitney (pro Ellen and Portia) and Diana (pro Lara Croft:Tomb Raider) Disappointing this week are Sarah (life in prison) and Rene (anti-gun). Jael apparently doesn't want to do well because she wants people to like her. In Jael's mind (see?), people love losers. Best moment of the entire episode: Kathleen's lame anti-fur photo leads to her hilarious theory of where fur coats should come from.

(Awww. Simba sad.)

So the first bottom two are Jael and Kathleen. Even though neither of these girls are going to be joining MENSA anytime soon, they both seem nice and are pretty entertaining to watch. Jael is given another chance and Kathleen is sent back to Crooklyn. She actually seems pretty cool about it and is grateful that Tyra thinks she has potential. Jeez, I would have kept her around for a few weeks just for her bromides and observations. Next week: Sarah flashes some little boys her little boy boobies and Jaslene has meltdown numero uno!

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Click here to listen to our eighteenth episode
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Titbits:

Aaron made a cool new site for his job...like tv guide, but better. Here it is, COUCHVILLE!

Don't forget to visit our forum (hosted by The Planet podcast)! It's been getting old and rusty since the end of cycle 7, but I hope to start it again for cycle 8.

Some NSFW pictures of Jael here. (Thanks, Becky!)

Check out this exciting new blog by a fellow listener!

Picture of one of our fan's sister:

If you sent me something to post and I didn't post it, please email it again to antpodcast@gmail.com

And Now...the Hate Shout-Outs!

2007-02-26T21:19:00.000-06:00

Wooo! Let the hate begin!

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Click here to listen to our seventeenth episode
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Oh, and speaking of hate, here it is in orange form:

Thanks to the amazing fourfour again for this photo. Yes, I freely steal from them because I can never be nearly as funny.

Cycle 8 Anticipation Episode

2007-02-26T17:45:00.000-06:00

Yaaaay we're almost there! May ferocious cycle 8 began!
Or the anticipation of, anyway.

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Click here to listen to our sixteenth episode
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And stay tuned for episode 17 - hate shout outs, coming soon.
Here are the model's pictures so you can follow along. Thanks to fourfour for the close up shots!

Cassandra, 24, Former beauty consultant

Brittany, 21, Bartender

Dionne, 20, Student

Samantha, 19, Sales associate

Whitney, 21, Student

Felicia, 19, Sales associate

Jaslene, 20, Admissions advisor

Kathleen, 20, Hair stylist

Natasha, 21, Stay-at-home mom

Jael, 22, Bartender/Band manager and promoter

Sarah, 20, Photographer

Diana, 21, Student/bookstore employee

Renee, 20, Stay-at-home mom

Leslie Hall! / SEND US YOUR HATE SHOUTOUTS!

2007-02-19T19:36:00.000-06:00

Hi Y'all!

If anyone is in the Houston area April 28th, join us at the Proletariat for Leslie and the LYs. If you have any doubts on how awesome this concert is going to be, just watch the video below:

In other important news, our next episode is going to be an anticipation ANTM/hate shout out episode! If you have any hate at all, please send them our way via antpodcast@gmail.com, or call and leave a voicemail at 206-350-TYRA (8972) Don't worry, no one will pick up, it's just a message service. We really hope to receive enough hate mail (hopefully not towards us, but towards your frenemies/enemies and other innocent victims) to make an episode out of it, so please don't disappoint us. Even if you're not hatin' on anyone currently, send us something snarky. If you need some inspiration, just google Tyra Banks.

Hating in a loving way, and loving in a hating way,
Amy

Thanks to A.J. for the video!

Mama Ty Ty's glory days

2007-02-16T13:59:00.000-06:00

I must admit, this shit's funny.

Thanks to our good friend Liang for showing us this clip!

Wooo...Ahhh...Sigh.

2007-02-06T23:15:00.000-06:00

Well, most of you have probably already seen and examined all the girls of cycle 8 for days now, but I thought I'd post the link for those who haven't. I also wanted a place on this blog to chat about the new girls! I am mostly excited about Jaslene, who made it to the top 20 (or something) models but didn't make the final 13 cut. She was our muse for the Chi Chi Rodriguez "Everyday is a fruit carrying opportunity" brilliance, and she is BACK!

You can now apply for cycle 9! If you apply, you have to let us know so that we can keep an eye out for you next cycle.

Some thoughts:

1. Renee is effing hot, but she is a stay at home mom which might be bad (remember season one's what's her face who refused to do the first photoshoot? Also Noel with her constant ranting about her son? and Britney's retort: "You have a son. We get it. Next." Not to mention that she is wearing a cross, which reminds me of Monique's bible. Also, what the hell did they do to her hair in the group picture?!
2. Can anyone tell if Jael is Asian? I really can't. And this is the fifth time I've looked at her picture. (update: I just looked at her again, and I'm 90% sure she's not Asian, and 10% sure she is a spawn of Jade and Lance Bass)
Lastly, for no particular reason, mama Ty Ty:

New Episode!

2007-02-01T17:47:00.000-06:00

Two nights ago, Scotty came over to my house to use our podcast equipment to do a phone interview for a school project. Like a professional podcast pusher, I gently plugged in the mic, along with the double ended dildo, and pursuaded him to do a podcast with me. I know, I know, I am soooo sly. Anyway, enjoy!

Here are the promised pictures of hot Harry Potter and his beastiality tendencies. Oh! And also a video of Tyra shouting Tiffany style (as in when she yelled "I was rooting for you! We were ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!" or whatever) at the camera.

xoxo,
Amy

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Click here to listen to our fifteenth episode
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Jes!!

2007-01-27T14:45:00.000-06:00

Here is something that can keep you occupied until Feb 21st or 28th or whenever antm is starting again:
Thanks to fourfour for the link!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-26T00:06:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe Melrose is even possibly maybe dating Jeremy Piven!!!
Sigh.
Here's the link for anyone who would like to watch their own heart bleed. And then die.

Right. Anyhoo, we'll try to get a new episode together soon, but seeing that I've been saying that for three weeks now and none of us can seem to get our act together, I'm not going to make any promises. Good news is the ANTM starts again Feb 28th! Just think, dear friends, only less than one month away!
I miss you guys.
Amy
p.s. Thanks to Genoa for the link!!

Buddy TV Brooke Interview

2007-01-18T18:32:00.000-06:00

Well, I must say this Buddy TV interview isn't QUITE as exciting as ours was, but check out this interview with Brooke anyway...
FIERCE!!

