Sunday, October 29, 2006

A.J. says leave us a voicemail!

We have a new Odeo feature which enables listeners to leave us voice messages! Click on the bird icon on the sidebar, and we just might include it in our next episode. Heavy breathing is encouraged.
Speaking of birds, even though A.J. totally played up her badditude, anyone who can make up a clever name like Smell-rose has got spirit.

You can now also listen to our podcast through
Our Odeo Channel (odeo/f756b3980888f37a)

Flying away fiercely,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Tyra hates Texans!

Lotsa "celebrities" this week.

This week opens with Eugena trashing talking the other girls and their issues (Bitch, that's our job). Brooke talks about her impending graduation and how she's missing it. Exactly how she graduated despite being on a reality show is a mystery to me. She gets a care package from her mother with a photocopy of her diploma and other assorted grad swag. Gee I wonder if that is going to be an important plot development. Anchal and Cardee bond (which was really sweet and I really liked both of them for much of this episode.) Jaeda still hates her haircut. She feels powerless since they chopped it off. Hmm, just like Samson.

This week, Tyra puts on her photographer's weave and takes black and white pictures of the girls trying to be angry and beautiful at the same time. Imagine Lisa's B&W from a few cycles back, add in Anchal's contact lenses, and multiply it by eight and its basically whatcha get.

The girls learn a lesson on sultriness from some drag queen and Mrs. Marilyn Manson. They have to be sexy with out being slutty in the form of a sultry dance. Brooke, Jaeda, Michelle, and Anchal seem a little reluctant about it. Did Bollywood teach Anchal nothing? All Indians dance when there's a camera on them.

The challenge involves the girls walking on a table for some dinner party hosted by the head of Elite Models. It's dumb, Melrose wins, and gets to be in Seventeen magazines with Brooke and the Twins. But at least we get to see some more of Atoosa.

This week's shoot involves romance novel covers. (Aside: My favorite trashy novel is one I bought at Walgreens called A Very Virile Viking. It involves a Viking, named Magnus Ericcson, who travels forward in time with his nine kids to sex up some Hollywood workaholic who inherits a vineyard. I shit you not). Brooke thinks that they will be posing with someone who is young, sexy, and hot. Instead, they get Fabio: model, actor, I Can't Believe Its Not Butter spokesman. Jaeda gets to be a bawdy tranny (sylvanian.)

Caridee (who is always straddling the counter every time they read Tyra mail) is a bawdy milkmaid. Melrose is a bawdy trollop. Anchal is a bawdy Cleopatra. Jay gets the twins confused and makes Amanda the bawdy lez and Michelle the bawdy baby mama. And the rest get to be bawdy something or others.

At panel, Amanda finally gets accolades from the judges and for the first time gets called before her sister. Melrose and Straddle-dee do well. Anchal and Jaeda take good shots, but still get called out for their esteem issues. Michelle takes a lackluster picture and blathers on that she was uncomfortable being so close to a penis. Tyra punishes her for her excuses and she gets called right before the bottom two: Eugena and Brooke.

Before Tyra stand two beautiful girls. One is a sweet, charming, bubbly ditz who can take strong to okay photos. The other is a temperamental witch with a horrible complexion and soulless eyes who takes an okay to weak photos and does not seem like she wants to be there. Who do you think gets to stay?

Ultimately, Brooke gets shipped to Texas. This was inevitable, but a bit premature in my opinion. Through her tears she says that it was ironic the she gets eliminated on her graduation day. Tyra's lesson du jour: Stay in school, kids. Hey, if she catches a redeye, she might make it to Colt Jensen's totally bitchin' kegger.
Listen to our sixth episode

Simba angry!!

To start off, this episode is a little long, sorry! Amy tried to cut it down but since she's not a professional, it's difficult to cut stuff out without making the episode sound choppy. So once again, tough titties.
Also, to preface the episode, we were a little drunk (ok Amy was drunk everyone else was buzzed) so the speech may be a little slurred...
Thank you to everyone who emailed, commented, frappr mapped, and myspaced us! We love you all!! Here are lots of sloppy kisses and diamonds and teddy bears from us!

