Monday, April 09, 2007

Tyra Hates the Cheerleader Who Wouldn't Stop Clapping

It's celebrity week in Top Model land! That means this week is all about personalities: real and alter-egos. So obviously, this week's main character is Jael. Though not the prettiest model in the competition, she is definitely one of the stand-outs this season, for better or worse. We learn the Jael is not intimidated by celebrities. We also learn what makes Renee so unpleasant (clue: she's a bitch), Dionne has a daughter (which both she and the viewers completely forgot about) and the Brittany's weave still hurts.The first step to developing a personality is to get a new name. The girls go some place to meet Ms. Leslie Hornsby. Who is Leslie Hornsby you ask? Why she is none other than Twiggy St. Twigglestern. Twiggy regales/bores the girls with how she was deemed "Twiggy" and because of it she was discovered and went on to become a living legend. A name can make or break a model and you can't mention Top Model and monikers without dragging up Melrose "No Issa" Bickerstaff. The girls are tasked with coming up with new names for themselves. Some girls kept their own unique names: Jael and Jaslene. Some girls basically decided to truncate their names: Nata and Brit. Sarah uses her middle name, Moe, which is just as bland as she is. Renee and Whitey use parts of their names to get Nayien and Whittel. Lastly, Dionne uses a documentary and her love of older men to come up with Wholahay. Okaaaay.

The girls take their new names and have to impress a bunch of celebrities and one "Funky Cold Medina." I was so hoping for Tone Loc but it's actually Benny Media, Tyra's manager. Here a brief lowdown of what happens: Jael pisses off 50 Cent so he throws her into a pool, twice;

("Apparently, you can't hang with that. But you can throw it in the pool." - Aaron)

Natasha has a momentary brain lapse and jumps in after her; Renee tells Nicole Richie that she hates Jael, Nicole Ritchie tells Jael that Renee hates her. The challenge is to impress Benny Media and his court. Jael and Natasha get scolded for showing up wet. Renee and Benny do little "Who's on First" bit with the whole "What’s your name?" "Nayien" "Yes, what’s your name?" "Nayien" "I know, what's your name?" But it's Dionne, who remembers that she has a daughter and cries into a Hermes scarf, that impresses him the most. Her prize is a Keds photo shoot with two friends. She selects Whitney and Jaslene.

Jael confronts Renee about the whole being a bitch thing. Their animosity towards each other is so profound, that Tyra's drama sense starts tingling. She decided to have one of her sit-ins. She asks the girls if they have any secrets or if there is anything on their minds. Brit reveals that her weave hurts. Someone rats on Renee, so Tyra thinks it might be therapeutic for her to get on stage and have the rest of the girls yell at her. It’s so, "I'm so sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed."

This week’s photo shoot is about personality. The girls have to self-style themselves and take four headshots of their selected personalities. Jael and her rat tail select: Sexy Beast, Anarchist, Revolutionary, and Dominator. Which are all kind of the same. Nata uses most of the adjectives she knows and does: sad, sexy, happy, and surprised. Wholahay is sensitive, hood, friendly, evil. That thing on Brit's head is not just evil, but secret evil. But she is also goofy, spacey, and innocent. Renee is sexual, dark side, motherly (ha!) and sorrow. No matter what Jaslene picks, they all translate to drag queen, drag queen, tranny, drag queen. Whittelle is secretive, peaceful, thinker, and comedian. Sarah is innocent, angry, sad, and happy.

Tyra thinks of herself as Emphatic, Entrepreneur, Supermodel and Silly. This week's guest judge is Benny "Funky Cold" Media. The best shots this week go to Jael, Natasha, Brittany. Jael's photos look like a MAC ad. Since Tyra hates some of the nicknames, she gives Wholahay the moniker "Brown." She does well but is not spectacular. Renee gets renamed "NeNe" and also does fine, but needs to take it to the next level and not be afraid to get ugly. Jaslene takes one decent photo four times. The judges compare it to a horrible picture of Janice. This week's bottom two are Whitney and Sarah. Tyra blah, blahs that Whitney is turning into this cycle's Jaeda. Sarah is too much of a thinker and a poser (pun intended, right?) and her pictures are too generic and amateur. Like Aaron, Tyra has a soft spot for large black women and Whitney is given one more chance. Sarah is sent released to pursue her modeling/singing/acting/photography.