Ah...at last.

2007-01-11T15:20:00.000-06:00

Yes, ladies and gentlewomen. We finally got a Wii today. And I, Amy, have officially entered Scientific Nerdom, thanks to a one way pass from Aaron.
As snaps to myself, I have decided to share my all time Youtube video so far. (Thanks kiki for the link! you're the best!)

xoxo,
Amy

p.s. Cuz Matlock was a queer.
p.p.s. I found an awesome podcast a couple of days ago called Gothdie and Chemo. They are two hilarious British hotties that must be listened to so go check them out now!

I said now. Alright, you can watch the video first.

Things to do Between Cycles of ANTM

2007-01-06T03:15:00.000-06:00

When Javier came to visit Aaron and I last weekend for New Years, we started thinking of things to do between cycles 7 and 8 of America's Next Top Model. Basically our list consists of a copy of TV guide, with a letter attached that read:

Dear Aaron, Amy, and Javier,

Don't forget to buy a Wii, apply to grad schools, and finish grad school after you watch all your TV.

Love,
Aaron, Amy, and Javier
p.s. don't forget to watch TV.

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Click here to listen to our fourteenth episode
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Leave us a voicemail at 1-206-350-TYRA (8972) or email us at antpodcast@gmail.com, and let us know what you're doing in between cycles of ANTM!! If it's good, we'll talk about it in the next episode.
Please vote for us on Podcast Alley! Thus far, we have 15 votes. Guys, that is pathetic. If you have even the smallest drop of love for us, you'd vote for us. We'll love you forever. Promise.
Also, please leave us reviews on iTunes so we can make it to the top 100 podcasts.
Alright, that's enough groveling for today.
Click here for a great interview with Eugena (Thanks anonymous commentor!)

Here is my latest obsession: Masi Oka. He plays Hiro on NBC's Heroes. Anyone who knows me knows that I have an unfounded hatred for Asian guys in my generation. Don't ask, long story. So for me to like Masi Oka and James Kyson Lee (who plays Ando) is huge. I guess I don't really find them attractive, just hands down ADORABLE. And oh yeah, Milo Ventimiglia and Adrian Pasdar are hot. God what is it about this show that turns any male into a hunk?! Jess was such an ass in Gilmore Girls (that is until Logan appeared. But I digress.)

Recap Episode: Best of ANTPodcast, Episodes 1 through 6

2006-12-29T20:05:00.000-06:00

Due to holiday boredom, lack of microphones and co-hosts, I decided to pick out the funniest clips from this cycle's episodes 1 through 6. I know, this isn't as good as a brand new episode, but it's the best I can do being stuck in New Jersey with no recording equipment or witty cohosts. We miss you guys, and we'll be back soon with a new episode soon. In the meantime, enjoy the clip episode along with a brand new theme song!

More importantly, Aaron (Jan. 1st) and Scotty's (Dec. 30th) birthdays are coming up really really soon. It would be so awesome if everyone can please either call our number or send birthday wishes via email! Yaaaay birthdays!

An now, your to do list for the coming weeks:
Please vote for us on Podcast Alley!
Also, please leave us reviews on iTunes so we can make it to the top 100 podcasts.

Thanks to the Hazzards for their song, Gay Boyfriend.
Check out BuddyTV for a great interview with Caridee.

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Listen to our thirteenth episode
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Hope everyone have a wild and fun New Years eve!

xoxo, Amy

p.s. Here is some eye candy for everyone: Katherine Moennig (right), aka Shane, with Carmen, aka Sarah Shahi (left), from the L word. Premiering Jan. 7th on Showtime (or eMule for those of us without cable!)

Post Season Magnets

2006-12-22T01:41:00.000-06:00

Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!

Tyra Hates Proactive Solution and the "Issa" but Loves Psoriasis Success Stories!

2006-12-19T18:11:00.000-06:00

Finale time (Okay it was a few weeks ago, but it was finals period.) Who will be America's Next Top Model? Melrose, no "Issa"; CariDee or Caridee; or Eugen(i)a? Compared to the last few cycles, this is a pretty weak final three. I was so more willing to buy into Jade's bag of bullshit. And Joanie and Dani(elle) could model circles around Eugena and Caridee. But, we write these show notes with the final three we were given. One of the things that Top Model gets right is the streamlined finale: commercial, photo shoot, elimination, runway, final decision. We cut right to the chase with the commercial shoot. No one royally screws up, i.e. no one needs cue cards or hilariously ad-libs lines as she goes along. We are lead to believe that Melrose has a mid freak out, but she manages to get through. Apparently, that's what happens when you have OCD. The commercial itself is full of false enthusiasm, with the "dancing," and "laughing," and merriment. The judges seem to like the commercial, but its utter shite compared to the professionally done commercials that air between segments. You'll never hear Queen Latifa utter the word "feasta." The judges love Caridee's photo. I think they describe it as "soft" or "approachable" or whatever. Melrose's photo gets criticism for her stiff mouth. Eugena takes what is probably her best photo of the entire competition. Her picture is so touched up that she was practically rotoscoped into A Scanner Darkly. Even though this was her strongest week, it was not enough to make it to the final two. Eugena is eliminated, leaving the two blonds to battle it out on the runway. While Caridee and Eugenia embrace, Melrose tries to get in on the hug. You have to watch it to see how funny the hug really is. I think Melrose and Caridee are the perfect pair for what transpires at the final runway challenge, which is basically an extension to the gesticulate assily contest. The theme is ghost brides and the models have to make three passes. On the second pass, the girls have to give a stare down when the cross each other. On the final pass, the girls have to run like they're insane or something. The blonds are the only two models desperate, eager, or stupid enough to make themselves look like idiots in front of the judges, the four people in the audience, and the thousands of people who actually watch this show.

Before the show begins, Tyra makes an appearance to give the girls some encouragement and show off her Destinos level Spanish training. I'm surprised she didn't ask the flower girls (Yes, there were flower girls) if they knew where La Gavia was or what job did Raquel Rodriguez have.

The major drama happened during the Melrose and Caridee stare down. Caridee stepped on Melrose's train and ripped her dress. Melrose started freaking out like it's her fault or something. It looked accidental and if anyone should be pissed, it's the designer whose dress was ruined. Ms. Jay takes off during the middle of the show, not because she is concerned for Melrose's sake, but to shriek like a banshee down the runway right before the final pass. It's not really scary, but it gives the four people in the audience a good chuckle.

