Back from the Undead

Hi everyone!

Long time no talk! How is everybody?

Max and I went to one of the major gay clubs last night and bumped into one of our listeners! It reminded me of how awesome you guys are and also made me feel very guilty for leaving you. We just kind of lost steam at the end of last season...I guess it is just a bit hard to keep going when you've been watching the show for so long...kind of starts getting formulaic.

I will give you guys a little update on how everyone has been doing:

Javier is doing well at his job and getting lots of action.

Scotty is now a bartender in addition to being a waitor, and I honestly do not know when he finds time to sleep.

Maxwell is doing well as usual, having fun clubbing with me. (Perhaps next time we go clubbing, I should post when we are going and you guys who live in Houston can say hi if you happen to be there at the same time. What do you guys think?)

Aaron and I got engaged a couple months ago, so that has been very exciting for us:)!

Anyway, I just wanted to say a quick hello to everyone, and thanks to those who have been emailing us and leaving chats in the chatterbox!

Miss you all!

xoxo,

Amy

p.s. Our cat Blue (pic) says hi!

I love you, you're perfect, now back to Tyra

Dear listeners,
Now that we are officially way way WAY behind, I'd like to present you with episode 38. Hooray! BTW, has anyone else been watching Tyra's new baby, Stylista? I had high hope for it, but after two episodes of blandness (also, is the Elle magazine office really that ghetto? and into flourescent lighting?), I am less excited. Let me know your thoughts!
Yours Always,
Amy and the gang

Click here to listen to episode 38

The Ladder of Model Success

Click here to listen to episode 37!

New Episodes!

We've recorded podcasts for the last three episodes, but because of Hurricane Ike, we haven't been able to post them. The first episode to come soon so stay tuned!

love,

ANTPodcast gang

**Update: Here is episode 36!

The Girls Go LARP!

So every couple of cycles, there is a model that seems a too good for this show. Brooke was one them. Joanie and Danielle could also qualify for this. This cycle, it happens to be Katarzyna. She doesn't reek of desperation like Dominique. Nor is she too eager to please like Anya. Nor need some sense of validation like Whitney or Fatima. She seems like a decent person which dosen't always translate well to trashy reality tv. Believe me, I'd rather be friends with Kat rather than most of the ho's left.

This week, the girls get their role play on. After going to a crash gladiator seminar, the girls have to model fierce posing while brandishing a sword. The sword probably weighs more than Anya and Fatima ... combined. As ususal, Anya was great. Fatima struggled. Kat underwhelemed. Dominique experimented which some whackey ass poses. But it was Whitney who did the best and wins a 1,000 euro shopping spree that she could either keep or split with a friend. I totally thought she was going to keep the money but she does a nice gesture and picks Anya, the only girl who does not need any more prizes from this show.

This is also the Tyra photoshoot. As usual, she has to make all about herself. She talks about how this the first time she has ever used artificial light and totally takes credit when the photos turn out well. The theme is some nonesense about Rennassiance women who go clubbing or something. The models basically wear some heavy coats and leftover wigs from Mary J. Blige's Family Affiar Video. Fatima and Dominique both come alive during the shoot impress both Tyra and Mr. Jay. Anya does well as per usual. But it is Kat and Whitney who struggle the most in spite of having both Tyra and Jay to help them out. Kat's picture is good, but lacks the punch as the other girls'. Whitney does not know how to work with her body and ends up staring into the light source. (Which is something Amis learned waaaaay back in week two. Keep up, Whitney)

In the end, Kat becomes the unlucky girl who is both the Cover Girl of the Week and the bootee. Sucks to be her. Even though DoMANinque showed up to panel again looking that the hot mess that she is. Girl needs styling lessons, stat.

Also:Stupidist thing said this episode: DoMANinque states the no one in American can say that they had their pictures taken by Tyra. Except the four other girls in the room. An the other models who had the pictures taken by Tyra in the past nine cycles. This girl really should think before she opens her yap.

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Click here to listen to our thirty-fifth episode

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Ten Cycles of Low Self-Esteem:The Ten Most and Least Bangable Top Model Contestants + Episode 34

Ten Cycles of Low Self-Esteem:The Ten Most Bangable Top Model Contestants

by Team Frat

10. Whitney (Cycle 10) – We are as surprised as you are that a plus-sized model made the top ten list, but we have a couple of chubby chasers in our group. Whitney reminds us so much of a young Anna Nicole Smith, that she brings out the necrophilia in all of us.