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Please help us decide

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Tyra Hates HPV!

At last, what we've all been waiting for: Javier's shownotes!! Yaaaaay!!

This episode should have been titled "The Girl with Ennui." Which girl, I am not too sure. It is as if Jaeda, Anchal, A.J. and sometimes Amanda decided to just phone it in this week. I think part of the reason Melrose does so well is because she is one of the few girls who actually wants to be there. She's just like the rest of the Tracy Enid Flicks of the world who sit in the front of the class, do all the readings, and raise their hands at every goddamn opportunity. I hate girls like that. So do the rest of the girls it seem. They pretty much taunt Melrose during her interview challenge with such scathing words as "Smell-rose" and "Ding-dong." Melrose must have skin of iron to withstand those invectives.

In personal news, we spend much of this episode probing the sexuality of Michelle. This is the episode where she kinda, sorta, maybe, possibly comes out as a raging bisexual, allegedly. For the most part, her sister and her mother seem supportive of her decision to "ride the fence." Also, it gives Amanda an excuse for her slightly less than stellar performances. Way to use an important moment in your sister's life as your excuse for being less fierce.

This week's lesson on interviewing comes from one Mark Steines, correspondent extraordinaire at ET. (Aside: no one in this week's podcast had an idea who he was. People, did you not see his captivating guest performance on Suddenly Susan? Suddenly Susan, guys. There's no coming down from that plateau.) He gives the girls such great advice, that they subject themselves to interview Janice fuckin' Dickinson. Thank god, Tyra's necromancers summoned Janice for her seasonal appearance. It's not as exciting as last year's visit ("Zip it, bitch. Zip it. You're dead to me.") but she does try to steal the mic and insults A.J's stupid beret. Then again, wouldn't you? It was funny to see Brooke trying to ingratiate herself to Janice by asking her "What makes you so bitchy?" Oh, Brooke.

Tyra also shows off her interviewing skills. She gets to intereview each girl so she can give them "advice" because she "cares", like when she pretty much tells Amanda that her twin sister is better than her. Michelle comes out (again). A.J. comes out (as a Melrose hater). Melrose comes out (in her damnable beret and horrid clashing boots). Other stuff happens, but I was too distracted by Melrose' boots.

I think this week's challenge is ANTM's commentary on the ephemeral nature of American celebrity culture. The brilliance of using disposable reality show contestants to portray vainglorious media whores (Not Oprah) whose relationships and celebrity status are as fleeting as Caridee's eczema problem is just just plain genius. Touché, Mr. Jay. Actually, I hated this challenge. The SNL-quality make-up looked ridiculous on half the girls. Ironically, this week's lesbian is the only one who does not get to play drag king. Anchal and Melrose looked particularly stupid.

At panel, the girls have to do yet another challenge. This time the girls have to run commentary on an ANTM red carpet event. Not as funny as the teleprompter incident many moons ago. Thankfully, a helpful montage tells us that A.J., Jaeda, and Anchal pretty much suck. A.J. and Jaeda seem apathetic and above-it-all. Eugena calling Ms. Jay's dress a trash bag and Brooke not knowing which way to hold a mic were particularly cute. Unsurprisingly, Smell-rose ass kisses her way to the top. Again.

This week, Brooke, Ding-Dong, and I think half of Caridee submit some amazing shots. Michelle does a great Ellen impression; Amanda emulates Demi; Eugena has dead eyes; Anchal thinks Oprah's greatest achievement is going on an international doughnut run. (What is with her and food?) Jaeda and A.J. round out the bottom two with Jaeda getting yet another reprieve. Apparently her eagerness to look like a dude is keeping her around for even more punishment. A.J. pretty much ennui-s her way out of this competition and Tracy Enid Flick wins yet again.

