Thursday, March 06, 2008

The Girls Go Derelicte

**Many thanks to Randy once again for our beautiful new banner!!!**

The best way to deal with Top Model Overkill is the skip an entire cycle of it. After getting burned out on the disappointment that was Cycle 8, thank god I took a breather from the even worse Cycle 9. Hopefully, Cycle 10 will be an improvement. I am not holding my breath.

Every time, Tyra gives us a moral quandary to ponder. Last year it was: How far can a girl with Aspereger's go in this competition? This time: Is it wrong to hate a girl who was forced to undergo female circumcision? In between using a CW reality show as a platform against genital mutliation, Fatima is kind of a bitch. I didn't watch last week, but I read she managed to piss of a few girls. This week she drew the ire of both Amis (nee Amy) and Marvita. She must have balls of steel, because Marvita is one dude I wouldn't want to get into a barfight with.

This cycle's house is based on some lame-ass inspiration theme. Along with photos of previous winners, there are "inspirational" quotes from past contestants. We see one bon mot from Robin (Cycle 1). Unfortunately, I don't think any of my favorite quotes will make it on those walls. Such favorites include: "Bitch poured beer on my weave," "Even when I am sitting next to her, all I can smell is bitch," and "I'm sorry if I don't spew rainbows incessantly." Like last cycle, this house is also smoke-free. Luckily, some of these brain trusts figured out that you have to go outside to light a fag. Kimberly mentions that there are two no-smoking signs on the door. I am sure she thought they cancelled each other out. Oh, we'll get back to Kimberly in a minute.

The girls go on a tour of New York which (surprisingly) concludes with a challenge. More surprising is 1)that the fashion show takes place in Time Square, 2) There are more than fifteen people in the audience, and 3) it's for an actual design house, Badgely Mischka. (Note: In what I am convinced is a roundabout shout-out to us: James Mischka is a fellow Rice alum. Along with Candace Bushnell and Alberto Gonzales.) The only one who manages to completely suck at this stage is Marvita, who is looking down the entire time. Kimberly mentions all the expensive clothes she is forced to wear and how it doesn't make sense to her to spend so much money on fashion.

Later, the girls get to go to Elite Model Management to meet their potential boss, a.k.a. that douche from Elite Model Management. TDFEMM brings out Paulina Porizkova to critique each of the girls. Before unleashing her Czech terror, the tells them that this is part of the job. She tells Amis that she has a bad complexion (which she does). Says one girl has a squashed face. And she tells Dominique that she looks like the tranny version of Robin Wright Penn. Which, hee. Even though I think she looks like more fucked up version of Coryn. Although I wouldn't trust the taste of the woman who has to fuck Ric Ocasek, Paulina seems pretty cool so far.

So the first photo shoot of every cycle has some message or theme that makes us think Tyra cares. This time around it's the plight of the homeless. Of course this segues into a plug for Tyra's other show where she had to dress up as a homeless person for a day. It was a life altering experience, blah, blah, blah. Too bad there were no dolphins in the alley she had to stay in for the night. For this shoot, the models will be dressed in Mugatu's Derelicte. The shoot will also feature actual homeless women who will be dressed as extras. Still way too many girls to talk about individually, but I think Marvita and Fatima (who both lived in shelters at one point) are pretty affected by this shoot. In an unrelated note, I think I already hate Allison.

At panel, Tyra introduces us to our surprise new judge! Its Paulina Porizkova! Since CW releases everything via press release, none of us are surprised. Too many girls to go through, but here are some random observations: there are too many girls here! What's up with the one side of Claire's head? Lauren... why is she even here? Anya's picture was not that great. Loved when Amis admitted to staring into the light source. This plus-sized Whitney is a lot better than the last one. The important thing that happened at panel was that Kimberly quit. She goes on some mumbling speech about expensive clothes. Tyra tries to pull the "I picked you over six other girls who actually wanted to be here" bit and then asks her if she wants to leave. Kimberly is all "Smell ya later, Ty Ty" and walks away. I'm sure it was cutaways to the other girls' shocked reactions and the OMINOUS MUSIC OF DOOM that played everytime Kimberly opened her mouth that made this moment more dramatic than it really was. Sadly, she had one of the better pictures.

There is no reprieve from elimination this week. The bottom two are Amis and Atalya. Amis is this cycle's "You're so wrong you're right" girl. Atalya falls into that dangerous category of being pretty, but neither stunning nor weird looking enough to be a model. Since she also doesn't have much of a personality or trauma to exploit, Atalya is unceremoniously cut first. Tyra tells here that she can get some work as a commercial model, which I am sure is a back-handed compliment of some sort.

Next week: Makeovers! Do we still care?

Click here to listen to our thirty-second episode

Good quote from TelevisionWithoutPity about Tyra:

" the awesomeness of Tyra Banks: she's not a genius because she gives people what they want, she's a genius because she gives people what she wants, which just happens to be a cross-section of what people want, by virtue of the fact that she is shallow and pointless."


  • Tell Aaron the book was The Giver.

    Welcome back! Great podcast!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:57 AM  

  • hooray for the return of antp! and, yeah cycle 9 sucked anyway.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:30 PM  

  • Listening to the podcast and the ANTM house is on Lispenard Street which is in Tribeca. So nice area...

    By Anonymous Lyricalcatt, at 2:10 PM  

  • We can consider the hiatus a protest of the fact that Cycle 9 absolutely sucked. Glad they caught the guy who robbed your house! Welcome back!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:32 PM  

  • ok, as someone from hawaii, i have to comment on anya's accent. we DO NOT sound like that. she sounds like a retarded person on crack.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:24 PM  

  • Oh god, Anya does sound like a retard on crack!
    Aaron ays thanks for the book title!

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 5:31 PM  

  • Thank God your back!!!! All I can say is ANTM is on probation! I will not blog this season! After the Saleisha crap last season I came so close to giving up! This season is a little less annoying...well...except for Tyra. I think she should step down and let someone (not MR or MS J) take over. Well, at least we have another retarded dolphin (anya) to take up where Jaslene left off.
    Makeovers were way better this cycle then they have been.
    I hate Fatima. I don't care if her cooch was sewn shut...bitch gotta go...
    Marvita...hmmmm...I think she's the next Jaeda...I wish my boyfriend was as butch as she is...
    Anyway, glad your back!

    By Blogger BishopJ, at 8:24 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger BishopJ, at 10:24 PM  

  • I really didn't think that you would come back, but I am so glad that you did! I'm curious of how this season will turn out...

    By Anonymous Annette, at 6:06 PM  

  • I think Claire looks like Julia Stiles.

    By Blogger Azil5967, at 9:44 PM  

  • Yay your back!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:14 PM  

  • Stacy-ann Does Looks Like Danielle!!
    Welcome back, Lovely and funny Podcast!

    By Blogger F!TO, at 1:35 PM  

  • My sister always me force me to click on websites I don't want to, since she doesn't have any computer she uses mine, but I don't think this blog is that bad, as a matter of fact I kind of liked it.

    By Anonymous Sildenafil, at 1:13 PM  

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