Thursday, November 30, 2006

Freaky Almost Friday

Looks like someone's taking fashion cues from Melrose. Goddamn berets.

Caridee's scary wrinkles (thanks smallchav!)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Tyra Hates the Dykey One

We pick things back up in Spain. The girls are looking for some fun in Barcelona, so they decide to call the only English speaking model to bring some friends over to wine and dine the ladies. In an act of international rudeness, homeboy does not bring a chica for Michelle. Ah well, as she has mentioned eighty times before, she is not too sure of what she is. Apparently, Caridee knows what she wants and makes out with some dude in spite of having a boyfriend. Anyone looking for a repeat of Shandi and boyfriend like meltdown from cycle 2 is sorely disappointed. Either she is in an open relationship, just doesn't give a shit, or we end this scene with her saying goodnight to her Spanish paramour.

Tyra puts on her motivational speaker weave and decides to give the remaining girls a pep talk. She tells the girls that ANTM is a learning experience and hopes that these girls make big. Look how successful Adrienne, Yoanna, Eva, Naima Nicole, and Dani(elle) are; they are setting the model/actress world on fire. Tyra assures the girls that she sacrifice herself for these girls. Hmmm, just ask (the never ever mentioned on ANTM again) Adrienne Knight Brady how that worked out.

It's Go See Week! Last cycle set the bar pretty high by combining gift giving, giant animal heads, traffic jams, rickshaws, and culminating with every model being disqualified. This year the girls are given maps and sent on their ways. The twins pair off, as do Caridee and Eugena. This leaves Melrose all by her lonesome which she is perfectly fine with. (Dear Melrose: Sweetie, it's not considered a strategy if no one wants to play with you.) The twins get lost almost immediately and are ultimately disqualified. Eugena and Caridee seem to do well. It is Melrose who manages to go see the most designers and wins the challenge. Her prize is totally lame. A homemade dinner does not compare to the racks of clothing that are usually offered.

All week I have been anticipating the alleged spat between Caridee and Nigel at this week's photo shoot. The girls are going to be shot as matadors in an authentic bull ring, with a live bull and a pole. While standing around, Caridee sarcastically asks Nigel if he pulled the pole out of his ass from the last panel. Nigel gets pissed. The girls (and the viewers) are forced to endure a lecture from Mr. Jay (who looks ridiculous in his baby blue matador's outfit)

Fortunately (or unfortunately), no one gets gored this week. Eugena breaks out some awesome poses. Melrose kind of disappoints Mr. Jay. Amanda cannot pose. Michelle does fine despite not knowing what to do. Caridee apologizes to Nigel and proceeds to whip out some stripper poses.

A horned Tyra transitions us to panel. This weeks panel challenge is the evil "What Do You Think of the Other Models?" The girls have to judge who has the most and least potential. For most potential, all non-twins pick themselves. Amanda picks Eugena and Michelle picks Caridee. As for the worst, Melrose picks Eugena, Caridee and Eugena pick Amanda, Amanda picks Caridee, and Michelle kinda fingers herself ( i.e. the ANTM version of shooting one's self in the foot)

I actually liked all of the shots this week. Even the "worst" shot (which I think is Melrose's Vargas drag queen photo) is better than most of the shots this cycle. The judges especially love Eugena's pose and face. The judges are not too keen on Caridee's shot, which I actually liked though they did set her make-up gun on "whore."

This week's bottom two are the twins. This sucks for them because both of their shots were pretty good. As if we haven't heard this enough all season, but they are different despite being twins. Amanda has the passion but struggles to take decent shots. Michelle is a natural at modeling but does not have the drive of her sister. As usual, Tyra selects the model who actually wants to be there. Michelle is sent home. Both her and Aaron will be relieved. She hopes Amanda does better without the distraction of her confused ambiguous sister. When I first saw the promotional shot of this cycle, I was wary of the gimmick of casting the twins. However, Amanda and Michelle have been two of the sanest and likable competitors that this show has had in a while. Michelle has one of the better portfolios this cycle (except for that puking thing.) Will this translate to a victory for straightwin?

