Finale time (Okay it was a few weeks ago, but it was finals period.) Who will be America's Next Top Model? Melrose, no "Issa"; CariDee or Caridee; or Eugen(i)a? Compared to the last few cycles, this is a pretty weak final three. I was so more willing to buy into Jade's bag of bullshit. And Joanie and Dani(elle) could model circles around Eugena and Caridee. But, we write these show notes with the final three we were given. One of the things that Top Model gets right is the streamlined finale: commercial, photo shoot, elimination, runway, final decision. We cut right to the chase with the commercial shoot. No one royally screws up, i.e. no one needs cue cards or hilariously ad-libs lines as she goes along. We are lead to believe that Melrose has a mid freak out, but she manages to get through. Apparently, that's what happens when you have OCD. The commercial itself is full of false enthusiasm, with the "dancing," and "laughing," and merriment. The judges seem to like the commercial, but its utter shite compared to the professionally done commercials that air between segments. You'll never hear Queen Latifa utter the word "feasta."
The judges love Caridee's photo. I think they describe it as "soft" or "approachable" or whatever. Melrose's photo gets criticism for her stiff mouth. Eugena takes what is probably her best photo of the entire competition. Her picture is so touched up that she was practically rotoscoped into A Scanner Darkly. Even though this was her strongest week, it was not enough to make it to the final two. Eugena is eliminated, leaving the two blonds to battle it out on the runway. While Caridee and Eugenia embrace, Melrose tries to get in on the hug. You have to watch it to see how funny the hug really is.
I think
Melrose and
Caridee are the perfect pair for what transpires at the final runway challenge, which is basically an extension to the gesticulate
assily contest. The theme is ghost brides and the models have to make three passes. On the second pass, the girls have to give a stare down when the cross each other. On the final pass, the girls have to run like they're insane or something. The blonds are the only two models desperate, eager, or stupid enough to make themselves look like idiots in front of the judges, the four people in the audience, and the thousands of people who actually watch this show.
Before the show begins,
Tyra makes an appearance to give the girls some encouragement and show off her
Destinos level Spanish training. I'm surprised she didn't ask the flower girls (Yes, there were flower girls) if they knew where La
Gavia was or what job did Raquel Rodriguez have.
The major drama happened during the
Melrose and
Caridee stare down.
Caridee stepped on
Melrose's train and ripped her dress.
Melrose started freaking out like it's her fault or something. It looked accidental and if anyone should be pissed, it's the designer whose dress was ruined. Ms. Jay takes off during the middle of the show, not because she is concerned for
Melrose's sake, but to shriek like a banshee down the runway right before the final pass. It's not really scary, but it gives the four people in the audience a good chuckle.
Despite her minor meltdown,
Melrose wins the runway challenge. It's not enough to win the entire shebang though because
Caridee is crowned the winner. It's so obvious who was going to win, even Helen Keller could have fucking seen it.
In her final interview,
Melrose appears truly sad and the newly elected mayor of Bum City. I did feel a tinge of pity when she mentioned that she was called a "bitch." Maybe she should have thought of that when she was bossing everyone around or gloating about her victories.
Caridee's victory is a victory for all us girls who were teased for having a horrible skin disease. Her victory is a victory for all of us who want to don elephant noses and parasols. Her victory is a victory for us gals who want to straddle counters and cheat on our boyfriends in Spain.
This concludes this cycle of Top Model. Bring on America's Next Top 7
th Heaven.
Au
revoir, bitches!
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Listen to our finale episode---------------------------------------------------------------
So, I was surfing on the web for a cool picture of
Caridee, and this is what Google image found:
Ironically, this bitch won too!
Anyhoo, guys, sorry for the huge delay. We promise to never make you guys wait so long again!
Umm except for the Christmas break...and maybe between the cycles. I don't know, the boys are so
flakey (see last ten minutes of episode.)
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Thanks to everyone who listened to us this year! And a very special thanks to Javier for his awesomely hilarious shownotes every week.
We never could have imagined anyone listening to us ramble, much less liking it. You guys are totally fierce.
Happy Holidays, everyone! See you next year.
love,
Aaron, Amy, Javier, Max, and Scotty