Next week: Anchal's weight issues rear their fat, ugly heads, Caridee apparently gets nekkid, and Fabio makes an appearance. Now that's a hair war no one should miss.

P.S. This week's podcast features my friends in Houston using every euphemism for "vagina" know to women and pondering the male counterpart to a "fag hag." It's called a "dyke tyke." It's in Urban Dictionary.

Listen to this skit, performed by us, written by our rock n' rolling listener, Lizz.

Listen to our fifth episode

Hi Y'all!
Sorry for the lateness of this episode. Even though we try to record it on Wednesdays, it's a little hard to get all four of us together at the same time. We did do it last week, and apparently that gave you guys the taste for blood. Juuuust kidding! We love you, and Javier's witty shownotes will be here soon, so make sure to check back and leave us lots of comments!! We especially need comments this week because we have taken on a new format. Instead of a running commentary while we watch the show on mute, which is what we have done so far, in this episode we summarize and give our opinions clip by clip. The point is to cut down on the rambling. OK, we didn't really succeed in doing that, but give a listen and let us know which format you like better.

Thanks to everyone who gave us Jaeda's dragilicious names!!! You guys are the best. Unfortunately, some of them didn't make it into this episode because we didn't receive them until after we recorded the episode. Sorry!! The official dragalicious name is going to be Masculinda. Thanks and congratulations to Ivan/Pete!

Also, we want to thank everyone who left us reviews on iTunes!! We never expected the response we got to our request, and we now feel loved and kissed by diamond teddy bears.

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

p.s. Ohmigod, y'all, we forgot one important piece of news!! Listener Ivan told us that Count Chocula (Monique) was stopped at the airport for having marijuana in her purse! She claimed "It ain't mine, it must have gotten in my purse in the club last night." What a lying pothead.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

NOOOOO AJ don't gooooooo!!!!

Ok I don't really actually like AJ's personality so much, but that girl took hot pictures. And to lose to Jaeda?!?! What the f*@k?!?!


In honor of AJ, we are going to make fun of Jaeda by giving her drag names. Email ( or leave a comment here with your suggestions, and I will update the post.

Names we have so far:

Mister Jay-da
Mrs. Jaeda


p.s. I have nothing against Jaeda, really, and I know it's not her fault that AJ got kicked. Tough titties.

New podcast episode coming soon!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Sad Face

Hi Everyone!
We were wondering if you guys can do us a huge favor. I just checked out our entry on iTunes, and someone gave us a hateful review :( If you have a spare moment, please rate us and leave a review.

Basically, we need to go from this:

to this:

Thank you guys so much!!


Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Megg's Close Up

6 rock n' rolls in 3 minutes. I believe that may be a record.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Tyra Hates Beards!

Sorry this is so late, guys!

Of course, the ONE time I think Megg looks halfway presentable at panel, Tyra goes and boots her ass off the show. Girl finally learned to comb that rat weave and has nothing to show for it. At first I found it odd that she kept Jaeda (who Tyra hates) over Megg, but then I you see her portfolio. Not too impressive. To Megg we say "Grrl. Go. Go and form your two person band. And you rock and roll. You rock and roll so hard that you give Avril a run for her money."

In other news, it appears Melrose and her array of berets (geddit) have replaced Monique as resident bitch. Golly, that was fast. Her victim of choice: Anchal. Poor, "chubby" Anchal. Dude, when did she turn into that chick from college that cries on impact? She stood up to that wildebeest Monique, but the minute Melrose says she does not think Anchal is pretty, she turns into fucking Tammy Faye Baker. Also, way to comfort her, A.J. Why don't you just feel her up next time?

It's also comforting to note that Melrose has decided to emulate Tyra with her useless posing examples. Can you see the difference? No, you stupid, stupid trollop.

In challenge news, Eugena wins again for posing on a platform with some jewelry and some intense Yoko Ono-wannabe telling the girls how hot they look. You would think that A.J. would have won for best poseur. At least the prize is pretty sweet, so when Eugena gets eliminated (and she will), she at least has $32,000 worth of baubles.

