Monday, May 28, 2007

Tyra Loves the Extra Chromosome

For my impending graduation from UT, Tyra gave me the gift that I have always wanted: a Top Model I hate even more than Naima (C.4). Between this, the renewal of One Tree Hill and the cancellation of Veronica Mars (fuck you, Dawn Ostroff), the CW is on my shit list. The promos promise us a finale full of fun and surprises. Since the Top Model finale never deviates too much, one surprise is that Renee wasn't in the final two. This is kinda shocking, because she seemed to be doing well in the final challenge. The other surprise is that Nata's husband isn't hideous as we thought he would be.

The first part is always the CoverGirl commercial shoot. The commercial also doubles as the winner's first "My Life as a Cover Girl" spot. We have a special guest, CariDee, who apparently decided to become some kinda of flapper slut or the world's fiercest mop. The girls have to ad-lib the words. Every girl has one shitty take and then one great take. Natasha, located after a photo shoot, explains things phonetically. But it can be expected because she is the ESL model. Renee, dressed as a disco ball, is on a boat. I think she talks about how motherhood ruined her life, but Top Model has given her a fresh start or something. Her second take is much better. Jaslene is in the back seat of a car (too easy) and decided to spice it up a little by speaking a little Spanish. Jay calls the move brilliant, which, um, okaaaaaay. But her voice does a lot sound better in Spanish. Her English is the aural equivalent of a steamroller.
In the meantime, the longest day of Caridee's life has finally concluded.

This is a hard decision because no one outright sucked. Natasha has a difficult time smiling. She looks like she's constipated in her photo. Renee looks like she’s a 60 year old woman trying to look 40. Jaslene's photo is not commercial enough, but she did reign in her massive jaw line and for that she is called first. Apparently, Natasha's adaptability is more important that Renee's agedness because Natasha is the second finalist. Tyra hates Tiki Hut Trash. Jaslene is shocked or she loves giving showing us her O-face. I so had Renee and Natasha pegged to be the final two. But Renee does give Natasha some inspiring words about winning it for the mama's. I wish she would have told her that she walks like a pigeon-toed duck with a piece of poo hanging out of her ass. Ah well, see ya later, grandma. Don't let the sliding door at Luby's hit your ass on the way out.

In an interview, Jaslene threatens to rip out all of Natasha's hair if she wins. I know this is supposed to make us think that Jas is determined to win and really wants it. But it only makes her seem muy, muy loca. It wit, Natasha did interview that Jaslene is the weakest model because of her photos. They probably won’t be BFFs after this.
We waste no time in jumping to the fashion show. Like last year's "Ghost Bride" debacle, Top Model has another stupid ass theme this year: it’s Encino Model! The first pass, the girls have to walk around the runway acting like primordial man just discovering fashion. I guess they couldn't afford the rights to that song from Space Odyssey. Also, primordial equals stupid head pieces.

Natasha starts off strong with both passes. During her second pass, her dress falls off but it doesn’t faze her. Her fierceness seems to taper off towards the end though. I forgot what Jaslene does, but Tyra says she started off weaker but gained momentum towards the end. The girls close out the shot perched on ladders while vogueing. I am sure Benny Ninja would be proud. Better than last cycle, but not as awesome as the Thailand fashion show or the South African fashion show. (Even if that one begat us fucking Naima.)

At the final panel, it’s pretty obvious that Jaslene is going to take it all. Her face is confident and her hair is better. Also, Natasha looks a little too mopey and a little chunky compared to Jaslene. Also, all the photos that the panel goes thorough (political stance, high school) are all ones the Natasha sucked at. As Jaslene's name is called, Natasha is very congratulatory to Jaslene. In her interview that she is happy to go home and see her family. Even though Tyra hates Rushkie Business, Natasha takes the crown as the classiest girl this cycle. I am sure that she will be fine in the future. (She also loves Texas and that always scores points with me.)
Jaslene is crowned America’s Next Top Model. Being the drag queen/Carmen Miranda/Latina stereotype she has been portrayed as, she of course decides to salsa. Jaslene gives her "inspirational" speech about persevering in the face of adversity or rejection or something. I dunno.

Coming up: We take a well deserved reprieve from this show because I think we are getting kinda sick of it. Peace out, bitches!

