Tyra hates the Real Big Green

Between all the allusions to previous cycles and Jaslene and Renee's self awareness, this season of Top Model is getting a little too meta. So it would make perfect sense to bring forth an explosion of Top Modelness with a mini reunion of sorts. I dunno, maybe an all-star cycle is not unfathomable after all. This week, our models are trying to live with loss. Renee tries to lose her bitchy demeanor. Brit loses the weave she's been bitching about since the beginning of time. Natasha loses her cool when confronted with other people's children. And the entire house loses Whitney, who tried her darnedest yet whose photos just kept coming out flat. (Which is very impressive given her curvaceousness)

This week has the first of several acting challenges. In a bit of CW synergy, the models encounter one of the Mowry twitches. I think it’s Tia. In an oddly placed time waster of a challenge, the girls have to don stupid hats and can try to act a personality based on the hat. Whitney goes the sultry route. Nata becomes a shrill witch. Jaslene uses her crown to once again act like a drag queen. But it is Brit who wins my heart by acting like an idoit in a jester's hat, complete with acrobatics.

The real challenge is to endure being around the guy who was in that movie that I didn't bother to see because it looked stupid and everyone started quoting it and treated like it was the bestest thing since My So-Called Life and then I really started to hate it... Suffice to say, I did not vote for Pedro. The models are given a script that they have to memorize in two hours and then act out with the aforementioned character actor. There are three scenarios: Melodramatic (think Brit), Diva (think Naomi), and Bubbly (think Tyra in white girl mode). During the melodramtic challenge, Dionne decided to channel Wholahay Brown and whips out this f-ed up accent. Jaslene manages to forget her lines. Natasha speaks every word pho-net-ic-ly. But it is Renee who impresses Efren the most and wins the challenge. She gets to pick a friend so share her victory. Since its Renee, who is lacking in the friend department, she picks Dionne. The first prize they get is a shirt referencing that accursed movie.

The actual prize is a family visit. Renee is visited by her non-sketchy, totally-legit, beach-dwelling husband and their weird looking baby (“Thank god I’m not the only person who thought that baby was a little fugly” – Amy.) Dionne gets a visit from her mom, sister, and daughter. Dionne's reaction to her baby's hair is priceless. In terms of family histories, mother in a wheelchair always trumps unemployed husband. (Sorry, Nene). All the motherliness strikes a nerve with Natasha, who begins to miss her giant eyed daughter. She calls her husband, Stuart, who once again come off as a nice guy. Nata's tantrum helps us segue into this week’s photo shoot where she is clearly still upset about it.

The theme of this week’s photo shoot is to relive some of the infamous moments in Top Model history. The girls have to invoke a previous Top Model contestant in the form of a comic Payless Shoes ad. Um, okaaaaay. The neat surprise is that the ghosts of Top Model past will actually be in the photo with them. Jaslene and Bre get to relive that weird granola bar incident. Natasha apparently contracted Michelle's infatigo. (BTW, Michelle is looking oodles better this time around). Whitney will not go nude, despite Shannon's insistence. Jael tries to faint and seduce Rebecca at the same time. Brittany becomes the meat of an Amanda and Michelle sandwich. Joanie gets to pull out Renee's elephant sound producing snaggle tooth. (Jay worries that Joanie is outshine Renne in the shot, which is true because Joanie kicks ass) Dionne gets to smooch Kim in the back of the limo. It’s funny when Dionne describes Kim as boyish and dorky just as she enters the room. But other than mega-lez, those are the two words that best describe Kim.
Panel. Tyra seems to be wearing something from the Queen Amidala Maternity Line. She also has her hand on her hip while she's introducing the panel. Natasha, Dionne, and Brittany are all praised for their photos. Both Natasha and Dionne are lauded for their weekly improvements, except for Dionne's clothing choices. Renee also does well, but does photograph a bit old, which is the same thing that Jade and Melrose were accused. Jaslene's presence is diminishing; she to find the right balance between draggy and non-existent. But Whitney's bland photos and Jael’s inability to complete a coherent thought land them in the bottom two. Tyra gives the ole "You have what the other girl needs" spiel before finally sending Whitney back to the Ivy Leagues.

Overall, Whitney is a beautiful girl and one of my favorites. Too bad her portfolio is kinda blah. Even though she is one of the most intelligent girls to ever grace this show, I am not too sure the lesson she was supposed to learn from her elimination was to try acting.

Next week: The girls go down under and face the dreaded commercial challenge. This does not portend well for Natasha and Jael.

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