NOTE: We are convinced that Whitney is going to be the first plus-size Top Model contestant to make it to the Top Six. We can't wait to hear Tyra say, "We're going to have to charter a bigger plane, y'all!"

9. Shannon (Cycle 1) – Shannon was hot, blonde, tall, and a virgin. She had all the makings of a top ten gal from the start. To top it all off, she actually has a career, so if we got her preggers we would never have to work again.
8. Kelle (Cycle 3) - She had the best body of any Top Model contestant in the history of the show. Add to that the fact that it took all of 5 minutes to completely destroy her self-confidence, and you've got yourself one hell of a girlfriend. We'll happily let her put her 'snout' wherever she likes, preferably our pants.
7. Christina (Cycle 4) – With crazy soulless eyes and bone straight hair, she reminds us of every snobby sorority girl that we have ever met. What she lacks in personality, charisma, and warmth, she makes up for by giving the best eye-fucking stares ever.

6. Norelle (Cycle 3) – Deep down, we all want a dumbass girlfriend. From not knowing what was Japanese food to staring bug-eyed at Tocarra's boobs, she won our lust. Post makeover, she became one of the hottest contestants. Plus, she could finally give blowjobs, thanks to the new lack of braces.
5. CariDee (Cycle 7) – The only Top Model winner to make the list, CariDee was a goofball, and therefore hot as hell. We love a girl who looks like she has always just bonged a beer. Let's put it this way…we'd love to cover 72% of her body in our semen.


4. Kyle (Cycle 5) – Tyra felt the need to constantly remind Kyle that she was 'not weird enough' to be a model. We would like to remind Tyra that Kyle is hotter looking than her fatass ever was. Kyle came to judging panel and challenges in sweat suits and was still hotter than all the other girls, because she was the shit, and she knew it.
3. Tocarra (Cycle 3) – When we all started the list, every single brother responded that Tocarra had to be on the top of the list. We are not sure what it is about Tocarra. Perhaps it's the fact that you could brag for the rest of your life that you survived titty-fucking her; perhaps it's the fact that she kept a whole chicken under her bed. Who knows? My favorite moment from Tocarra comes from Top Model Exposed: "Ann and Eva…that was just gay!"
2. Sara (Cycle 6) – As the only model to actually contact us, Sara had to go high on the list. From amazing lips to a height of what I imagine to be 7 feet, she was nearly a perfect woman. What mall did they find her at, again? We want to go shopping for some DSLs. NOTE: Top Model Sara looks so much like our brother Max' girlfriend (also named Sarah) that we wonder which came first…masturbating to Sara on TV or slamming his girlfriend…hmmm.

1. Brooke (Cycle 7) – Brooke was so barely legal fuckable that it hurt us to even lay eyes on her. One of the brothers even printed out her picture from the wobbly runway photoshoot to place over his bed. She was young, cute, and too good for this show.

The Ten Least Bangable Models in America’s. Next. Top. Model. History.

10. Robin (Cycle 1) – Robin was a whole lotta woman with a whole lotta issues. As both the oldest and fattest model of the first cycle, it’s no wonder that she makes the bottom ten chicks that we’d like to stick. We can only imagine how long the prayer circle would last after we asked for oral.

9. Wendy (Cycle 6) – Let it be known: stupid girls are hot, sad girls are not. We sympathize with Wendy’s plight in New Orleans, but we cannot sympathize with her lack of eyelashes and eyebrows. What caught her tears anyway? Post-makeover, she looked like J-Lo on queludes.

8. Victoria (Cycle 9) – As kids at a preppy university, we loathe what Victoria symbolizes. She’s the epitome of a smart, yet spoiled brat. Instead of trying to be hot, she always put her damn arms around her head in pictures. Something tells us that she does this because someone taught her how to masturbate wrong, and that is why she picks on Twiggy: sexual frustration.

7. Ebony (Cycle 9) – Besides looking like Count Chocula, Ebony had a lot of other things that made her unbangable. At all times she was either sporty a gummy smile or a stank face, and if either of those two expressions are her O face, then we are not interested.

6. Kathy (Cycle 6) – As the first eliminee of her cycle, we did not get a lot of time with Kathy, nor did we want any. Her feet were at least as big as ours, and she had a face to match. The icing on the cake was when she described her bald photo shoot look as “like a penis with ears.” I’m sorry, did she just describe herself as a dickhead? Well, she isn’t seeing ours.