Once again, ANTM uses the photo shoot to tell us what the producers really think of these heifers. This week it's a turn of the century (thanks for clarifying which century, Jay) carnivale motif to tell us that Melrose is old, Eugenia likes cages, Anchal is huge, Megg has hair, and the twins are, um, twins. The photos are a mixed bag, with Caridee, Eugenia, A.J, Melrose producing some strong shots. While Brooke (Love her!), Jaeda, and Megg round out the bottom. Seriously, no one could have worked that beard. (Didn't they learn not to fuck with a girl's face when they bedazzled poor Lluvy's a few years back to make her look like a fish?)

No random song out bursts this week, but next week: JANICE FUCKING DICKENSON! Oh, and Michelle might be gay. Might!?!

Listen to our fourth episode

Heeeey ladies...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Best Of

Ok, I know this is a little pre-jac, but I thought while we are waiting for Javier to write the show notes, I'd post some funny clips from our last three episodes. Here they are:

The Princess on the throne

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away

How Blacula stole Christmas

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion

Oh, Ethel!

Go Go Gadget!

I think he said "Hydra"

Jesus, bitch.


The ick heard around the world

Can you ever get tired of rock n' roll?

Austin! yeah!! Rock n' roll!!!!!!

You's a lesbian?!

Can I get a witness?

What are you, Snow Patrol?

Everyone pees in pools, right?

Guadalajara, here we come!

Shut up, grandma.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 good.

Just click here. You'll love it.
Ok I'll give you a hint. It has something to do with Jaeda sounding like Napoleon Dynamite. (Thanks Lizz!)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

You're a mean one, Blacula.

Now that Count Chocula is gone, I finally have time to stop obsessing about her and make a Frappr map. Ding dong!!

Stick a pin in us.
We would love to see where you guys are.

Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty

Sunday, October 08, 2006

"Everyday is a Fruit Carrying Opportunity" - Chi-Chi Rodriguez

Dear ANTPodcast listeners,

Tyra Banks throws me for a loop. Every season, we always bitch about the one girl who is kept in the competition just for the sake of drama and ratings. We complain and complain, yet secretly relish in the delicious drama. Without it, we would not have Lisa pissing herself in an adult diaper or Jade's "Left Over Lady." Well Tyra gets rid of the resident bitch and I worry that house will get boring. Who will spring forth as the new bitch from the desiccated corpse of Monique's modeling career. Caridee (yawn), Eugenia (double yawn) Jaeda (shenis) or Melrose (eleventy). I guess my rage will now have to focus on A.J. (who's coolness is measured by the amount of spikes in her hair, poser) and Megg (who's hair needs to come with an instruction manual so that the moron could take care or it and not make it look like a freakin' nest. Okay, breathe. Serously, I'll put it into words you could understand "Natty hair is not rock n' roll," dumb ass bitch. Breathe some more.

Also, Dennis Quiad, HEB fashion show, and Austin. It's like a bizarro conclusion to the celebrity version of Clue.

On the plus side, now that the "shock" had worn off, I am really diggin the twins and I think there is a special place in my heart for Brooke. Plus, its still good to know that Brittney (from cycle 4) can still work a chin-butt.
And thats all she said.


Before you listen to this episode, remember to sing along to a Moby song, any of them with a choir background, and don't forget to clap with your fingers open! On three, "she don't wanna be heah, she don't wanna be heah, she don't wanna be heah, no mo....she don't wanna be heah, she don't wanna be heah, she don't wanna be heah, no mo...."

Listen to our third episode here

Aaron and Amy's kitler kitty

Saturday, October 07, 2006

New Promo Clip!

Hi all!
We've created a new promo clip! If you would like to help us get more listeners, please send your friends the following clip:

or click here to listen to it right now.

We miss you guys! We'll have the next episode up really really soon.
In the meantime, here's something to bite on. A listener sent us this image of Anchal:

Aaron, Amy, Max, and Scotty