Despite her minor meltdown, Melrose wins the runway challenge. It's not enough to win the entire shebang though because Caridee is crowned the winner. It's so obvious who was going to win, even Helen Keller could have fucking seen it.

In her final interview, Melrose appears truly sad and the newly elected mayor of Bum City. I did feel a tinge of pity when she mentioned that she was called a "bitch." Maybe she should have thought of that when she was bossing everyone around or gloating about her victories.

Caridee's victory is a victory for all us girls who were teased for having a horrible skin disease. Her victory is a victory for all of us who want to don elephant noses and parasols. Her victory is a victory for us gals who want to straddle counters and cheat on our boyfriends in Spain.

This concludes this cycle of Top Model. Bring on America's Next Top 7th Heaven.

Au revoir, bitches!
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Listen to our finale episode
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So, I was surfing on the web for a cool picture of Caridee, and this is what Google image found:

Ironically, this bitch won too!

Anyhoo, guys, sorry for the huge delay. We promise to never make you guys wait so long again! Umm except for the Christmas break...and maybe between the cycles. I don't know, the boys are so flakey (see last ten minutes of episode.)

Please don't forget to vote for us on Podcast Alley!

Also, please leave us reviews on iTunes so we can make it to the top 100 podcasts.

Want to be cool like Lizz, anonymous girl, or Leila? Leave us a voicemail at 1-206-350-TYRA (8972)

Thanks to everyone who listened to us this year! And a very special thanks to Javier for his awesomely hilarious shownotes every week.

We never could have imagined anyone listening to us ramble, much less liking it. You guys are totally fierce.

Happy Holidays, everyone! See you next year.

love,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Poll Time!

2006-12-16T19:50:00.002-06:00

Spoiler Alert: Janice Dickinson is Wacky

2006-12-14T15:17:00.002-06:00

People reports that the world's oldest living supermodel was the victim of a hit-n-run.

Supermodel Janice Dickinson suffered a concussion after she was involved in a hit-and-run accident late last night in Los Angeles, her rep tells PEOPLE.
Dickinson, 51, was traveling in her SUV after a modeling shoot in Catalina when a truck driver ran into her vehicle, pushing it onto the highway's median and throwing Dickinson headfirst into her windshield. She suffered a concussion and her stylist and makeup artist who were also onboard were "unharmed but shaken," her rep said in a statement.

The three were treated at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and released this morning."

Wow she's only 51? The Goddess looks so much older.

In other news, we wanted to apologize for the huge delay of the cycle finale episode of our podcast. Life happens and things get in the way, but we are definitely for sho podcasting this Saturday, come hell or high water. I know I told some of you we were going to record yesterday, but a squirrel the size of a blimp attacked our house and his possum friends ate the microphones. Ok, something came up and we were unable to record. But check back Monday and the episode will be up for shizzle dizzle!!

Begging and groveling for love at your feet,
Aaron, Amy, Max, and Scotty

"You can see her thoughts, and her thoughts said, ' . . . ' " - Television Without Pity

2006-12-11T10:37:00.001-06:00

Oh, Naima.

Caridee: No shit. You were really once America's Next Top Model?
Naima: Yes, yes! (laughs) I swear!

Caridee is looking dreamy as usual.

Check out the past winners here in a spread for Jewel magazine.
Thanks to Evicious for the tip!

Life outside of America's Next Top Model

2006-12-09T18:13:00.000-06:00

Monique in the Snoop video

Megg looking like Kiera Knightly

Megg again

Anchal holding the face of Natalia Vodianova

Megan

The twins' contact card from L.A. models

Thanks to A.J. (not bird lady, sorry) for the images!

New episode should be up mid week next week. Sorry for the delay! Amy has to take the GRE on Monday, and Scotty has been out of town.

In the meantime, don't forget to vote for us on Podcast Alley!

Also, please leave us reviews on iTunes so we can make it to the top 100 podcasts.

Be sure to watch Top Model: British Invasion because we are going to podcast about it next week!

Thanks you guys!

xoxo,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Ladies of Reality - VH1's Big in '06 Awards

2006-12-07T13:36:00.000-06:00

In case anyone missed it, here is a clip of some of the Top Model girls on VH1's Big in '06 Awards. about a minute and a half into it, you will see Joanie, Furonda, and our girl Brooke, along with Jaeda and AJ. towards the end is Ms. J looking fabulous as always.

Our next episode (after the finale) is going to be on Top Model: British Invasion so make sure to watch it!

Side note: Please vote for us on Podcast Alley! We are trying to squash that Mugglecast.
Also, don't forget to leave us reviews on iTunes so we can make it to the top 100 podcasts. If we get enough new reviews, Amy will finally share her chicken McNugget fantasy on the next episode!

xoxo,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Tyra Hates the Gangly One

2006-12-04T00:29:00.002-06:00

So things are winding down, both in ANTM land and this semester so this going to be pretty short. Amanda reads the letter from Michelle and everyone comments on how sweet it is. Caridee invites Amanda to cuddle, launching a whole new series of fanfic for the two people who care about shit like that. Oh, and everyone hates Melrose.

The girls learn how to flamenco from some non-English speaking hobbit. The girls have to perform with a partner which is funny because Amanda essentially picks the Spanish male version of herself. Looks like someone is missing her twin. It's a dance challenge where Eugena, Caridee and Amanda do well. Melrose (dressed like the hostess at Ninfas) tumbles are little and it goes to her little head. Eugena wins and picks Amanda to share her prize: jackets.

Everyone still hates Melrose.

The photo shoot involves posing in water with a partner, which is something at this show has not done in a while. It's cold and Caridee almost dies. She pushed herself to the limit and gets lectured to for not letting them know she was about to become a Carideesicle. Amanda finally showed some initiative and took some more shots.

Panel! Everyone's shots are actually pretty good. Apparently, Melrose can do no wrong. Eugena got her groove back. Caridee is striking if a bit of a drama queen. Amanda has odd elbows.

Since no one out-right sucks this week, its all about potential. Melrose is too eager but is safe. Eugena has no soul but is safe. Caridee is a handful, but is safe. Amanda has a unique face (in spite of having an identical twin sister) but does not know how to model as well as the other girls. Amanda is reunited with her sister, at least twin haters (like Aaron) have to admit, that girl went out fighting. Plus, she has a great new coat to wear around Anaheim

Next week: Season finale! One has to wonder if Caridee wins outight or if Eugena gives her a run for her money. And everyone still hates Melrose.

