Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tyra Hates Proactive Solution and the "Issa" but Loves Psoriasis Success Stories!

Finale time (Okay it was a few weeks ago, but it was finals period.) Who will be America's Next Top Model? Melrose, no "Issa"; CariDee or Caridee; or Eugen(i)a? Compared to the last few cycles, this is a pretty weak final three. I was so more willing to buy into Jade's bag of bullshit. And Joanie and Dani(elle) could model circles around Eugena and Caridee. But, we write these show notes with the final three we were given. One of the things that Top Model gets right is the streamlined finale: commercial, photo shoot, elimination, runway, final decision. We cut right to the chase with the commercial shoot. No one royally screws up, i.e. no one needs cue cards or hilariously ad-libs lines as she goes along. We are lead to believe that Melrose has a mid freak out, but she manages to get through. Apparently, that's what happens when you have OCD. The commercial itself is full of false enthusiasm, with the "dancing," and "laughing," and merriment. The judges seem to like the commercial, but its utter shite compared to the professionally done commercials that air between segments. You'll never hear Queen Latifa utter the word "feasta." The judges love Caridee's photo. I think they describe it as "soft" or "approachable" or whatever. Melrose's photo gets criticism for her stiff mouth. Eugena takes what is probably her best photo of the entire competition. Her picture is so touched up that she was practically rotoscoped into A Scanner Darkly. Even though this was her strongest week, it was not enough to make it to the final two. Eugena is eliminated, leaving the two blonds to battle it out on the runway. While Caridee and Eugenia embrace, Melrose tries to get in on the hug. You have to watch it to see how funny the hug really is. I think Melrose and Caridee are the perfect pair for what transpires at the final runway challenge, which is basically an extension to the gesticulate assily contest. The theme is ghost brides and the models have to make three passes. On the second pass, the girls have to give a stare down when the cross each other. On the final pass, the girls have to run like they're insane or something. The blonds are the only two models desperate, eager, or stupid enough to make themselves look like idiots in front of the judges, the four people in the audience, and the thousands of people who actually watch this show.

Before the show begins, Tyra makes an appearance to give the girls some encouragement and show off her Destinos level Spanish training. I'm surprised she didn't ask the flower girls (Yes, there were flower girls) if they knew where La Gavia was or what job did Raquel Rodriguez have.

The major drama happened during the Melrose and Caridee stare down. Caridee stepped on Melrose's train and ripped her dress. Melrose started freaking out like it's her fault or something. It looked accidental and if anyone should be pissed, it's the designer whose dress was ruined. Ms. Jay takes off during the middle of the show, not because she is concerned for Melrose's sake, but to shriek like a banshee down the runway right before the final pass. It's not really scary, but it gives the four people in the audience a good chuckle.

Despite her minor meltdown, Melrose wins the runway challenge. It's not enough to win the entire shebang though because Caridee is crowned the winner. It's so obvious who was going to win, even Helen Keller could have fucking seen it.

In her final interview, Melrose appears truly sad and the newly elected mayor of Bum City. I did feel a tinge of pity when she mentioned that she was called a "bitch." Maybe she should have thought of that when she was bossing everyone around or gloating about her victories.

Caridee's victory is a victory for all us girls who were teased for having a horrible skin disease. Her victory is a victory for all of us who want to don elephant noses and parasols. Her victory is a victory for us gals who want to straddle counters and cheat on our boyfriends in Spain.

This concludes this cycle of Top Model. Bring on America's Next Top 7th Heaven.

Au revoir, bitches!
Listen to our finale episode
So, I was surfing on the web for a cool picture of Caridee, and this is what Google image found:

Ironically, this bitch won too!

Anyhoo, guys, sorry for the huge delay. We promise to never make you guys wait so long again! Umm except for the Christmas break...and maybe between the cycles. I don't know, the boys are so flakey (see last ten minutes of episode.)

Please don't forget to vote for us on Podcast Alley!

