At last, what we've all been waiting for: Javier's shownotes!! Yaaaaay!!
This episode should have been titled "The Girl with Ennui." Which girl, I am not too sure. It is as if Jaeda, Anchal, A.J. and sometimes Amanda decided to just phone it in this week. I think part of the reason Melrose does so well is because she is one of the few girls who actually wants to be there. She's just like the rest of the Tracy Enid Flicks of the world who sit in the front of the class, do all the readings, and raise their hands at every goddamn opportunity. I hate girls like that. So do the rest of the girls it seem. They pretty much taunt Melrose during her interview challenge with such scathing words as "Smell-rose" and "Ding-dong." Melrose must have skin of iron to withstand those invectives.
In personal news, we spend much of this episode probing the sexuality of Michelle. This is the episode where she kinda, sorta, maybe, possibly comes out as a raging bisexual, allegedly. For the most part, her sister and her mother seem supportive of her decision to "ride the fence." Also, it gives Amanda an excuse for her slightly less than stellar performances. Way to use an important moment in your sister's life as your excuse for being less fierce.
This week's lesson on interviewing comes from one Mark Steines, correspondent extraordinaire at ET. (Aside: no one in this week's podcast had an idea who he was. People, did you not see his captivating guest performance on Suddenly Susan? Suddenly Susan, guys. There's no coming down from that plateau.) He gives the girls such great advice, that they subject themselves to interview Janice fuckin' Dickinson. Thank god, Tyra's necromancers summoned Janice for her seasonal appearance. It's not as exciting as last year's visit ("Zip it, bitch. Zip it. You're dead to me.") but she does try to steal the mic and insults A.J's stupid beret. Then again, wouldn't you? It was funny to see Brooke trying to ingratiate herself to Janice by asking her "What makes you so bitchy?" Oh, Brooke.
Tyra also shows off her interviewing skills. She gets to intereview each girl so she can give them "advice" because she "cares", like when she pretty much tells Amanda that her twin sister is better than her. Michelle comes out (again). A.J. comes out (as a Melrose hater). Melrose comes out (in her damnable beret and horrid clashing boots). Other stuff happens, but I was too distracted by Melrose' boots.
I think this week's challenge is ANTM's commentary on the ephemeral nature of American celebrity culture. The brilliance of using disposable reality show contestants to portray vainglorious media whores (Not Oprah) whose relationships and celebrity status are as fleeting as Caridee's eczema problem is just just plain genius. Touché, Mr. Jay. Actually, I hated this challenge. The SNL-quality make-up looked ridiculous on half the girls. Ironically, this week's lesbian is the only one who does not get to play drag king. Anchal and Melrose looked particularly stupid.
At panel, the girls have to do yet another challenge. This time the girls have to run commentary on an ANTM red carpet event. Not as funny as the teleprompter incident many moons ago. Thankfully, a helpful montage tells us that A.J., Jaeda, and Anchal pretty much suck. A.J. and Jaeda seem apathetic and above-it-all. Eugena calling Ms. Jay's dress a trash bag and Brooke not knowing which way to hold a mic were particularly cute. Unsurprisingly, Smell-rose ass kisses her way to the top. Again.
This week, Brooke, Ding-Dong, and I think half of Caridee submit some amazing shots. Michelle does a great Ellen impression; Amanda emulates Demi; Eugena has dead eyes; Anchal thinks Oprah's greatest achievement is going on an international doughnut run. (What is with her and food?) Jaeda and A.J. round out the bottom two with Jaeda getting yet another reprieve. Apparently her eagerness to look like a dude is keeping her around for even more punishment. A.J. pretty much ennui-s her way out of this competition and Tracy Enid Flick wins yet again.
Next week: Anchal's weight issues rear their fat, ugly heads, Caridee apparently gets nekkid, and Fabio makes an appearance. Now that's a hair war no one should miss.
P.S. This week's podcast features my friends in Houston using every euphemism for "vagina" know to women and pondering the male counterpart to a "fag hag." It's called a "dyke tyke." It's in Urban Dictionary.
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, performed by us, written by our rock n' rolling listener, Lizz.
Listen to our fifth episode
Sorry for the lateness of this episode. Even though we try to record it on Wednesdays, it's a little hard to get all four of us together at the same time. We did do it last week, and apparently that gave you guys the taste for blood. Juuuust kidding! We love you, and Javier's witty shownotes will be here soon, so make sure to check back and leave us lots of comments!! We especially need comments this week because we have taken on a new format. Instead of a running commentary while we watch the show on mute, which is what we have done so far, in this episode we summarize and give our opinions clip by clip. The point is to cut down on the rambling. OK, we didn't really succeed in doing that, but give a listen and let us know which format you like better.
Thanks to everyone who gave us Jaeda's dragilicious names!!! You guys are the best. Unfortunately, some of them didn't make it into this episode because we didn't receive them until after we recorded the episode. Sorry!! The official dragalicious name is going to be Masculinda. Thanks and congratulations to Ivan/Pete!
Also, we want to thank everyone who left us reviews on iTunes!! We never expected the response we got to our request, and we now feel loved and kissed by diamond teddy bears.
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty
p.s. Ohmigod, y'all, we forgot one important piece of news!! Listener Ivan told us that Count Chocula (Monique) was stopped at the airport for having marijuana in her purse! She claimed "It ain't mine, it must have gotten in my purse in the club last night." What a lying pothead.