5. Naima (Cycle 4) – For one thing, we would have no clue what color our baby would come out if we got Naima preggers. For another thing, she’s so damn Zen that we feel like we would have an even harder time than normal staying awake, post-boink.

4. Ann (Cycle 3) – Other than her outward appearance, we could not list one thing about Ann that didn’t scream “man.” Her height: man-ish. Her voice: man-ish. Her attitude and modeling ability: man-ish. Her penis: definitely man-ish.

3. Brittany (Cycle 8) – Brittany’s face looked like mashed potatoes. But not the regular kind of mashed potatoes that are yummy and delicious, but the school cafeteria style mashed potatoes. We all wish that we had a short-term memory disorder so that we could forget ever being exposed to her fugly face.

2. Amanda and Michelle (Cycle 7) – Top Model is the only show that we know that could take two of the hottest female stereotypes (lesbians and twins) and make it this unbangable. Amanda had her moments, but Michelle’s uber-ugliness overshadowed it so much that we had to put them both on the list.

1. Diana (Cycle 8) – I could go on for pages on the many reasons why Diana is utterly unbangable. To start, she actually weighs more (198 lbs., according to wikipedia) than 8 out of the 10 guys who came up with this list. Second, she could not model for shit. Literally, she couldn’t advertise fecal matter on a platter. She’s that bad. Lastly, she was so New Jersey trash no matter how hard she tried to hide it, it always shown through. We can summarize by saying that unlike 99% of the Top Model contestants, we actually WOULD kick her out of bed…if only we had the leg strength.

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Click here to listen to our thirty-forth episode

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The Girls Get "Body" Slammed

An action-packed episode of Top Model This Week.

The gift of Apple Bottom Jeans prompts to a fight between Allison and Fatima. Its so very Alien vs. Predator, i.e. whoever wins, we lose. Fatima is being a bitch when she says that Allison has big ass. Allison take umbrage (as a former anorexic) then measures herself (as a future anorexic) and then uses Barbie dolls(!) to mock Fatima's ass (as a kloset Klan kunt.) I am no fan of Fatima, but that shits uncalled for and embarrassingly infantile. Also infantile is Stacy Ann. Between her childlike pleading to Tyra's portrait to showing her ass on the camera, I think I may be in like with her.

This week is the first Cover Girl Make Up challege of the cycle. Its the typical three minute/1 mirror make up challenge. This year, the girls have to compete in Walmart. The winner, Claire, gets to have her mug in a Cover Girl display in Walmarts across the country. Um, how is that a reward.

It also the make over episode and the only real tears come from Fatima. She gets a long weave and declares the process one of the most painful experiences of her life. (Not touching that one.) Her makeover makes her look really good. There are no outright disasters this season. A lot of girls go blond, especially Anya and Claire who go really, really blond. They also shave the other side of Claire's head. Marvita gets a horse hair mane which makes her look like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheeva. They give Dominique an unflattering mom cut. They do something to Allison which make her look less like Sarah Silverman and more like Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls. The cycle marks the return of Miss Jay getting a fake over. Also returning are those strappy swinsuit things the models have to pose in after the make over.

Tyra reads that the models are going to meet the "Body." At first I thought the models were going to wrestle former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura. It turns the models are going to photo in Elle "The Body" MacPherson's underwear, or as she adorably calls them "knickers." During wardrobe, it looks like there squeezing Whitney into a girdle. It turns out its just a corset (po-ta-to, po-tah-to). Most of the models seem to do well. Dominique thinks she has a high fashion look. Allison, who has previous modeling experience, thinks she does super duper great. Of course in reality, she stinks up the joint.

The panel seems to like Lauren's photo even though she has no idea what the hell she's doing. Kat's picture looks like that of a Russian mail order bride. Somewhere Natasha's ears must be burning. Fatima and Marvita take some strong photos. I am convinced that Marvita cannot do anything other than that one pissed look she has. The bottom two are Allison and Dominique with Allison being let go. She bursts into tears while I think the real daughter of the inventor of the toaster strudel wouldn't go out like such a pussy. I normally would feel bad to see someone's dreams crushed, but then I remember she's an skank who I hated even before her Barbie incident this week.

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Click here to listen to our thirty-third episode
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