Next week: Melrose meltdown! And Caridee does her impression of Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. Hypothermia is so "in" this season.

Listen to out tenth episode
Sorry this episode is so long. We just got off tangents since the mos and the A's haven't see each other for two whole weeks!

As promised, Eugena and Neyo:

(Thanks to fourfour for the images!)

Michelle's buns - they act as flippers:

The scary Peter Pan guy we mention in this episode who reminds Scotty of Mr. Jay in his matador outfit.

Last but not least, make sure to check out Snapstream's Beyond TV, our better-than-tivo product!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Tyra No Le Gusta El Partido Del Lloro

Tyzilla!!! (and co.)

Last time, Anchal was sent to the Celebrity Fit Club. The newly cholesterol free house allows the girls to let their hair down and confess secrets in the ubiquitous hot tub. We learn Michelle has not kissed a boy since she was ten and she does not know what she wants to be, i.e. model or non-model. Which we all know is code for l.u.g. or sapphic sister. We also find out that both Jaeda and Caridee have boyfriends. Gee, I wonder if there is anything else about Caridee that we didn't know. Hmmm.

This week is all about acting or on this show: "acting." Of course, we are treated to a montage of Tyra's previous attempts at "acting." I guess they could not get the rights to use her stint on Fresh Prince or her pivotal role as victim #8 on Halloween: Resurrection. Things go from painful to creepy pretty quickly. One exercise has the girls spilling their guts (or taking a dump as the exercise is called) about their secret fears or whatever. Melrose' turn was bad enough (even though the other girls' gape-mouthed faces are a treat to behold). But it's when Caridee blurts out that she once attempted suicide when the fun really ends. While tragic, it's always uncomfortable when shit like this happens. I also wonder why Michelle is the only one who comforts her.

After Caridee returns, the girls participate in this week's challenge. They have to use their new found "acting" skills to make an old timey silent movie. (Apparently, someone from the present informed someone in the past how we would feel about Melrose. Thanks, Hiro.) The girls "act." Some suck. Some don't. There's a bestiality reference. Caridee wins. Her prize is a guest role on One Tree Hill (Wednesdays at 9PM on the CW) which is a colossal step down from Veronica Mars. Unlike the rest of the crap on the CW, Veronica Mars is actually good. I also saw part of Caridee's acting debut and she looked a lot like a swap-meet version of Rebecca Romijn. I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

On this week's "My Life as a Cover Girl," some asshole script writer makes Dani(elle) say Lash Exact three times really fast.

If you are one of the few brain trusts who did not guess this cycle's destination, the answer is Barcelona, the fashion capital of … um … Spain . As the girls disembark from their poorly CGI'ed plane, they discover that the next shoot will involve unattractive male models who each bestow cheap souvenirs upon the girls. At dinner, we learn that Jaeda's partner is not into the swirl, which really irks her. As if the girl needed any more problems. He wasn't that hot to begin with. Tyra's advice is to make him love black girls because Mama Tyra always says: "Once you go black…"

This week is the Secret Deodorant commercial. This year's twist is that the commercial is in Catalan and that the girls have to kiss the models. Michelle and Jaeda predictably wig out since they seemed so turned off by boys and racism. Hijinks and language butchery ensue.

Like last week's lame ass space photo, there is no middle ground. The girls are either good (Melrose and Eugena!) or horrendous (Amanda, Michelle, Jaeda, and Caridee) The judges let the losers have it, especially Caridee, which I think is total bullshit, since they also shot the commercial in English and all the girls seemed fine then. During panel, Melrose informs the judges that she stayed up two extra hours studying her lines. This pisses off Eugena and Amanda enough to call her out on it while the judges deliberate. In defense of Melrose (which is rare) it did not seem as malicious as the girls make it out to be. It's actually pretty much expected from her at this point. (Plus, she totally gets brownie points this week for trying to cheer up Jaeda.) Melrose skulks off and the viewers are left to wonder what really happened because this narrative thread is dropped. Thanks, new editors.

