Canada's Next Top Model, Season Two, Episode Five

I saw a behind-the-scenes of The Apprentice one time and it said they do things like deny the competitors decent sleep and only stock the house with junk food, which keeps everyone on edge and all hopped up on sugar. In comparison, CNTM exercises dramatic license and moves all of the girls into one room to pump up the drama, apparently needing half the apartment emptied quickly.

The girls are taken to The Yorkville Club for a spinning class, which loosens lips as much as joints. Mo talked about her drive and ambition. Tara talked about being lucky and things always going her way. Rebecca talks about moving forward with her fashion career, but I was transfixed with her face which was the same red shade as her hair. Sinead admitted she knows nothing about modeling. Tia talked about talking and talking and talking. Cori talked about her strong level of confidence, which is unusual since she's always crying. And that's when she threw up.

Next, Jay visits the apartment for the get-to-know-you interviews, and more talking. Mo feels she's working against her skin tone. Sinead loves everyone, but Jay tells her to trust no one. Jay tells Rebecca to act up more and show her personality. Tara tells Jay that her mom went blind seven months ago, from poison, no less. Cori talks about crying so Jay tells her to buck up. And what a surprise – Tia talks about talking. Also, Tia's teeth have those rounded corners that you get when there's something wrong with your nutrition when you're growing.

The girls are shuffled off to Flirty Girl Fitness for a lesson in Carmen Electra styled good old fashioned pole-dancing. They are given twenty minutes to learn a pole routine, and we are told that, "The girl that does the pole dance the best, that exudes the most sexuality, wins." Stacey McKenzie is documenting, I mean perving, the whole affair with her phone's camera feature. Mo got the giggles and collapses without doing much. Cori reminded me of the 'exotic walkers' you can see on amateur night at the seedier clubs. Sinead moved around the pole like a newborn pony – all gangly and timid. Rebecca gives it an admirable effort. Tia doesn't suck at all, despite her initial protests, and seems quite comfortable with flinging herself around the pole in a rather sexy fashion. I personally suspect that's because she's from Montreal, where many a college student uses dancing to pay their way through school. Hmm. Finally, after hearing so much about Tara's history as a 'dancer', we can safely rule out the possibility that it had anything to do with sensual pole-dancing. In fact, a little poking around Google with "Tara Marie Windspur" leads to the "Premiere Dance Academy". It's worth the trip just to see the kind of quality dancing she's referring to… Anyway, only Canadians would root for their competitors, and all the girls cheer each other on. The criteria for winning must have changed without warning because in the end it's NOT the most sexual/sensual dancer that wins, but we are told its the most improved. Cori is selected and she picks Rebecca and Tia to share in the prize of a trip to the spa. Tia pegs Tara as beating up on herself for not winning the dance challenge. Tara meanwhile quickly goes from focusing on her own performance to slamming Cori as trash.

This week is an editorial photo shoot and the girls are uglied up – I have no idea how this is supposed to be pretty in the end. Everyone loses their eyebrows under a Dermablend mask, and most of them lose their lip colour as well. Spooky. Then they have to do trampoline jumping while posing artfully. Nole loves Rebecca's ability and personality at the shoot; she may be taking Jay's advice to act out more. Part two of Cori's prize is 50% more frames plus analysis at the halfway point. Mo can't seem to stay on the trampoline, nor can Tia, who looks remarkably like a teletubbie. Tara's dancer tendencies are holding her back.

On to the assessments… Mo's photo made her look taller than she really is. Cori is learning and listening. I thought Rebecca rocked it. Sinead is told she's not going for it enough. Tara was deemed too graceful with her poses, but all I could think of was Kirsten Dunst doing 'spirit fingers' and jazz hands. I can't even tell you what they thought of Tia because I had to pick myself back up off the floor after Jeanne Beker said she was mentally wonky.

In deliberations we learn that we have several girls who, in time, will be slated for elimination for being too short to model: Mo and Cori, Sinead. I don't know how they can make judging the most boring, uninteresting part of the show but they do. There's not much to report except the order: Cori, Rebecca, Tia, and Sinead are safe. Tara has the pieces but can't pull it together. Poor Mo, however, delivers "mediocre product" and is eliminated. In one of the most dramatic and emotional displays to date, she crumples to the floor with heartbreaking sobs, and everyone else melts.

Next week: Go-sees and dog photos.