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Again, sorry for the long episode! We promise to not be so rambling next time.

Here is Eugena looking like Alien Poupee from Toy Story:

The Magnets are back!

2006-12-02T17:23:00.000-06:00

Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!

Freaky Almost Friday

2006-11-30T15:22:00.000-06:00

Looks like someone's taking fashion cues from Melrose. Goddamn berets.

Caridee's scary wrinkles (thanks smallchav!)

Tyra Hates the Dykey One

2006-11-28T15:26:00.000-06:00

We pick things back up in Spain. The girls are looking for some fun in Barcelona, so they decide to call the only English speaking model to bring some friends over to wine and dine the ladies. In an act of international rudeness, homeboy does not bring a chica for Michelle. Ah well, as she has mentioned eighty times before, she is not too sure of what she is. Apparently, Caridee knows what she wants and makes out with some dude in spite of having a boyfriend. Anyone looking for a repeat of Shandi and boyfriend like meltdown from cycle 2 is sorely disappointed. Either she is in an open relationship, just doesn't give a shit, or we end this scene with her saying goodnight to her Spanish paramour.

Tyra puts on her motivational speaker weave and decides to give the remaining girls a pep talk. She tells the girls that ANTM is a learning experience and hopes that these girls make big. Look how successful Adrienne, Yoanna, Eva, Naima Nicole, and Dani(elle) are; they are setting the model/actress world on fire. Tyra assures the girls that she sacrifice herself for these girls. Hmmm, just ask (the never ever mentioned on ANTM again) Adrienne Knight Brady how that worked out.

It's Go See Week! Last cycle set the bar pretty high by combining gift giving, giant animal heads, traffic jams, rickshaws, and culminating with every model being disqualified. This year the girls are given maps and sent on their ways. The twins pair off, as do Caridee and Eugena. This leaves Melrose all by her lonesome which she is perfectly fine with. (Dear Melrose: Sweetie, it's not considered a strategy if no one wants to play with you.) The twins get lost almost immediately and are ultimately disqualified. Eugena and Caridee seem to do well. It is Melrose who manages to go see the most designers and wins the challenge. Her prize is totally lame. A homemade dinner does not compare to the racks of clothing that are usually offered.

All week I have been anticipating the alleged spat between Caridee and Nigel at this week's photo shoot. The girls are going to be shot as matadors in an authentic bull ring, with a live bull and a pole. While standing around, Caridee sarcastically asks Nigel if he pulled the pole out of his ass from the last panel. Nigel gets pissed. The girls (and the viewers) are forced to endure a lecture from Mr. Jay (who looks ridiculous in his baby blue matador's outfit)

Tyra No Le Gusta El Partido Del Lloro

2006-11-25T16:04:00.000-06:00

Tyzilla!!! (and co.)

Last time, Anchal was sent to the Celebrity Fit Club. The newly cholesterol free house allows the girls to let their hair down and confess secrets in the ubiquitous hot tub. We learn Michelle has not kissed a boy since she was ten and she does not know what she wants to be, i.e. model or non-model. Which we all know is code for l.u.g. or sapphic sister. We also find out that both Jaeda and Caridee have boyfriends. Gee, I wonder if there is anything else about Caridee that we didn't know. Hmmm.

This week is all about acting or on this show: "acting." Of course, we are treated to a montage of Tyra's previous attempts at "acting." I guess they could not get the rights to use her stint on Fresh Prince or her pivotal role as victim #8 on Halloween: Resurrection. Things go from painful to creepy pretty quickly. One exercise has the girls spilling their guts (or taking a dump as the exercise is called) about their secret fears or whatever. Melrose' turn was bad enough (even though the other girls' gape-mouthed faces are a treat to behold). But it's when Caridee blurts out that she once attempted suicide when the fun really ends. While tragic, it's always uncomfortable when shit like this happens. I also wonder why Michelle is the only one who comforts her.

After Caridee returns, the girls participate in this week's challenge. They have to use their new found "acting" skills to make an old timey silent movie. (Apparently, someone from the present informed someone in the past how we would feel about Melrose. Thanks, Hiro.) The girls "act." Some suck. Some don't. There's a bestiality reference. Caridee wins. Her prize is a guest role on One Tree Hill (Wednesdays at 9PM on the CW) which is a colossal step down from Veronica Mars. Unlike the rest of the crap on the CW, Veronica Mars is actually good. I also saw part of Caridee's acting debut and she looked a lot like a swap-meet version of Rebecca Romijn. I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

On this week's "My Life as a Cover Girl," some asshole script writer makes Dani(elle) say Lash Exact three times really fast.

If you are one of the few brain trusts who did not guess this cycle's destination, the answer is Barcelona, the fashion capital of … um … Spain . As the girls disembark from their poorly CGI'ed plane, they discover that the next shoot will involve unattractive male models who each bestow cheap souvenirs upon the girls. At dinner, we learn that Jaeda's partner is not into the swirl, which really irks her. As if the girl needed any more problems. He wasn't that hot to begin with. Tyra's advice is to make him love black girls because Mama Tyra always says: "Once you go black…"

This week is the Secret Deodorant commercial. This year's twist is that the commercial is in Catalan and that the girls have to kiss the models. Michelle and Jaeda predictably wig out since they seemed so turned off by boys and racism. Hijinks and language butchery ensue.

Like last week's lame ass space photo, there is no middle ground. The girls are either good (Melrose and Eugena!) or horrendous (Amanda, Michelle, Jaeda, and Caridee) The judges let the losers have it, especially Caridee, which I think is total bullshit, since they also shot the commercial in English and all the girls seemed fine then. During panel, Melrose informs the judges that she stayed up two extra hours studying her lines. This pisses off Eugena and Amanda enough to call her out on it while the judges deliberate. In defense of Melrose (which is rare) it did not seem as malicious as the girls make it out to be. It's actually pretty much expected from her at this point. (Plus, she totally gets brownie points this week for trying to cheer up Jaeda.) Melrose skulks off and the viewers are left to wonder what really happened because this narrative thread is dropped. Thanks, new editors.

