Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Tyra Hates the Soundbite Potential

Welcome back to yet another cycle of America's Next Top Model. Back for another season of vagina arms, bitch's classing, the awesome gayness (or gay awesomeness) that is the Jays and the dashing (or smarmy) Nigel. Since the CW (formerly UPN) always releases the final thirteen girls before the pre-show, I won't even bother fully recapping it. Vying to be the next big thing in modeling since CariDee include a chatty Cathy, a pink tutu, a Russian mail order bride, a repossessed weave, two plus-sized girls, a human canvas, and a subdued (well, subdued for her) Jaslene. Girls meet, girls bitch, bitches get sent home. Of these, the blabbermouth (Dionne), the tutu (Jael), the Ruskie (Natasha), the big girls (Diana and Whitney), and the Jaslene (Jaslene) make it to the Top Model house with their newest best friends, or worst enemies. The House this season is based on the History of Top Model. In addition to the ubiquitous Tyra shots, the house is decorated based on the previous winners. I'm sure the Yoanna room has a barf bag and toilette, the Eva room has some L Word dvds and flannel, and the Naima room has massive amounts of ennui. No word if she-who-must not-be-named has a room. Since it's still the first week, the only stand out personalities (i.e. girls I already hate) are Sarah, who is more Melrose than Melrose, and Renee, the 20 year old two faced bitch who won't shut up about the infant she loves so much yet abandoned to be on a reality show on the CW. Did I mention she was a bitch? The first challenge brings the girls to a local Goodwill that involves a patented ANTM three minute challenge to pull an outfit out of thin air. As Kathleen observes, they are dealing other people's crap. Not literally. I have to give the girl props for the correct use of the word "literally." (“i.e., me.” – Amy) Even some of my college educated friends manage to misuse that word, literally. After the frenzy, the girls have to strut their outfits down a runway for an auction with an audience consisting of a few old people, a couple of gays, and one recurring guest star on Gilmore Girls (synergy). The girl whose outfit gets the "highest" bid wins. The "big" winner is Jael whose "prize" is getting the sign the $286.50 check. That's a lame turnout, ladies. Fuck, Ms. Jay's foundation probably cost more that that.

Sigh.

Jael's victory must have tuckered the poor girl out because she's sick as we go to this week’s photoshoot. Not one to shy away from controversy, this first photo shoot is based on opposite beliefs. Thanks Top Model, for characterizing these polarizing political times with a photo-shoot done by Nigel and his boner. Still too many girls to write about individually, but let’s just say the overall consensus is "meh." Apparently, hula-hoops have restorative abilities in Jael's mind. (I get the feeling that "in Jael's mind" will be a phase I use a lot this cycle) Panel. Judges. The Twigster. Prizes. Tyra in a bandanna. This week's photos aren't great. They’re not bad, but most of them are not good. Jaslene (executionix) and Britney (pro Anna Wintour) do pretty well. Felicia (Baby Ty Ty) also does pretty will with her traditional marriage shot. Samantha (gay marriage) gets raves, but she is already being fingered with the dreaded pretty but boring tag. She's like a prettier version of Meggg. In the middle are the hefties, Whitney (pro Ellen and Portia) and Diana (pro Lara Croft:Tomb Raider) Disappointing this week are Sarah (life in prison) and Rene (anti-gun). Jael apparently doesn't want to do well because she wants people to like her. In Jael's mind (see?), people love losers. Best moment of the entire episode: Kathleen's lame anti-fur photo leads to her hilarious theory of where fur coats should come from.

(Awww. Simba sad.)

So the first bottom two are Jael and Kathleen. Even though neither of these girls are going to be joining MENSA anytime soon, they both seem nice and are pretty entertaining to watch. Jael is given another chance and Kathleen is sent back to Crooklyn. She actually seems pretty cool about it and is grateful that Tyra thinks she has potential. Jeez, I would have kept her around for a few weeks just for her bromides and observations. Next week: Sarah flashes some little boys her little boy boobies and Jaslene has meltdown numero uno!


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Click here to listen to our eighteenth episode
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Titbits:

Aaron made a cool new site for his job...like tv guide, but better. Here it is, COUCHVILLE!

Don't forget to visit our forum (hosted by The Planet podcast)! It's been getting old and rusty since the end of cycle 7, but I hope to start it again for cycle 8.

Some NSFW pictures of Jael here. (Thanks, Becky!)

Check out this exciting new blog by a fellow listener!

Picture of one of our fan's sister:

If you sent me something to post and I didn't post it, please email it again to antpodcast@gmail.com

14 Comments:

  • Yayness and a mo fo! A new episode!!! Jael is going to be pure comedy gold. She and Whitney should defiantly become lesbian lovers.

    I like Renne, just because she's already the proclaimed herself as the House Bitch. Good for her! Usually girls don't win that Special title till the third or fourth episode.

    Really like Samantha because she might possibly be sane and takes good pictures, but I can already see an eliminating coming for her because of “not showing enough personality.”

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:05 PM  

  • i did the "i dont do pushups sweety but ill do a pose" miss jay quote to my high school gym teacher today it was so funny he then compared me to justin from ugly betty. lol

    ps
    jaslene is so taco bell

    By Anonymous maxno1fan, at 9:57 AM  

  • Your guys forum link isn't working. :(

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:45 AM  

  • maxno1fan said...
    i did the "i dont do pushups sweety but ill do a pose" miss jay quote to my high school gym teacher today it was so funny he then compared me to justin from ugly betty. lol

    ps
    jaslene is so taco bell

    hi Antpodcast could you read my comment on your podcast my friends will find it super funny

    pps.i gave up on the anal thing i tryed for one last time, and could not walk for a week. you can read this out if you want as well.lol

    ppps. Anal beads not that great

    By Anonymous maxno1fan, at 1:58 PM  

  • Oops, sorry about the forum link! It should work now. Please let me know if it still has problems for you. Thanks for letting me know about the link!

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 4:38 PM  

  • sorry about the anal beads maxno1fan! I guess you shouldn't take advice from a straight-ish girl about that!
    I LOVE Justin from Ugly Betty. Can't wait for the hiatus of that show to end!

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 6:54 PM  

  • Hey guys I have a six hour flight to the east coast tomorrow and guess what I'm gonna do on the plane? Catch up on ANTP! So excited. Damn battery better not run out...

    By Blogger evicious, at 7:42 PM  

  • you can bring your laptop and bring the wire and it'll charge while it's plugged in to your laptop. Plus, the ipod minis are supposed to last 8 hours...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:26 PM  

  • Did anyone watch that Pussycat Doll show? It's just like ANTM except the girls are stupider, hoochier, and there's no Mama TyTy. I love it so much already.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:21 AM  

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