Also, please leave us reviews on iTunes so we can make it to the top 100 podcasts.

Want to be cool like Lizz, anonymous girl, or Leila? Leave us a voicemail at 1-206-350-TYRA (8972)

Thanks to everyone who listened to us this year! And a very special thanks to Javier for his awesomely hilarious shownotes every week.

We never could have imagined anyone listening to us ramble, much less liking it. You guys are totally fierce.

Happy Holidays, everyone! See you next year.

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty


  • hi amy view my antm&me blog we did a little buttlicking/merry xmas post 4 u guys!


    By Blogger Americas next top model & me, at 9:55 AM  

  • Hey April and co.!
    Thank you guys so much for the post! Happy holidays:)

    By Blogger Amy, at 10:30 AM  

  • hi guys!
    Its been so much fun listening to your podcast this fall/winter.
    You all make a great podcastingteam!
    Hope to hear from you ALL sometime after the holidays.
    Have a great Christmas, and a HAPPY new year!!!
    Lots of L*O*V*E from Tira

    By Blogger tira, at 12:32 PM  

  • That asshole who was all, “Oohhhh, this is offensive” about homo.com was completely stupid. Like, I’m fifteen and it wasn’t at all offensive to me. And you should know that as soon as you say, “Blah blah, blah shouldn’t go to it if you’re underage,” every person who is underage & listens to your show is going to rush to the computer and go see it.

    Oh, and my little sister made me listen to Mugglecast the other day. I have to say, IT IS THE DUMBEST SHIT EVER. Seriously. They first pimped these “Mugglecast Tee Shirts” for an hour (that’s like taping a sign on your forehead that says, “I’m a nerd. Please give me a good ass kicking, pronto.” Who would wear a tee-shirt about Harry Potter, much less one about a Harry Potter WEBSITE?) And then they talked about Harry Potter and what’s going to happen in the next book or whatever. And my little sister was all, “HAHAHA, this is so funny!” and I was all, “Hahaha, not really, so STFU, bitch.” And then they talked about some Snake guy and whoreacruxes (no idea what those are) for ages. It was possibly the most boring hour of my life.

    So anyway, if anyone’s thinking of listening to that show to see what it is like, I would strongly advise you NOT TO. Unless you’re some type of super nerd or something. Cause then it would be okay, and you might actually understand what they were saying.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:19 PM  

  • Hi all! Thank you Tira for your wishes! Happy holidays to you too:) and anonymous, you are HILARIOUS. I just read your entire message to my sister and we laughed our heads off. Stay in touch during the holidays, everyone!
    Amy from ANTPodcast

    By Blogger Amy, at 12:42 AM  

  • hi antpodcast i am 14 and when i went on homo.com my mom walked in my room and saw it. it was so ambrassing/funny.

    also i have i little help shout out 2 the mo's (scotty and max)
    im bi sexual and hate anal sex it hurts
    what should i do?(help me)
    (ps.max has a hot voice lol)
    and a totally random question how hot do you guys think mario lopez is? because i read hes gonna be appearing in ugly betty.

    luv maxs number 1 fan

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:20 AM  

  • Hi!
    Well, I hope you didn't get in trouble with your mom! Sorry about that:)
    We will definately give you a shoutout, and help you out with your prob.

    i thought mario lopez was hot for the first half of dancing with the stars, but soon after, when he started getting a little cocky, I was immediately turned off. It doesn't help that his partner is a hobag and looks like a bird. eeek.
    However, still very excited that he's going to be in Ugly Betty! Thanks for the tip.

    Amy from ANTPodcast

    By Blogger Amy, at 10:35 PM  

  • You're podcasts are fun, but CariDee didn't cheat on her boyfriend. They had been broken up and remained friends. She explained that in one of her interviews.

    By Blogger Karen, at 2:47 AM  

  • oooh, ok! Good to know.

    By Blogger Amy, at 12:00 PM  

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