Six beautiful girls stand before the panel. Melrose and Eugena get their shots first. Tyra and company are just as surprised as we are by a suddenly resurgent Eugena. Amanda and Michelle polarize the judges, but they are both safe. I totally thought Michelle would be in the bottom two again, since she was getting the loser edit. This week's bottom two are Jaeda and Caridee. At this point, we all know that Jaeda is going home because not even Tyrant is cruel enough to dump a formerly suicidal front runner.

Jaeda is finally put out to stud where she can grow back her mane and frolic with the football team like she used to. I know that Jaeda was edited to be kinda whiny about her hair cut, but according to Brooke (who is totally awesome for allowing herself to be interviewed and agreeing to be my new BFF,) Jaeda was awesome and funny. As evidenced by the CoverGirl of the Week spot, Jaeda can be quite a looker with long hair and smokey eye makeup.

Next week: The fun continues with a sweet looking matador shoot, and Caridee gives the photographer some lip. Good thing she's got enough to spare.

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In spirit of Thanksgiving, I would like to give big hugs and kisses to Javier, Max, and Scotty for agreeing to my whims and giving their very precious time to this silly podcast. I would also like to give extra special smoochie booches to my sweetie Aaron who, even though he was so tired this week, did this episode with me because I was so excited about it, and didn't even punch me even though I stole his special shout-out. (Sorry baby!!)

And of course, a huge thanks to every single one of you guys who've emailed, left comments, put a pin in our frappr map, or simply listened to our ramble. Special thanks to Rachael and Sarah from Seattle for leaving us voicemails. We really really appreciate each and one of you and...now this is getting cheesy...or shall we say "melrose"?!?!? Anyway you get what I mean.

Love you guys!

Amy

Gobble gobble!

2006-11-22T17:04:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

(Thanks for the Link, Jenna!)

An Interview with Brooke, y'all!!

2006-11-18T20:14:00.000-06:00

Hi Everyone,
This week, we were lucky enough to have a phone interview with Brooke. Yes, Brooke, from ANTM! She was cute, sweet, nice, and just bitchy enough for us to love her and ask her to be our BFF. Honestly, it was just plain awesome and she spilled the beans like no one's business. Considering our expectation was some sort of stilted interview with a 50 year-old pervert doing his best falsetto, we were blown away. She's our new pick to win. And we don't care that's she's not on the show any more. Or that she's not even in Spain. In fact, reality has nothing to do with feelings on how cool Brooke is or that she should win. And we're dangerously unstable enough to make it happen.
All joking aside, even if you hate our podcast, us in particular, and spend all your waking moments plotting our downfall (psycho) this interview is pretty interesting and well worth a look-see...or a listen-hear....or whatever.

Listen to our interview with Brooke

Side note: We know the sound quality is terrible. I mean, terrible, because we don't have the money to buy a phone recording program. Sad face. Anyway maybe we'll set up a donation fund so when we interview Janice Dickinson it won't be so crappy. Yay!

Side side note: Does anyone have Janice Dickinson's email?

Side side side note: This week's episode may or may not happen, depending on if Scotty's too tired from his trip when he gets back. So hopefully this interview will be an amuse bouche (Top Chef, anyone?) until next week.

Because this poll affects the actual results

2006-11-16T11:01:00.000-06:00

Woooo magnets

2006-11-14T00:50:00.000-06:00

Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!

Tyra hates the Hindu Goddess of Self Fulfilling Prophecies

2006-11-12T17:10:00.000-06:00

This action packed episode is full of, well, action. The girls return home after the aftermath of Brooke's departure, which of course is the indicative of how sweet that girl truly was. I miss her already. Based on my psychic powers of deduction, I can tell that Michelle and Anchal are going to be in the bottom two before the first commercial break. I am not too sure what's more annoying: Anchal's constant bitching about her weight or Melrose bitching about Anchal's bitching about her weight. Actually, its not that hard, since anything Melrose does is more annoying than Eugena, Anchal, Jaeda, Jade, Megg, Bre, A.J., Lisa, Gina, and Jayla all performing an a capella version of Vitamin C's Graduation Song.

This week's first celebrity guest is Gabrielle Reece, whom both Jaeda and Michelle instantly get hard-on's for (but for different reasons.) She instructs the girls on how to take good pictures while in motion. Anchal seems pretty lackadaisical about the entire thing (foreshadowing.) Caridee throws herself right into it, quite literally (more foreshadowing.)

This week's first challenge is about more action and you can't have action without NASCAR. The scenario is that some race car driver wants his model girlfriend to give up modeling and in an impassioned rage the model girlfriend rushes the boyfriend and impales him with a heel or checkered flag or one of the twins' clavicles. Once again, Anchal does a half ass job (insert your own inertia joke here.) Michelle wins this one and gets to pick three girls to share her prize. Being the closet racist that she is, Michelle selects Caridee, Amanda, and Melrose while Jaeda, Eugena and Anchal are left prizeless. Soon Michelle gets to eat crow (not A.J) because her victory come with a twist. The "winners" get a shopping spree challenge and the girl who gets the most crap actually gets to keep everything the other girls nabbed as well. Melrose wins this one, again. Instead of actually being gracious and sharing the spoils of her inexplicable good fortune, Melrose keeps it to herself and just gloats that all the other girls must hate her. What an ass.

This week's photo shoot involves the girls going to a skydiving training facility to pimp Cover Girl's latest make-up. The girls will be photoshopped onto a NASA wallpaper to simulate astronauts reaching out for the perfect makeup, or something. The results end up looking like fierce cover of an Orson Scott Card novel (or for the less nerdy, your eight grade science book cover.) This week's photos are a very mixed bag. Caridee, Melrose, Amanda, and Anchal take decent shots. Jaeda, Eugena, and Amanda's shots pretty much suck. You would think that would be enough to get rid of Jaeda or Eugena, but wait, there's more…

(Sorry Javi, I had to insert this series of Jaeda looking like a chipmonk. It was too heesterico to pass up.)

At panel, Tyra gives us a grammar lesson and makes the girls act out a combination of a verb and an adverb. No matter what words come out, they all equal "gesticulate assily." Caridee and Melrose go balls to the wall with hiding and boxing, each with hilarious results. Anchal and Michelle get pretty self-conscious and don't really do much. As a result, they are this week's bottom two. After much pontification, Tyra pulls Michelle's picture and sends Anchal on her way. Despite Anchal's declaration of having no friends, Caridee seems pretty upset to see her go. Upon her exit, Anchal awesomely tells Melrose "I still hate you" and then less awesomely follows with "I'm kidding, you're awesome."