Click here to listen to our twenty-eighth episode
Thanks to Dominick for the awesome fan art, and thanks to Frank and everyone else for the banners and logos! Keep them coming!
Please mail stuff to us at:
America’s Next Top Podcast
6730 Long Drive
Houston, TX 77087
Please leave us good reviews on iTunes! Thanks to everyone who has already done so! Check out this awesome fan art by Dominick!
Feel free to leave many many comments on our blog posts, and send us emails to We'll be lonely during the hiatus!
There's no way we will win, but please vote for us on Blogger's Choice Awards. If this link doesn't work, just go to and search for us under antpodcast.
Lastly, please vote for us on podcast alley. We have a sad, SAD 42 votes, while idol chatter has 800 million votes.
Miss you already,


Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Extra Stuff we make references to in this episode:


Liza Minnelli on Larry King (2006)
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Straight guy at gay bathhouse:

Living Dolls:

More fan art. Yay! Sorry for the delayed post of these images. Thanks to Frances, Emma, and


  • i love u javier. I hate jasleen too

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:39 PM  

  • Hey ANTP! Great episode as usual. (Yes, I listened to it already...Not much going on in Louisiana right now)

    I went to New Orleans this past Sunday...Didn't have any crawfish AND I was there for 12 hours and was ready to go back to Baton Rouge after 5 of them...You understand, riiiiiiiiiiiiight? YOU SO PRETTY!

    By Anonymous Tiffany, at 9:24 PM  

  • aww crap i was going to correct you on something but then i forgot what it was. o well! excellent podcast ill miss you so much! please do a podcast b4 june 18th because i need something for the plane ride there, tehn ill be like the lady whose friend had soul cancer and how she laughed hte whole plane ride there or something. anywhoo, i loved the fan art, but i thought u ment geisha fan, not like someone who loves you fan.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:49 PM  

  • hey guys, just wanted to write because I agree with Javier, the stupid CW is retarded, the finale wasn't much plus canceling Veronica Mars is just plain stupid, will miss the podcast!
    love you guys

    By Anonymous MJ, at 10:01 PM  

  • Oh yaaaay you guys left comments! That always makes my day.
    Tif, I think crawfish season is pretty much over. So sad!! Sigh, another year. I guess you can always have the already frozen ones...sacriledge!
    And yes, stupid CW! Yay for Javier love, tho.

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 11:38 PM  

  • Aw you didn't post the fan art i sent u guys?
    oh well, Happy hiatus.

    ps,love the new episode.

    By Anonymous emma, at 4:38 AM  

  • I have an idea for a podcast in the hiatuss , you could like get listeners to sends photos of themselves to you, and judge the shit out of them.
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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:30 AM  

  • I am listening to the podcast and just to clarify and it angers me that I know this but Jaslene was cut in the the last cut before they chose the 12 or so for the house. So she would have had some interactions with Caridee. But if you think about it if you meet someone for like a couple of days and see them again a year later you aren't going to act like best friends. I thought that made sense.

    By Anonymous lyricalcatt, at 1:14 PM  

  • i love that photo judging idea you guys should totally do that,i'd send my pic

    hiatus peace

    By Anonymous emma, at 2:03 PM  

  • Oops sorry Emma! I fixed the post to include it. My bad!

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 4:17 PM  

  • You guys. You guys! You're not really sick of the podcast are you? Say you're not because I am actually STILL waiting for the ANTP fashion shoot.

    My roommate and I were both upset that Jaslene's makeup was so horrible but we wanted her to win because we were sick of Natasha's self-esteem! I mean come on this is modeling!

    Anyways love the podcast as always. Also love your show notes, Javier!!!

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    By Blogger evicious, at 12:22 AM  

  • When you guys started talking about the whole girls taking pictures of their feet thing, I was sure you guys were making some sort of reference/inside joke about "Lost in Translation," guess you weren't. Maybe that's the thing Scotty was trying to remember. The exact same thing is said in that movie. By the way, Scotty's laughter is so fucking contagious. I laugh w/him and sometimes I have no fucking clue what he's laughing at.

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  • hey amy i know you like the guy that plays harry potter and i don't know but i think you might find this news kind of exciting lol

    By Anonymous MJ, at 6:49 PM  

  • I thought someone had said it before Lost in Translation. Guess not! Thanks for the info.
    MJ, I can't see the link. Boo. Can you email it to me instead?


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  • No, I was totally thinking of Lost in Translation, thank you so much for bringing that up!! I couldn't remember for the life of me.\


    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 5:02 AM  

  • in that last pic if thats scotty at the end,is he really that orange?

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  • And no, Scotty is not orange at all.

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 8:29 AM  

  • I'm not orange, but it's weird that they would imagine me tan... I'm very tan, but I've never been to a tanning bed. I'm one of those people that gets tan in like, February, whenever the sun first peeks out. Like 45 outside on a semi-cloudy day and I'm darker than everyone you know till Christmas. Do I seem like a tanner type guy?


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  • Amen Scotty!

    Did Amy show you my email from a couple of weeks ago? :-( The reply from my hate shout out?

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