Sunday, June 10, 2007

Canada's Next Top Model, season two, episode one

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Now for the fun part. Stephanie from Canada has awesomely recapped Canada's Next Top Model for us (Thanks Steph!) She is funny, she is sexy, and she will blow your brains out if you don't read her recaps. So do it, bitches, and send her lots of Rotel afterwards, for she is a Rotelmaniac.

If you don't have Canada's Next Top Model like us in America, I have included the youtubes below. Stephanie's recap follows.


White town cars driving from Pearson airport to downtown Toronto. Mr. Jay brings in the ten girls and does a big "welcome to CNTM", then tells them "there's something important on the other side of this sliding door", and of course they all think it’s Tyra. I did too. Then the door opens and its ten more girls, and they almost cry. I didn't, because the prettier girls were in the 2nd group. Jay introduces Nolé Marin and Stacey Mackenzie, the Amazon-lipped alleged ex-model. A lot of the girls look like bartenders. I take back what I said about them being hotter than last season; they shots I saw must have been AFTER the makeover. All the headshots make the girls look like they have bug eyes and flappy jowls, even when they don't look like that in person.

A few are memorable: Elle is a pure Hooters girl; no two ways around them, I mean it. Jacqueline should be on the Coyote search. Steff is a mall model and you can tell they like her enough to get through, same with Tara. Gina reminds me of Melrose. Rebecca will be nice if you could make her wear some makeup. My clear favorite is Regine (from Montreal of course). Tara, Steff, Gina, Rebecca and Jacqueline make it. Regine doesn't, even though they said they could picture her on runways in Europe. No plus size models even made it to the top 20, let alone top 10.

The house is full of pictures of Jay Manuel – creepy! Not as inspiring as female pics might be, just saying. The kitchen is filled with cheap junk food like Cheetos and frozen pizzas that no one knows how to heat up. The gift baskets on the beds are full of Crest and Olay products – don't hold back on the swag or anything. It's all edited to be product placement after product placement, even later in the shoot.

Shoot 1:
The Nude PhotoThey go to Shmooze (an expensive and cavernous pick-up bar in Toronto), Nolé Marin brings in two male models. Naked chicks with a strategic bolt of cloth, probably a commercial for Olay Ribbons Moisturizer or something. This one girl Mika goes on and on about how her rich dad will disown her for going on the show because he thinks the modeling industry is all a sex ring. Then she does her photos and the comments are that she "pushes the sexual limits" of the shoot, like a true porn star. Everyone else is forgettable.

At the judging when Jay talks about the rewards, he says they're getting a shoot for "Fashion" magazine, which is the biggest Canadian based fashion magazine and published out of Toronto. But when he says it, it sounds like he forgot the word "a" or "some": a spread in some fashion magazine, to be decided later, if we like you.

Jasmine Wasabi/Warsame, Jeanne Beker, the photographer and Jay are the judges. Jeanne (pronounced Jeannie) Beker is the host of several fashion TV shows in Canada, so she goes to every fashion week there is. The funny thing is, she knows nothing about fashion and she's horrible at interviewing, and she only ever gushes over what a fantastic collection she just saw even when it looks like hacked-up cat food. If you look closely you can see the designers rolling their eyes when she approaches them waving the microphone. They tolerate her because somehow she managed to wangle a monopoly on Canadian fashion reporting. (She probably did some favor for Moses Znaimer – google him.)

Let me say again, there are NO plus size models here. The judges go into their deliberations. "These girls need to lose weight, nobody likes a fat model. We need to introduce them to the harsh reality." Now what would Tyra think of that talk? There's one girl who looks like the cover of Shape or Fit magazine, but they say she's too fat and needs to GET TONED! (Did you see Tyra on the cover of Shape? Jay – for shame!) Apparently, "toned" is the new code word for "bulimic". At one point Judge Jasmine says the male model holding one girl's boobs looks like he's touching something nasty.

The girls are all equally crappy at this stage, since they sent my Regine home so soon. The first girl called is no different than the eighth girl called. The last two girls are Mall Model Steff and Porn Star Mika. Jay gives the "Each girl has what the other girl needs" speech, and sends Mika packing. Sorry about that inheritance, Mika. Top Model don't tolerate no porn.

My prediction for the end: Tara. Quote me on it.

Next week: The girls get their makeovers and pose with squid on their heads – I kid you not.


  • is this Jael hanging out with avril lavigne?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:23 AM  

  • The Canadians are pretty. They're all young and skinny.

    By Anonymous Amanda, at 6:28 PM  

  • I can't see the link. Boo. Email it to me?
    Canadian's are preeeety. Canadians, you so preety!!!

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 10:50 AM  

  • Is the Perez pic the one titled "Spot the Douche"? b/c there is a strangely jaelish chick in the photo, with tongue out and making a hardcore hand pose. Ahh, Jael. Feeling less than fresh? Because that would be your only excuse for upping your douche quotient by hanging out with alleged "punk" Avril Lavigne. A bottle of Summer's Eve would have been less expensive. And less embarassing. And probably more effective. Douche she may be, but I can't imagine that the original Sk8trgrrl would leave your cha-cha anything but grimy. And angry. So much for your happy ending....


    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 3:40 PM  

  • i love this whole canadas next top model thing, finally, some skinny bitches to hold me over until tyra has her triumphant return. Podcast before sunday Amy. if you love us.....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:34 PM  

  • yeah scotty that's the one. we miss hearing ur sexy voice btw

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:13 AM  

  • Aw I DO love you! But Max just got back into town. I'm hoping to record mid this week but I can't promise anything.

    By Blogger America's Next Top Podcast, at 2:14 PM  

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