Au revoir, Moe. You didn't turn out as awful as I thought you were going to be. See ya at the Midvale School for the Gifted.

Next week:...

Click here to listen to our twenty-third episode
Congrats to Alice whose quote got picked for Covergirl of the week!


  • Man, those are some ta-tas on that chick.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:37 AM  

  • is it ugly betty

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:24 AM  

  • Hi Amy, you know you were bitching about Asian girls, who always do the peace sign well my sisters friend is even more annoying she's like 30 & is still obsessed with hello kitty and to put the cherry on the cake she a mother fucking christian. I mean i'm half asian, but at least i don't act like i'm ms we share the hate for that.

    Also i love your profile photo idea, it totally sounds cute. and that girls photo at the bottom of your post is totally hot, if only i would move from being bi curious to being bi sexual.

    By Anonymous Emma, at 12:42 PM  

  • wow vianna's got some nice sweater puppies. if i wasn't gay I'd know what to do with them

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:00 PM  

  • Those shoes are mine betch!

    By Anonymous Adam, at 10:07 PM  

  • Wow. This week should be called America's Next Top Tangent. And what's up with Scott's semi-offensive blaccent.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:03 AM  

  • i like how you compared renne to jade to little red riding hood, and thats who jade was in the falling photo shoot! yay its like a chain of fools!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:01 AM  

  • haha yeah i noticed scotty's blaccent too. what's with gay guys talking like fat black chicks?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:16 AM  

  • Well Scotty is from the South so most people here talk like that anyway. Sorry about the tangents, we'll be better about that next week.

    By Anonymous antpodcast, at 12:30 PM  

  • hey antpodcast,i sent idol chatter an email to say the guy on it should hurry up and accept scottys invite to be his podcast boyfriend,i've just listened 2 the new episode of idol chatter, and it sounds like my email worked.
    xxx love the podcast,Amy rocks the most
    btw how tall are you?

    By Anonymous, at 1:01 PM  

  • keep the tangents thats why i wake up every morning

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:47 PM  

  • yeah your tangents are part of why we love you. that and your large appendages

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:05 PM  

  • Hey Emma, wow your friend sounds really really annoying. Glad we are sharing the hate for those girls! And also we are both bicurious so yay for that too:)

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 1:10 AM  

  • Ohmigod, smallchav you are the best! They totally talked about your comment too hahahahaha! I'm 5'7.

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 1:11 AM  

  • p.s. what is with all the hate towards us this week? The blaccent, too many tangents, max's reading ability? And we just got a hate email towards us today too. I almost feel like we shouldn't even do an episode this week.

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 1:12 AM  

  • damn it amy pull yourself together! your not an official poidcast until you get hate mail. Pat your self on the back! We love you.

    BTW can you please post or read the hate mail. what does it say?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:22 AM  

  • hatemail? awesome, read it out and post their email addy. we wont sign them up for illegal porn or anything. we'll just sign them up for illegal porn.

    By Anonymous cooter, at 2:27 AM  

  • i'm a fag for doing this but an even bigger fag for admitting it... i totally downloaded the mandy moore song (candy) after listening to your last ep.

    By Anonymous cooter, at 3:46 AM  

  • heyy its savannah and i promise this will be short...omg i love you guys too ...and soo sorry that the last hate shout out was so long but i think i spelled phemonia wrong like nemonia. thats how it sounds...omg stef still hasnt died yet..sad i know...nbut you guys got the hate wrong but its okay... i love you for trying!

    thanks guys!

    By Anonymous savannah, at 2:25 PM  

  • WWTD about this hate mail?

    By Anonymous Dylan, at 9:42 AM  

  • She'd make the sender sit in the middle of all the ANTPodcasters and one by one, they'd all throw feces at him. And his "revalation" would be that he has shit in his teeth

    By Anonymous aj, at 12:37 PM  

  • max's can't read

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:55 PM  

  • "hurt people hurt people hurt people"

    yeah, that was amazing...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:24 PM  

  • No Janice this Cycle?

    By Anonymous Dylan, at 9:05 AM  

  • "Wow. This week should be called America's Next Top Tangent. And what's up with Scott's semi-offensive blaccent."

    who ever left that comment get the fuck over it you lame ass nerd,why don't fuck off to chruch and read anime or something,myspace scum.

    antpodcast rocks and scottys accents fine,keep on keeping on guys,xxx

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