Six beautiful girls stand before the panel. Melrose and Eugena get their shots first. Tyra and company are just as surprised as we are by a suddenly resurgent Eugena. Amanda and Michelle polarize the judges, but they are both safe. I totally thought Michelle would be in the bottom two again, since she was getting the loser edit. This week's bottom two are Jaeda and Caridee. At this point, we all know that Jaeda is going home because not even Tyrant is cruel enough to dump a formerly suicidal front runner.

Jaeda is finally put out to stud where she can grow back her mane and frolic with the football team like she used to. I know that Jaeda was edited to be kinda whiny about her hair cut, but according to Brooke (who is totally awesome for allowing herself to be interviewed and agreeing to be my new BFF,) Jaeda was awesome and funny. As evidenced by the CoverGirl of the Week spot, Jaeda can be quite a looker with long hair and smokey eye makeup.

Next week: The fun continues with a sweet looking matador shoot, and Caridee gives the photographer some lip. Good thing she's got enough to spare.
Listen to our ninth episode
In spirit of Thanksgiving, I would like to give big hugs and kisses to Javier, Max, and Scotty for agreeing to my whims and giving their very precious time to this silly podcast. I would also like to give extra special smoochie booches to my sweetie Aaron who, even though he was so tired this week, did this episode with me because I was so excited about it, and didn't even punch me even though I stole his special shout-out. (Sorry baby!!)

And of course, a huge thanks to every single one of you guys who've emailed, left comments, put a pin in our frappr map, or simply listened to our ramble. Special thanks to Rachael and Sarah from Seattle for leaving us voicemails. We really really appreciate each and one of you this is getting cheesy...or shall we say "melrose"?!?!? Anyway you get what I mean.

Love you guys!


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Gobble gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

(Thanks for the Link, Jenna!)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

An Interview with Brooke, y'all!!

Hi Everyone,
This week, we were lucky enough to have a phone interview with Brooke. Yes, Brooke, from ANTM! She was cute, sweet, nice, and just bitchy enough for us to love her and ask her to be our BFF. Honestly, it was just plain awesome and she spilled the beans like no one's business. Considering our expectation was some sort of stilted interview with a 50 year-old pervert doing his best falsetto, we were blown away. She's our new pick to win. And we don't care that's she's not on the show any more. Or that she's not even in Spain. In fact, reality has nothing to do with feelings on how cool Brooke is or that she should win. And we're dangerously unstable enough to make it happen.
All joking aside, even if you hate our podcast, us in particular, and spend all your waking moments plotting our downfall (psycho) this interview is pretty interesting and well worth a look-see...or a listen-hear....or whatever.

Listen to our interview with Brooke

Side note: We know the sound quality is terrible. I mean, terrible, because we don't have the money to buy a phone recording program. Sad face. Anyway maybe we'll set up a donation fund so when we interview Janice Dickinson it won't be so crappy. Yay!

Side side note: Does anyone have Janice Dickinson's email?

Side side side note: This week's episode may or may not happen, depending on if Scotty's too tired from his trip when he gets back. So hopefully this interview will be an amuse bouche (Top Chef, anyone?) until next week.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Because this poll affects the actual results

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Woooo magnets

Click Here to get this from!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Tyra hates the Hindu Goddess of Self Fulfilling Prophecies

This action packed episode is full of, well, action. The girls return home after the aftermath of Brooke's departure, which of course is the indicative of how sweet that girl truly was. I miss her already. Based on my psychic powers of deduction, I can tell that Michelle and Anchal are going to be in the bottom two before the first commercial break. I am not too sure what's more annoying: Anchal's constant bitching about her weight or Melrose bitching about Anchal's bitching about her weight. Actually, its not that hard, since anything Melrose does is more annoying than Eugena, Anchal, Jaeda, Jade, Megg, Bre, A.J., Lisa, Gina, and Jayla all performing an a capella version of Vitamin C's Graduation Song.

This week's first celebrity guest is Gabrielle Reece, whom both Jaeda and Michelle instantly get hard-on's for (but for different reasons.) She instructs the girls on how to take good pictures while in motion. Anchal seems pretty lackadaisical about the entire thing (foreshadowing.) Caridee throws herself right into it, quite literally (more foreshadowing.)

