The Girls Get "Body" Slammed

An action-packed episode of Top Model This Week.

The gift of Apple Bottom Jeans prompts to a fight between Allison and Fatima. Its so very Alien vs. Predator, i.e. whoever wins, we lose. Fatima is being a bitch when she says that Allison has big ass. Allison take umbrage (as a former anorexic) then measures herself (as a future anorexic) and then uses Barbie dolls(!) to mock Fatima's ass (as a kloset Klan kunt.) I am no fan of Fatima, but that shits uncalled for and embarrassingly infantile. Also infantile is Stacy Ann. Between her childlike pleading to Tyra's portrait to showing her ass on the camera, I think I may be in like with her.

This week is the first Cover Girl Make Up challege of the cycle. Its the typical three minute/1 mirror make up challenge. This year, the girls have to compete in Walmart. The winner, Claire, gets to have her mug in a Cover Girl display in Walmarts across the country. Um, how is that a reward.

It also the make over episode and the only real tears come from Fatima. She gets a long weave and declares the process one of the most painful experiences of her life. (Not touching that one.) Her makeover makes her look really good. There are no outright disasters this season. A lot of girls go blond, especially Anya and Claire who go really, really blond. They also shave the other side of Claire's head. Marvita gets a horse hair mane which makes her look like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheeva. They give Dominique an unflattering mom cut. They do something to Allison which make her look less like Sarah Silverman and more like Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls. The cycle marks the return of Miss Jay getting a fake over. Also returning are those strappy swinsuit things the models have to pose in after the make over.

Tyra reads that the models are going to meet the "Body." At first I thought the models were going to wrestle former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura. It turns the models are going to photo in Elle "The Body" MacPherson's underwear, or as she adorably calls them "knickers." During wardrobe, it looks like there squeezing Whitney into a girdle. It turns out its just a corset (po-ta-to, po-tah-to). Most of the models seem to do well. Dominique thinks she has a high fashion look. Allison, who has previous modeling experience, thinks she does super duper great. Of course in reality, she stinks up the joint.

The panel seems to like Lauren's photo even though she has no idea what the hell she's doing. Kat's picture looks like that of a Russian mail order bride. Somewhere Natasha's ears must be burning. Fatima and Marvita take some strong photos. I am convinced that Marvita cannot do anything other than that one pissed look she has. The bottom two are Allison and Dominique with Allison being let go. She bursts into tears while I think the real daughter of the inventor of the toaster strudel wouldn't go out like such a pussy. I normally would feel bad to see someone's dreams crushed, but then I remember she's an skank who I hated even before her Barbie incident this week.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Click here to listen to our thirty-third episode
---------------------------------------------------------------