She thanks Tyra for the opportunity and rationalizes that it was her self-doubt that did her in. Personally, I find Anchal pretty likable, maybe even classy, in her final. She is so much prettier when she's not complaining about her friendlessness, or her weight, or her looks. Tyra was right to tell her that if she doesn't think she is beautiful, the judges won't either. In Tyraland, skinny, delusional she-beasts who want "it" always win out over voluptuous victims of self-consciousness.

Next week: The promos cut off before we learn where this cycle's excursion is. But because Trya runs out looking like an extra from Zorro, we can guess that it's either Mexico or Spain. My dinero is on Spain.

Listen to our eighth episode

Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 206-350-TYRA (8972) or click on our odeo link.

Also, check out idolchatter.org

My wish sort of came true!

2006-11-12T01:08:00.000-06:00

A listener informed me that Santa came early this year (Ew, not like that! get your minds out of the gutter):

GNTM episode 2 (3/3): elimination

Heidi Klum is the host for Germany's Next Top Model!
Maybe for Christmas she'll take out Tyra! Best pressie ever.

xoxo,
Amy

p.s. They must have even less money than ANTM. The set is terrible. It looks like one of those hotels you go to for a convention. And at one point, you can see one of the camera men. hmmph.

Tyra hates Impersonators, Lipstick Lesbians, Blacula, Rock n' Roll, HPV, and Texans (Redux)

2006-11-07T14:59:00.000-06:00

Perhaps the new writers Tyra and Co. used to replace the striking writers are, themselves, on strike this week because we are "treated" to a clip episode. If you have been following along (and you hate to admit that you do), you pretty much know what's been going on.

The real stars of this episode are Monique and her disorder. We are treated to never-before-seen instances featuring Monique earning the title "Crazy-ass bitch." It's actually freaky how pathologically calm she appears thoughout much of this episode. When she discovers that one of the twins ate all her Doritos, she decided to destroy everyone else's chips in retaliation. Umm, yeah. This leads to a shouting match between her and Amanda. Silver lining: Straightwin looks freakin' hot when she's pissed. The second is more footage of Melrose/Monique spat. We are treated to Monique repeating everything Melrose says while both of them try to cook in the kitchen. Bitch, most people can't stand when Melrose speaks the first time. Silver lining: "Is this my taco seasoning?"

Speaking of Melrose, much of the episode is devoted to her winning almost every competition and generally being a nuisance to everyone else. Part of it might be jealousy and part of it can be that Melrose is an annoying know-it-all. Surprisingly, Anchal and Megg are the two who call her out on it. To which, Melrose responds with the standard "I treat people the way they treat me" blather that no one really buys. I'm surprised that she didn't follow it with "I'm not here to make friends" and "It's not American's Next Top Best Friend."

The other memorable scene happens in the beginning when the girls are forced to buy new clothes to replace their ugly ones. How those two queens let all those ugly ass berets escape incineration is a mystery to me. Melrose kinda wins this one again, since most of her clothes were spared. After ripping off the What Not to Wear trash can, the girls have to scramble to buy the essentials: black dress, mini skirt, giant purse, etc, in five minutes.

Oh, and Megg likes bongggos.

We go through each photo shoot, each challenge, blah, blah, blah, seven girls remain, but only one will get to be America's Next Top Modezzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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Listen to our seventh episode
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Side note:
Please leave us voicemails by either clicking on the Odeo link (see sidebar) or calling us at 206-350-8972. We won't pick up the phone, it is purely an answering service. So please please leave us voicemails!! We're dying to hear your voices.

Sorry this episode is so late!!

xoxo,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Hold your breath!

2006-11-06T19:26:00.000-06:00

I swear, episode seven will be up soon.

We recorded yesterday, so it should be up by tomorrow. Hopefully. And then we will record again later this week so you guys will have TWO episodes this week!! It'll be like Christmas where desire is filled with lust and lust is filled with fulfillment.

Also, please check out idolchatter.org. They are one of the best reality tv podcasts out there. They cover just about every good reality show, and on episode 30, Jason and Derek (the hosts) even got an interview with Angela Kesslar!! Better yet, they actually mentioned us on their podcast, which made life so, so sweet. Derek sounds just like Nigel Barker. Sadly for me, Derek is gay. I think? Story of my life, no? In any case, this is how I imagine Derek to look:

And this is how I imagine he'd look after we've had our baby:

Well I can dream, can't I?

Check back tomorrow for the official episode 7!

Love,
Amy

A Wee Tease

2006-11-02T01:51:00.000-06:00

And no, I'm not talking about Masculinda's renting-to-own Coryn's she-nis. I'm talking about the fact that TV Guide Talk actually mentioned us.

Similar to tonight's episode, this clip is just a tucked in tease. We asked them to plug us, then proceeded to hyperventilate when they shockingly mentioned us for two minutes on their podcast. Nevertheless, it IS the actual TV-Guide-the-one-you-see-when-you're-standing-in-line-at-the
-grocery-store magazine.
So, no tough titties today! In fact, soft titties! Hoorah!

Click here to listen to the TV Guide clip

p.s. A word on this week's podcast. If you saw the post below you know we have returned to being douchebags since we missed the second half of this week's show. So, I, Amy, have valiantly tried to pursuade the boys to podcast despite not seeing the whole episode, and maybe doing a mid-season highlight/lowlight episode of our own (brilliantly suggested by one Mister Sister J.) Alas, my efforts have by silenced by dagger stares and loud sneers. So if you want another episode, you have to leave comments, threats, and ransom notes for the boys. A.k.a the party poopers. Love, as always, Amy.

HEEEELP. Stuck.

2006-11-01T22:14:00.002-06:00

Something so not rock n' roll has happened. Our TV fucked up so we missed the second half of "The Girls Who Made it This Far." If anyone can somehow stream this episode, or know where we can get this episode asap, or want to tell us in detail what happened in this episode, please let us know!
xoxo,
Fuckity McFucked's from Fuckerville

p.s. we feel majorly fucked. Fuck.
p.p.s. Pardon our French.

A.J. says leave us a voicemail!

2006-10-29T23:26:00.000-06:00

We have a new Odeo feature which enables listeners to leave us voice messages! Click on the bird icon on the sidebar, and we just might include it in our next episode. Heavy breathing is encouraged.
Speaking of birds, even though A.J. totally played up her badditude, anyone who can make up a clever name like Smell-rose has got spirit.