This week's first challenge is about more action and you can't have action without NASCAR. The scenario is that some race car driver wants his model girlfriend to give up modeling and in an impassioned rage the model girlfriend rushes the boyfriend and impales him with a heel or checkered flag or one of the twins' clavicles. Once again, Anchal does a half ass job (insert your own inertia joke here.) Michelle wins this one and gets to pick three girls to share her prize. Being the closet racist that she is, Michelle selects Caridee, Amanda, and Melrose while Jaeda, Eugena and Anchal are left prizeless. Soon Michelle gets to eat crow (not A.J) because her victory come with a twist. The "winners" get a shopping spree challenge and the girl who gets the most crap actually gets to keep everything the other girls nabbed as well. Melrose wins this one, again. Instead of actually being gracious and sharing the spoils of her inexplicable good fortune, Melrose keeps it to herself and just gloats that all the other girls must hate her. What an ass.

This week's photo shoot involves the girls going to a skydiving training facility to pimp Cover Girl's latest make-up. The girls will be photoshopped onto a NASA wallpaper to simulate astronauts reaching out for the perfect makeup, or something. The results end up looking like fierce cover of an Orson Scott Card novel (or for the less nerdy, your eight grade science book cover.) This week's photos are a very mixed bag. Caridee, Melrose, Amanda, and Anchal take decent shots. Jaeda, Eugena, and Amanda's shots pretty much suck. You would think that would be enough to get rid of Jaeda or Eugena, but wait, there's more…

(Sorry Javi, I had to insert this series of Jaeda looking like a chipmonk. It was too heesterico to pass up.)

At panel, Tyra gives us a grammar lesson and makes the girls act out a combination of a verb and an adverb. No matter what words come out, they all equal "gesticulate assily." Caridee and Melrose go balls to the wall with hiding and boxing, each with hilarious results. Anchal and Michelle get pretty self-conscious and don't really do much. As a result, they are this week's bottom two. After much pontification, Tyra pulls Michelle's picture and sends Anchal on her way. Despite Anchal's declaration of having no friends, Caridee seems pretty upset to see her go. Upon her exit, Anchal awesomely tells Melrose "I still hate you" and then less awesomely follows with "I'm kidding, you're awesome."

She thanks Tyra for the opportunity and rationalizes that it was her self-doubt that did her in. Personally, I find Anchal pretty likable, maybe even classy, in her final. She is so much prettier when she's not complaining about her friendlessness, or her weight, or her looks. Tyra was right to tell her that if she doesn't think she is beautiful, the judges won't either. In Tyraland, skinny, delusional she-beasts who want "it" always win out over voluptuous victims of self-consciousness.

Next week: The promos cut off before we learn where this cycle's excursion is. But because Trya runs out looking like an extra from Zorro, we can guess that it's either Mexico or Spain. My dinero is on Spain.

Listen to our eighth episode

Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 206-350-TYRA (8972) or click on our odeo link.

Also, check out

My wish sort of came true!

A listener informed me that Santa came early this year (Ew, not like that! get your minds out of the gutter):

GNTM episode 2 (3/3): elimination

Heidi Klum is the host for Germany's Next Top Model!
Maybe for Christmas she'll take out Tyra! Best pressie ever.


p.s. They must have even less money than ANTM. The set is terrible. It looks like one of those hotels you go to for a convention. And at one point, you can see one of the camera men. hmmph.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Tyra hates Impersonators, Lipstick Lesbians, Blacula, Rock n' Roll, HPV, and Texans (Redux)

Perhaps the new writers Tyra and Co. used to replace the striking writers are, themselves, on strike this week because we are "treated" to a clip episode. If you have been following along (and you hate to admit that you do), you pretty much know what's been going on.