You can now also listen to our podcast through
Our Odeo Channel (odeo/f756b3980888f37a)

Flying away fiercely,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Tyra hates Texans!

2006-10-28T21:09:00.000-05:00

Lotsa "celebrities" this week.

This week opens with Eugena trashing talking the other girls and their issues (Bitch, that's our job). Brooke talks about her impending graduation and how she's missing it. Exactly how she graduated despite being on a reality show is a mystery to me. She gets a care package from her mother with a photocopy of her diploma and other assorted grad swag. Gee I wonder if that is going to be an important plot development. Anchal and Cardee bond (which was really sweet and I really liked both of them for much of this episode.) Jaeda still hates her haircut. She feels powerless since they chopped it off. Hmm, just like Samson.

This week, Tyra puts on her photographer's weave and takes black and white pictures of the girls trying to be angry and beautiful at the same time. Imagine Lisa's B&W from a few cycles back, add in Anchal's contact lenses, and multiply it by eight and its basically whatcha get.

The girls learn a lesson on sultriness from some drag queen and Mrs. Marilyn Manson. They have to be sexy with out being slutty in the form of a sultry dance. Brooke, Jaeda, Michelle, and Anchal seem a little reluctant about it. Did Bollywood teach Anchal nothing? All Indians dance when there's a camera on them.

The challenge involves the girls walking on a table for some dinner party hosted by the head of Elite Models. It's dumb, Melrose wins, and gets to be in Seventeen magazines with Brooke and the Twins. But at least we get to see some more of Atoosa.

This week's shoot involves romance novel covers. (Aside: My favorite trashy novel is one I bought at Walgreens called A Very Virile Viking. It involves a Viking, named Magnus Ericcson, who travels forward in time with his nine kids to sex up some Hollywood workaholic who inherits a vineyard. I shit you not). Brooke thinks that they will be posing with someone who is young, sexy, and hot. Instead, they get Fabio: model, actor, I Can't Believe Its Not Butter spokesman. Jaeda gets to be a bawdy tranny (sylvanian.)

Caridee (who is always straddling the counter every time they read Tyra mail) is a bawdy milkmaid. Melrose is a bawdy trollop. Anchal is a bawdy Cleopatra. Jay gets the twins confused and makes Amanda the bawdy lez and Michelle the bawdy baby mama. And the rest get to be bawdy something or others.

At panel, Amanda finally gets accolades from the judges and for the first time gets called before her sister. Melrose and Straddle-dee do well. Anchal and Jaeda take good shots, but still get called out for their esteem issues. Michelle takes a lackluster picture and blathers on that she was uncomfortable being so close to a penis. Tyra punishes her for her excuses and she gets called right before the bottom two: Eugena and Brooke.

Before Tyra stand two beautiful girls. One is a sweet, charming, bubbly ditz who can take strong to okay photos. The other is a temperamental witch with a horrible complexion and soulless eyes who takes an okay to weak photos and does not seem like she wants to be there. Who do you think gets to stay?

Ultimately, Brooke gets shipped to Texas. This was inevitable, but a bit premature in my opinion. Through her tears she says that it was ironic the she gets eliminated on her graduation day. Tyra's lesson du jour: Stay in school, kids. Hey, if she catches a redeye, she might make it to Colt Jensen's totally bitchin' kegger.
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Listen to our sixth episode
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Simba angry!!

To start off, this episode is a little long, sorry! Amy tried to cut it down but since she's not a professional, it's difficult to cut stuff out without making the episode sound choppy. So once again, tough titties.
Also, to preface the episode, we were a little drunk (ok Amy was drunk everyone else was buzzed) so the speech may be a little slurred...
oopsies.
Thank you to everyone who emailed, commented, frappr mapped, and myspaced us! We love you all!! Here are lots of sloppy kisses and diamonds and teddy bears from us!

xoxo,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Please help us decide

2006-10-25T22:16:00.000-05:00

Tyra Hates HPV!

2006-10-22T16:12:00.000-05:00

At last, what we've all been waiting for: Javier's shownotes!! Yaaaaay!!

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This episode should have been titled "The Girl with Ennui." Which girl, I am not too sure. It is as if Jaeda, Anchal, A.J. and sometimes Amanda decided to just phone it in this week. I think part of the reason Melrose does so well is because she is one of the few girls who actually wants to be there. She's just like the rest of the Tracy Enid Flicks of the world who sit in the front of the class, do all the readings, and raise their hands at every goddamn opportunity. I hate girls like that. So do the rest of the girls it seem. They pretty much taunt Melrose during her interview challenge with such scathing words as "Smell-rose" and "Ding-dong." Melrose must have skin of iron to withstand those invectives.

In personal news, we spend much of this episode probing the sexuality of Michelle. This is the episode where she kinda, sorta, maybe, possibly comes out as a raging bisexual, allegedly. For the most part, her sister and her mother seem supportive of her decision to "ride the fence." Also, it gives Amanda an excuse for her slightly less than stellar performances. Way to use an important moment in your sister's life as your excuse for being less fierce.

This week's lesson on interviewing comes from one Mark Steines, correspondent extraordinaire at ET. (Aside: no one in this week's podcast had an idea who he was. People, did you not see his captivating guest performance on Suddenly Susan? Suddenly Susan, guys. There's no coming down from that plateau.) He gives the girls such great advice, that they subject themselves to interview Janice fuckin' Dickinson. Thank god, Tyra's necromancers summoned Janice for her seasonal appearance. It's not as exciting as last year's visit ("Zip it, bitch. Zip it. You're dead to me.") but she does try to steal the mic and insults A.J's stupid beret. Then again, wouldn't you? It was funny to see Brooke trying to ingratiate herself to Janice by asking her "What makes you so bitchy?" Oh, Brooke.

Tyra also shows off her interviewing skills. She gets to intereview each girl so she can give them "advice" because she "cares", like when she pretty much tells Amanda that her twin sister is better than her. Michelle comes out (again). A.J. comes out (as a Melrose hater). Melrose comes out (in her damnable beret and horrid clashing boots). Other stuff happens, but I was too distracted by Melrose' boots.

I think this week's challenge is ANTM's commentary on the ephemeral nature of American celebrity culture. The brilliance of using disposable reality show contestants to portray vainglorious media whores (Not Oprah) whose relationships and celebrity status are as fleeting as Caridee's eczema problem is just just plain genius. Touché, Mr. Jay. Actually, I hated this challenge. The SNL-quality make-up looked ridiculous on half the girls. Ironically, this week's lesbian is the only one who does not get to play drag king. Anchal and Melrose looked particularly stupid.