The real stars of this episode are Monique and her disorder. We are treated to never-before-seen instances featuring Monique earning the title "Crazy-ass bitch." It's actually freaky how pathologically calm she appears thoughout much of this episode. When she discovers that one of the twins ate all her Doritos, she decided to destroy everyone else's chips in retaliation. Umm, yeah. This leads to a shouting match between her and Amanda. Silver lining: Straightwin looks freakin' hot when she's pissed. The second is more footage of Melrose/Monique spat. We are treated to Monique repeating everything Melrose says while both of them try to cook in the kitchen. Bitch, most people can't stand when Melrose speaks the first time. Silver lining: "Is this my taco seasoning?"

Speaking of Melrose, much of the episode is devoted to her winning almost every competition and generally being a nuisance to everyone else. Part of it might be jealousy and part of it can be that Melrose is an annoying know-it-all. Surprisingly, Anchal and Megg are the two who call her out on it. To which, Melrose responds with the standard "I treat people the way they treat me" blather that no one really buys. I'm surprised that she didn't follow it with "I'm not here to make friends" and "It's not American's Next Top Best Friend."

The other memorable scene happens in the beginning when the girls are forced to buy new clothes to replace their ugly ones. How those two queens let all those ugly ass berets escape incineration is a mystery to me. Melrose kinda wins this one again, since most of her clothes were spared. After ripping off the What Not to Wear trash can, the girls have to scramble to buy the essentials: black dress, mini skirt, giant purse, etc, in five minutes.

Oh, and Megg likes bongggos.

We go through each photo shoot, each challenge, blah, blah, blah, seven girls remain, but only one will get to be America's Next Top Modezzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Listen to our seventh episode
Side note:
Please leave us voicemails by either clicking on the Odeo link (see sidebar) or calling us at 206-350-8972. We won't pick up the phone, it is purely an answering service. So please please leave us voicemails!! We're dying to hear your voices.

Sorry this episode is so late!!

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Monday, November 06, 2006

Hold your breath!

I swear, episode seven will be up soon.

We recorded yesterday, so it should be up by tomorrow. Hopefully. And then we will record again later this week so you guys will have TWO episodes this week!! It'll be like Christmas where desire is filled with lust and lust is filled with fulfillment.

Also, please check out They are one of the best reality tv podcasts out there. They cover just about every good reality show, and on episode 30, Jason and Derek (the hosts) even got an interview with Angela Kesslar!! Better yet, they actually mentioned us on their podcast, which made life so, so sweet. Derek sounds just like Nigel Barker. Sadly for me, Derek is gay. I think? Story of my life, no? In any case, this is how I imagine Derek to look:

And this is how I imagine he'd look after we've had our baby:

Well I can dream, can't I?

Check back tomorrow for the official episode 7!


Thursday, November 02, 2006

A Wee Tease

And no, I'm not talking about Masculinda's renting-to-own Coryn's she-nis. I'm talking about the fact that TV Guide Talk actually mentioned us.

Similar to tonight's episode, this clip is just a tucked in tease. We asked them to plug us, then proceeded to hyperventilate when they shockingly mentioned us for two minutes on their podcast. Nevertheless, it IS the actual TV-Guide-the-one-you-see-when-you're-standing-in-line-at-the
-grocery-store magazine.
So, no tough titties today! In fact, soft titties! Hoorah!

Click here to listen to the TV Guide clip

p.s. A word on this week's podcast. If you saw the post below you know we have returned to being douchebags since we missed the second half of this week's show. So, I, Amy, have valiantly tried to pursuade the boys to podcast despite not seeing the whole episode, and maybe doing a mid-season highlight/lowlight episode of our own (brilliantly suggested by one Mister Sister J.) Alas, my efforts have by silenced by dagger stares and loud sneers. So if you want another episode, you have to leave comments, threats, and ransom notes for the boys. A.k.a the party poopers. Love, as always, Amy.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Something so not rock n' roll has happened. Our TV fucked up so we missed the second half of "The Girls Who Made it This Far." If anyone can somehow stream this episode, or know where we can get this episode asap, or want to tell us in detail what happened in this episode, please let us know!

Fuckity McFucked's from Fuckerville

p.s. we feel majorly fucked. Fuck.
p.p.s. Pardon our French.