At panel, the girls have to do yet another challenge. This time the girls have to run commentary on an ANTM red carpet event. Not as funny as the teleprompter incident many moons ago. Thankfully, a helpful montage tells us that A.J., Jaeda, and Anchal pretty much suck. A.J. and Jaeda seem apathetic and above-it-all. Eugena calling Ms. Jay's dress a trash bag and Brooke not knowing which way to hold a mic were particularly cute. Unsurprisingly, Smell-rose ass kisses her way to the top. Again.

This week, Brooke, Ding-Dong, and I think half of Caridee submit some amazing shots. Michelle does a great Ellen impression; Amanda emulates Demi; Eugena has dead eyes; Anchal thinks Oprah's greatest achievement is going on an international doughnut run. (What is with her and food?) Jaeda and A.J. round out the bottom two with Jaeda getting yet another reprieve. Apparently her eagerness to look like a dude is keeping her around for even more punishment. A.J. pretty much ennui-s her way out of this competition and Tracy Enid Flick wins yet again.

Next week: Anchal's weight issues rear their fat, ugly heads, Caridee apparently gets nekkid, and Fabio makes an appearance. Now that's a hair war no one should miss.

P.S. This week's podcast features my friends in Houston using every euphemism for "vagina" know to women and pondering the male counterpart to a "fag hag." It's called a "dyke tyke." It's in Urban Dictionary.
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Listen to this skit, performed by us, written by our rock n' rolling listener, Lizz.

Listen to our fifth episode

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Hi Y'all!
Sorry for the lateness of this episode. Even though we try to record it on Wednesdays, it's a little hard to get all four of us together at the same time. We did do it last week, and apparently that gave you guys the taste for blood. Juuuust kidding! We love you, and Javier's witty shownotes will be here soon, so make sure to check back and leave us lots of comments!! We especially need comments this week because we have taken on a new format. Instead of a running commentary while we watch the show on mute, which is what we have done so far, in this episode we summarize and give our opinions clip by clip. The point is to cut down on the rambling. OK, we didn't really succeed in doing that, but give a listen and let us know which format you like better.

Thanks to everyone who gave us Jaeda's dragilicious names!!! You guys are the best. Unfortunately, some of them didn't make it into this episode because we didn't receive them until after we recorded the episode. Sorry!! The official dragalicious name is going to be Masculinda. Thanks and congratulations to Ivan/Pete!

Also, we want to thank everyone who left us reviews on iTunes!! We never expected the response we got to our request, and we now feel loved and kissed by diamond teddy bears.

xoxo,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

p.s. Ohmigod, y'all, we forgot one important piece of news!! Listener Ivan told us that Count Chocula (Monique) was stopped at the airport for having marijuana in her purse! She claimed "It ain't mine, it must have gotten in my purse in the club last night." What a lying pothead.

NOOOOO AJ don't gooooooo!!!!

2006-10-19T00:15:00.000-05:00

Ok I don't really actually like AJ's personality so much, but that girl took hot pictures. And to lose to Jaeda?!?! What the f*@k?!?!

Sigh.

In honor of AJ, we are going to make fun of Jaeda by giving her drag names. Email (antpodcast@gmail.com) or leave a comment here with your suggestions, and I will update the post.

Names we have so far:

Masculinda
Jaedandsome
Mister Jay-da
Jaedick
Gayeda
Mrs. Jaeda
Jae-Ferrigno
Jaedosterone
Jaheda
Jaeda-Man

xoxo,
Amy

p.s. I have nothing against Jaeda, really, and I know it's not her fault that AJ got kicked. Tough titties.

New podcast episode coming soon!

Sad Face

2006-10-16T01:24:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone!
We were wondering if you guys can do us a huge favor. I just checked out our entry on iTunes, and someone gave us a hateful review :( If you have a spare moment, please rate us and leave a review.

Basically, we need to go from this:

to this:

Thank you guys so much!!

xoxo,

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Megg's Close Up

2006-10-14T20:20:00.001-05:00

6 rock n' rolls in 3 minutes. I believe that may be a record.

Tyra Hates Beards!

2006-10-13T15:50:00.000-05:00

Sorry this is so late, guys!
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Of course, the ONE time I think Megg looks halfway presentable at panel, Tyra goes and boots her ass off the show. Girl finally learned to comb that rat weave and has nothing to show for it. At first I found it odd that she kept Jaeda (who Tyra hates) over Megg, but then I you see her portfolio. Not too impressive. To Megg we say "Grrl. Go. Go and form your two person band. And you rock and roll. You rock and roll so hard that you give Avril a run for her money."

In other news, it appears Melrose and her array of berets (geddit) have replaced Monique as resident bitch. Golly, that was fast. Her victim of choice: Anchal. Poor, "chubby" Anchal. Dude, when did she turn into that chick from college that cries on impact? She stood up to that wildebeest Monique, but the minute Melrose says she does not think Anchal is pretty, she turns into fucking Tammy Faye Baker. Also, way to comfort her, A.J. Why don't you just feel her up next time?

It's also comforting to note that Melrose has decided to emulate Tyra with her useless posing examples. Can you see the difference? No, you stupid, stupid trollop.

In challenge news, Eugena wins again for posing on a platform with some jewelry and some intense Yoko Ono-wannabe telling the girls how hot they look. You would think that A.J. would have won for best poseur. At least the prize is pretty sweet, so when Eugena gets eliminated (and she will), she at least has $32,000 worth of baubles.

Once again, ANTM uses the photo shoot to tell us what the producers really think of these heifers. This week it's a turn of the century (thanks for clarifying which century, Jay) carnivale motif to tell us that Melrose is old, Eugenia likes cages, Anchal is huge, Megg has hair, and the twins are, um, twins. The photos are a mixed bag, with Caridee, Eugenia, A.J, Melrose producing some strong shots. While Brooke (Love her!), Jaeda, and Megg round out the bottom. Seriously, no one could have worked that beard. (Didn't they learn not to fuck with a girl's face when they bedazzled poor Lluvy's a few years back to make her look like a fish?)

No random song out bursts this week, but next week: JANICE FUCKING DICKENSON! Oh, and Michelle might be gay. Might!?!

Listen to our fourth episode

Heeeey ladies...